DS problem I never thought about....

I'm sorry to hear that Ahrie, it's sure no fun to deal with.

Kerry

 Hijack, Rachel, I'm sending you a PM.

Kerry

It might not be something you did at all.  You did say this started when she got home from your Jon and Tracy's.  Maybe something happened there that she is dealing with.

Just a thought.

Donna

Anything is possible Donna, but I really think it's just some little think about me and how I can eat now that's bugging her.

Kerry

Kerry,

I'm certain that the best advice you'll receive regarding this problem will come from the wonderful women on this site.  In my experience dealing with couples, insecurity is easily and inadvertently expressed as anger/resentment/distancing oneself.  So much of your routine lately has focused on getting rid of the old.  She may just need reassurance that she's part of the new also.  Remind her how long you've been together and, despite what she says, you know there is something wrong.  Let her know you're receptive to whatever she has to say and that you will remain open-minded and non-defensive.  Assure her you will work on the problem together no matter what it takes. 

Silence eats at the soul and fosters despair and speculation and self-doubt.  Talk.  Talk.  Talk.  Chances are she is extremely proud of you and loves you now more than ever and just needs to know you feel the same about her.

You're a gem in cyberspace.  I can only imagine what a wonderful husband you are in real life.  Our prayers are with you and your wife for renewed love and admiration that will last the rest of your lives.  


Steve   

Kerry,

Word for word, what Steve just said. Take care, and know that we are all thinking of you. My best to Barb as well.

Best,
~ Lois ~

Thanks Lois, you're very sweet!

Wow Steve, thanks for reminding me about how to work things out; things that I already knew.

You're very insightful and it sounds like you'I've had some experience with this sort of thing. It's kind of funny, but I've had experience with it too; but as usual we kind of forget things we know very well when it comes to ourselves. Duh!

We'll work it out and be better than ever; I was just pretty frustrated last evening. Barb had been gone for a week and I was missing her; she came back grumpy and ornery. I've got a plan now for when she comes home from the quilt shop tonight......so you may not hear from me later on.

Kerry

Could it be that she is jealous? I mean you have lived with her for 35 years so I'm sure you both became accusumed to what your roles were. Maybe she felt it was always her "role" to be the thin pretty one. Now that you've lost weight and you look great mybe she feels jealous that you may turn the ladies heads like you didnt before, and she's uncomfortable with that? My husband has always been thin, but if our roles were reversed I would be happy for him, but I wouldn't love the added attention he would get. I can see where that would be hard to handle, and it's not really something you can just come out and say "it makes me scared that you're getting more attention, even though I trust you 100% and can't explain why I am feeling like this???"

You said that she was gone for a week. Maybe it's nothing related to WLS maybe she feels upset because she doesn't think you missed her like you should?? We women think the world revolves around us and when we are absent we expect your world to fall apart around you. Maybe just saying things like how much you missed her while she was gone? Or say things like her being gone a week made you realize how much you depend on and need her? I don't know if that's the case ... but when I was in Indy my husband complained of burnt dinner he cooked, he overslept one day because he didn't get up with the alarm (i ususally make sure he's up) and he would mention how much he and the dogs missed me. I wasn't happy he was having a rough time of it, buttt in a way I was =)

if nothing else works maybe just refuse to back down? Say to her what you have said to us? Tell her you have lived with her for 35 years and you know something is wrong and you want to know what it is. If she says nothing, just ask again, and force the drama. If you are anything like me I'd rather 15 minutes of drama vs. walking on eggshells for a week.

Good luck!  

Hmm, I don't know, but I doubt she's jealous about how I look or the extra attention I may get because of how I look now. That just doesn't seem like her; being mad because I don't seem to have to work at keeping the weight off could bother her.

I could force the issue and make a big fight happen and get to the bottom of it that way, but I would rather not. I'll figure out something more sly and nice to get through and find out what the real problem is.

Kerry