DS problem I never thought about....

I was just going to say something similar to what Wings said..

could it be JEALOUSY?  You are a very good looking man.  A good husband, father and grandfather.  You are bright and have a lot of wonderful qualities.  You make a good living.  There a lot of women looking for men like you. 

Ya think it's as simple (and of course, complicated) as fear of losing her man? 

I really don't think she's afraid of that, there's never been anyone else for me, I've never even been interested in someone else.

Kerry

Please understand that my marriage had lots of stuff, and hubby was far from emotionally stable, mature and in touch...that being said...I was always the fat one in the relationship and to be frank, was in a self-imposed position of inferiority and dependence...when that changed, the truth behind HIS insecurities came out, especially in the area of sexual intimacy, and it was so uncomfortable for him that he projected anger at me for forcing him to confront some very unpleasant characteristics.  The power shift was something from which we never recovered because as I grew emotionally and psychologically and really bloomed into the beautiful woman I always was on the inside, he became more jealous, insecure and enraged.  Shifting sands bring out insecurity and sometimes cause others to project anger at the source, "I don't want to face change, I like my life just fine the way you were!"  Does this help?  Does this make sense?  Growth is hard, especially when you were not looking to grow and to be honest, long term relationships settle into a "safe zone" that when shaken, can get a bit volatile.   Hope you can get to the source, in the  interim, offer reassurance, love and let her know that you appreciate all of her support in your transformation.  Best wishes!

I do understand what you're saying Denise, but I doubt it's anything that serious or to do with her being insecure. I'm pretty sure she's just ticked off because she can't eat like me and stay trim like she used to.

She and my daughter Tracy had been really worried about me before because I had gotten so obese, they were both worried about me having a heart attack and they really wanted me to get in shape. They were looking for change and both seem pleased that I've made such changes, so I don't think that's the problem.

Kerry

I understand what you are talking about, Kerry.

My husband is having issues because of the types of food I am now eating and he is showing some resentment. I actually caught myself purposely avoiding his favorites (bacon) because I did not want him to feel worse.

I try to point out to him all the things he can currently have that I can't, to make him feel better, but it does not always work. He just sees that I can eat more bacon than he can and gets depressed.

He wanted to start a diet and was discussing Weigh****chers and he got frustrated when I explained that WW is not compatable with the way I have to eat now. Nor is South Beach. I am pretty hardcore Atkins right now and he finally came to the realization that if he wants to eat the same way I do and lose weight, it was going to have to be Atkins. I cannot say he is thrilled with that, especially since he loves his carbs.


I think in Barb's case, there is a lot of little stuff building. I call that sort of things "splinters". It is like a tiny splinter that the only way for it to come out is to fester. The worst part is you have no clue the splinter is even there until it is about to pop.

Would counseling help her? Or the both of you? Sometimes it helps just to have someone else to toss ideas off of.

I like the splinters analogy; I think it fits pretty well. I've got a plan to get it out of her tonight; if that doesn't work I'll suggest we get some counseling.

Kerry

Kerry,
First off I am sorry that you are having some troubles, but after 35 years together I am sure that you will be able to get it worked out.  Has she already gone through the change?  If it is menopause, you might be in for a really bumpy ride.  Some women go through it early others later in life.  Just a thought, hang on and if it doesn't get better a nice marriage counselor or pastor might help clear the air.
Deb

Yea Deb, she had a full blown hysterectomy in 1985 and has been on hormone replacement ever since then. I will say that she was a basket case for almost a year before she had the surgery; it about drove me nuts.

I'll get to the bottom of it tonight.

Kerry

Does The Mrs. have anything that inhibits her physical activity like a bad back, or chronic pain? If so, I can tell you from my own experience that she is having a hard time watching how active you are and sort of feeling like she's either a burden, feeling left out, or both. 

Whatever it is, don't let her brood. Silence is the worst, and indifference tops it. I'm not saying you are being indifferent, but her perception might be that you are or she herself is. We woman are fascinating eh?! Keep after her, in a way you know she will respond...and get it out of her.

Good luck Kerry! I've been with my hubby for 24 years...so congrats on your 35!

Nope Barb is healthy and active too; she plays tennis and water skis; years ago we both used to snow ski too.

Most definitely fascinating.....I've gotten to where I can predict what Barb is going to do; I just have no clue why???? LOL!!!

Kerry