Brain Therapy for the daft!

I have my first appointment for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on Wednesday.  It has been over 8.5years since I went to therapy and back then there were MAJOR changes afoot that bought me to the other side of the planet help me drop 12 stone in weight  etc ..but that is another long and bizarre story (as they all are).

This time around I didn't get to pick my therapist as it is via Occupational Health at work.  I am almost mourning Wayne the beardy old guy who helped me stand on my own two feet and act on the plans I'd been hatching for soooo long.  The man who honed in on what I was afraid to say in order to help me say it. He was a one in a million healer.  He just gently moved me towards utter liberation under my own steam and then let me go (despite me desperately not wanting to leave).

So now I have to open up to another person and work through how I went from an athlete to super morbidly obese in under 2.5 years.  That is a 130lbs weight gain in record time.  I am not even sure how to start unraveling the dysfunction behind my compulsive eating disorder.  I am ready to start but it feels like I'll be at this forever before it is ever going to be resolved.

The brat side of me wants to make a sock puppet and start speaking in tongues when the therapist walks into the room but I promise to be serious and not eat carbs or lactose beforehand and gas him/her either.

I built my surgery up to be the biggest trauma and hurdle I had to face but in all reality this is.  I have to stop thinking of myself as an addict and start knowing I'm free and can make the choices to remain so.  My body is no longer in thrall to food and now it is time to allow my head to be in sync with my new body.  Like any change there is grief but also joy.   I want to be free to feel beautiful inside regardless of what the outside portrays. 

This happiness lark is hard work!

xxx

??????? huh ???????? I don't get it? I thought you just had surgery to solve the eating problem?

www.wonderfullymade.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/difference-men- women.jpg

Yes my body is now free from compulsion to eat but I can't guarentee my brain isn't and history tells me that my eating is wrapped firmly in my self esteem and compulsive behavior.  I don't want to end up manically exercising 6hrs a day like I did when I was at my smallest.  The trick is stopping the pendulum from swinging back the other way.

The best chance I have of being healthy is addressing all of the factors that made me obese and out of control lest I start the behaviors again that got me here in the first place!!!!

 I understand..... Did you look at the link? For me, the DS was the switch that turned all that stuff off; if I'm understanding you correctly, the link sort of shows all the switches & knobs you have that need turning, tweaking and adjusting.... 

  I am having massive problems with this site.  It is timing out when I try opening threads and responding.  I think I'm going to have to come back to this thread later but it is driving me insane trying to access the site.


I'll give you tweaking! 

Kirmy--
Good for you for taking the next step to being well!  You already know it won't be easy, but as with so many things breaking the inertia is the hardest part.  I wish you much success!
Lisa

here, look, I can help you and save you tons of time and money, 'k?

you're just too god damn smart, kirst.  Dumb people don't have nearly as much trouble getting through life as smart people.

Take my daughter for example.  Well adjusted, intelligent, easy going child.  Hit teenage years and was up to her ears in drugs, sex, running away.  I took her to rehab and even put her in a psychiatric ward (locked) to get help for her.  Still, by the age of 16, she was insisting on running away, wouldn't go to school, looking for any way to get high and sleep around.  So, I finally asked her to move out--yes, she was sixteen. 

so she did move out.  she was pregnant within 6 months.  this seemed to wake her up.  where she wouldn't take care of herself, she would take care of her baby and quit drugs.  She finished her GED. (high school diploma--she had flunked out of 10th grade).  She went on to the local community college and finished two years there .  She lived down the street with the father of the baby and I watched the baby while she was in classes.

Then she transferred to a 4 year school, the Univ. of Central FL at Orlando.  There she completed and was in the TOP FIVE IN HER CLASS IN AEROSPACE ENGINEERING.  um, hello?  a little bit too god damn smart, maybe?  I think so.  she had a job paying $45k a year before she left college.

the only question is, then, just WHERE did she GET those brains? 

she still has a hard time--not with drugs-- but I begged her to get counselling and I think it helped.

I love you kirm, and I hope you get help too .

pp

Honey sorry I couldn't get back to you last night but I couldn't get back in to OH due to whatever ******y they were up to updating the site.  VERY ANNOYING!!!

Thank you for the massive compliment.   I can't imagine how hard it was as a Mum dealing with such vast behavioral issues in one so young, but for what it is worth I'd have done the same thing.  You must be sooooo proud she has taken on such an amazing career after such adversity.

Nothing comes easy in this life and I suppose this is my last ditch attempt and making sure this works on all levels.  I don't know if it is me over complicating things or as a direct result of living through my Mum's parenting skills.....or lack there of but I have developed coping skills that are out of step with my new life so it's time for spring cleaning!!!

I love you too you know and the brains come from your piccolo picking side woman!!!!

Good for you! 

we only grow when we move out of our comfort zone...and outside the comfort zone...it's UNCOMFORTABLE!  

Best of luck to you!