OT: would this pull your chain? TAKE ME TO FLORIDA

I feel for you Dear!  My sister is caring for her husband who has Alzheimer's.  She is a home care nurse during the day and then comes home and has to completely care for her husband.  I see the stress this is putting on her. 

I don't think you are asking for too much to be shown a little appreciation and respect.  Sometimes the ones we show the least appreciation... to are our loved ones.  Hang in there honey.  Your kindness and love will be a treasured memory for both of you.  ((((((((((HUG))))))))))

The Alzheimer's caregivers have it a lot harder than I do.  I guess generally I'm not a total ***** but I've been so busy today getting ready for my trip, I was testier than usual,

thanks for the hug,

pp

*HUGS*  I dont know. It is tough on both of you.  I know I would hate to be so dependent on someone else...must be making him cranky and having to ask reminds him that he cannot do yet another something. You should be treated nicely though...not your fault.  Sorry for both of u

Hey Mspp. I don't have anything to add really except that it has to be really tough. I'm glad you can come here to vent. My husband can be a big ole grouch, but he is really being caring with my condition right now. Is there anyway you can take a break from him from time to time? I know that is easier said than done, but just wondering. When we come up for the UNC Asheville game in October, lets you, beemerbeeper, and whoever get together. Hopefully I can have some food by then!!! T

As long as he has the ability to ask nicely he should. As long as he is still lucid and comprehends everything explain to him how you feel. Tell him that you love him and want to take care of him, but that you are not a nurse, you are his wife and you too deserve HIS love and respect.....
Of course at some point you can drop in a line that if he prefers a nurse to you there are long term care options available.

Best of luck, parkinsons is not easy. In the end it will be a lot harder on u than on him

Dear Mspppants, I'm very sorry for this stressfull, awful situation you are in.  I know it's difficult for both you and your husband.  I am hoping that you might consider finding a therapist trained in this area to help you.  NOT because you need therapy, but just because they should have good ideas for ways to deal with this time in your marriage and to help put some joy back into life again.

I'm afraid I'm not saying this well and I hope you'll forgive my clumsy wording.  Hugs to you.

Girl, I feel for you! I took care of mom until the Alzthimers got so bad that she had to go into a home. She was not a docile paitent. She was angry, demanding, mean and sneaky. Yes, I would do it again...but ya gotta have a break once in awhile.

Pack a bag, get respite care for hubby and hell, if ya want, come to Texas. I gots a spare room and my DH always works away from home so its just me.

Be good to you!

i think i'm married to your husband's brother.  mine is in good health and never asks for something, expects me to be a mind reader, and will not say thank you.

here is a  very recent conversation that started on the phone:
dh:  don't know what to do. having hamburgers on the grill tonight and i don't have any buns.
me:  would you like me to pick up some rolls for you?
dh:  i just don't know what to do.  i would use white bread, but you never buy white bread.
me:  if you would like white bread, please go buy it. i don't eat bread since my ds. i buy heathier bread.
on my way home from work,after 25 miles of heavy traffic, i stop and buy dh white hamburger rolls as a surprise.
dh:  what took you so long, dinner has been ready for a long time. the burgers are over cooked and charcoal.
me:  i stopped and got you rolls.  traffic was heavy. didn't know you where starting dinner so soon.
dh:   (says nothing - air is filled with silence)
me:  thought it would be a nice treat to get you rolls
dh:  if you're expecting me to say thank you, i don't feel i should have to say thank you when you do something nice.

how familar does this sound?

Oh my. I know what *I* would say after that exchange, and what I would no longer do.

PP--I skipped over everyone else's responses so if I end up repeating something that has already been said, I'm sorry...

It is obvious that you have a huge burden to bear, day in and day out.  Although you do so willingly (or so it seems) you are only human to want to receive a little gratitude for your daily sacrifices.  I know a number of others in situations not too unlike yours who often feel the same way.  One person once told me that the person her husband had become was in fact not the person he was before the illness because his cir****tances had so drastically changed every phase of his life and he was coping in the only way he knew--anger.  She found some degree of comfort knowing his anger was really about his situation not about her.  He used the only bit of control he had left in his life--badgering his wife and getting an emotional response from her.  Perhaps if you see it this way, you might be slightly less angry and realize he has lost all other forms of independence.  How sad that is for both of you.  Imagine him knowing he can never escape his torment (a damaged body) but you can get up and walk out the door.  Imagine how we'd feel if we were in the same place.

Can you arrange for respite care?  I think it would do you good to have some time each week in order to take care of you.  Also have you considerd getting some help for the lawn care and other big jobs? 

I hope you get some rest.
Hugs,
Lisa