Going to Brazil alone vs. going with lukewarm supporter...
Stephanie~!
I feel your pain! I was scheduled for a DS at the beginning of May in Brazil with Dr. M. My parents had offered to pay for the surgery, and my sister was supposed to go with me. A little over a month before we were scheduled to go, my parents withdrew their financial support for the very reasons that your family lists....they thought I was utterly crazy, and that I should just join weigh****chers again. My sister, who was trying so hard to be supportive, actually finally fessed up and told me that she was only being supportive because I needed her to be - not because she felt good about my decision.
I share all of that with you because I can't imagine what it would have been like had I gone and experienced complications. My sister is wonderful - but she is not above saying "I told you so". I have had 7 other surgeries in my lifetime, some that have gone well, some that haven't. In my experience, when things go wrong (not that they would for you, but just in case you even had a mild setback) you really need someone cheering you on. Mentally, being sick or in pain is a really hard thing for most people to deal with. So, I have decided that even if I have to look to the boards for a travelling companion, I would rather do that than take someone who would resort to naysaying during my time of need.
So, that is my two cents (or more
worth of advice. I wish you the best.
I feel your pain! I was scheduled for a DS at the beginning of May in Brazil with Dr. M. My parents had offered to pay for the surgery, and my sister was supposed to go with me. A little over a month before we were scheduled to go, my parents withdrew their financial support for the very reasons that your family lists....they thought I was utterly crazy, and that I should just join weigh****chers again. My sister, who was trying so hard to be supportive, actually finally fessed up and told me that she was only being supportive because I needed her to be - not because she felt good about my decision.
I share all of that with you because I can't imagine what it would have been like had I gone and experienced complications. My sister is wonderful - but she is not above saying "I told you so". I have had 7 other surgeries in my lifetime, some that have gone well, some that haven't. In my experience, when things go wrong (not that they would for you, but just in case you even had a mild setback) you really need someone cheering you on. Mentally, being sick or in pain is a really hard thing for most people to deal with. So, I have decided that even if I have to look to the boards for a travelling companion, I would rather do that than take someone who would resort to naysaying during my time of need.
So, that is my two cents (or more
worth of advice. I wish you the best. kathie09
I would sit down with your brother and have a heart-to-heart talk. Explain that you really need him very badly now. Ask him if he can set aside his objections and be supportive on this trip. Explain that his negativity isn't going to change your decision, but his support will help you recover.
If you can get him to be emotionally supportave at least for this one trip, he would be the ideal person to have along.
If you can get him to be emotionally supportave at least for this one trip, he would be the ideal person to have along.
Part of the problem is my brother's opinions are usually created by my mother's. He'd deny this to the death, but he really in some ways does not have a mind of his own. I think once I get him away from my mother he will be more supportive, though I plan to talk to him again before deciding whether to buy him the ticket.
I am thinking about posting this on Dr. M's Yahoo! group but I'm not sure how I feel about going with a stranger...I would almost rather go alone but it seems almost everyone is saying that's not a good idea.
I'll keep you guys posted! Thanks!
Stephanie
I am thinking about posting this on Dr. M's Yahoo! group but I'm not sure how I feel about going with a stranger...I would almost rather go alone but it seems almost everyone is saying that's not a good idea.
I'll keep you guys posted! Thanks!
Stephanie
I didn't go out of the country, I went all the way to exotic Atlanta lol. I had people with me, but not people who could be there to help me. I needed help with things like taking off the compression boots so I could walk, or plugging in my laptop. And when I needed that help my support people were out shopping, or having breakfast or something.
So even tho I took someone (which was required by my surgeon) I would have rather had a stranger who was capable of being some help to me.
So I hope you will either get your brother on board or get someone from the surgeon's group to go with you. Someone who has had the surgery, and has been to Brazil and the hospital would be my choice for many reasons. But brother would be better than nothing.
Hugs,
So even tho I took someone (which was required by my surgeon) I would have rather had a stranger who was capable of being some help to me.
So I hope you will either get your brother on board or get someone from the surgeon's group to go with you. Someone who has had the surgery, and has been to Brazil and the hospital would be my choice for many reasons. But brother would be better than nothing.
Hugs,
What Paul said.
Once the surgery is happening he will switch into *take care of you* mode.
Even if he doesn't at least you will have a family "spokesperson" to communicate with folks back home etc.. if need be.
Also someone who can give you messages from the hospital staff when you wake up (in case you are asleep when someone comes in)
Even if the *support* person isn't 100% gung-ho they can still be useful.
What is your relationship with your brother like, in general? Besides this one issue?
If it is relatively good and he is Dependable (not flaky)
Not mean to you.
You guys can communicate fairly well .. then I'd take him. I have a sister I Would have taken if I had to. She is even a nurses assistant. But I was hesitant because she is such a flake!
After a bit I was sure she would have taken off to the casino to gamble, leaving me alone. Not right away, of course, LOL
I was in the same position and my mom Surprised me by volunteering and was an AWESOME support for me when I NEVER would have thought she'd be down with going to Mexico with me. She did have some concerns but I just couldn't believe how she stepped up.
I didn't expect her to be able/willing to go especially with my Dad needing her nearby.
My sister started in telling HER how dangerous it was etc. I told my sister to be quiet and don't get my mom worked up.
That I wouldn't take us there if I hadn't done my research!
If I didn't have a 7 y/o son I would go with you!
I REALLY want my husband to go with me but he needed to stay and take care of my son. We couldn't afford airfare expenses for the three of us plus all the hanging out in a hospital would have been miserable for a child.
Making these arrangements are NOT easy.
I wish you the best.
I say if your brother is your best shot .. go with him. I would have a serious discussion with him and see how that goes.
Let us know.
Who knows maybe there is someone here who would be willing to go ?
Loretta
Once the surgery is happening he will switch into *take care of you* mode.
Even if he doesn't at least you will have a family "spokesperson" to communicate with folks back home etc.. if need be.
Also someone who can give you messages from the hospital staff when you wake up (in case you are asleep when someone comes in)
Even if the *support* person isn't 100% gung-ho they can still be useful.
What is your relationship with your brother like, in general? Besides this one issue?
If it is relatively good and he is Dependable (not flaky)
Not mean to you.
You guys can communicate fairly well .. then I'd take him. I have a sister I Would have taken if I had to. She is even a nurses assistant. But I was hesitant because she is such a flake!
After a bit I was sure she would have taken off to the casino to gamble, leaving me alone. Not right away, of course, LOL
I was in the same position and my mom Surprised me by volunteering and was an AWESOME support for me when I NEVER would have thought she'd be down with going to Mexico with me. She did have some concerns but I just couldn't believe how she stepped up.
I didn't expect her to be able/willing to go especially with my Dad needing her nearby.
My sister started in telling HER how dangerous it was etc. I told my sister to be quiet and don't get my mom worked up.
That I wouldn't take us there if I hadn't done my research!
If I didn't have a 7 y/o son I would go with you!
I REALLY want my husband to go with me but he needed to stay and take care of my son. We couldn't afford airfare expenses for the three of us plus all the hanging out in a hospital would have been miserable for a child.
Making these arrangements are NOT easy.
I wish you the best.
I say if your brother is your best shot .. go with him. I would have a serious discussion with him and see how that goes.
Let us know.
Who knows maybe there is someone here who would be willing to go ?
Loretta
Can you afford to pay for someone supportive to be with you? I wonder if Dr M can hook you for a small price for an off duty or retired nurse? Talk to people you respect (neighbors, friends of the family) and see if they are interested in going. Hey, it's still a trip to Brazil, right?
My second idea was to see if there would be any other Americans there having surgery during that time that can share their support person with you?
I thought I was a tough broad too and I made my husband call in sick for the week and be at my bedside 24/7. I was an hour from home. I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. Seriously!
Good luck!
Cathy
My second idea was to see if there would be any other Americans there having surgery during that time that can share their support person with you?
I thought I was a tough broad too and I made my husband call in sick for the week and be at my bedside 24/7. I was an hour from home. I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. Seriously!
Good luck!
Cathy
Stephanie--I am a little late in responding but I am currently in Brazil and I would advise you to have someone with you. My DH is here and I wouldn't have it any other way. You'll need help with simple things like getting to the grocery store. Yea, you can ask Durval, but believe me there's no comparison!
Lisa
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