OT-Depression-Need to let it out-a bit long, sorry

***hugs**** Your hubby is right hon. Another critter is not the answer. It's time for therapy, probably some medication, and a connection to a hysterctomy support system of some kind. Your feelings are absolutely normal. I spiraled through all kinds of enormous feelings when I had mine, and I NEVER EVER wanted children and was relieved that the subject was over and done with forever.....And there I was crying because I'd never give birth. *rolling eyes* It just happens, I guess.

Have you taken a look at the site www.hystersisters.com ? They have some great active forums there.

Hi Elizabeth N, thank you for taking the time to respond. I know, he is right, but I just wanted the puppy to take my mind off the babies. I know the puppy would make me smile, but that won't fix it. I know, it isn't fair to the pets and my kids to just fill my life with "stuff" to fill that void.

When you were crying and it hit you that you would never give birth, was it some years after having your hysterectomy? I thought I was okay with it. It has been about 4 years since I had my hysterectomy. I was okay with it. We had our 2 kids, but I guess I never was really "okay" with it as I started to collect animals afterwards. I have never been to the site you shared, but will definitely check it out. I am going to also call to get an appointment to be seen on Monday. Thank you again for sharing your story. I don't think hubby understands that it isn't so much that I want a baby, it is the fact I can't. He is a man, he'll never really "get" it.

Kim

Nope, it was all in my first month or so postop, in the midst of the hormone storm.

IMO you need to see your doctor for some hormones and antidepressants and you need to get some counseling.

I understand feeling down about the "end of an era" so to speak (I went through it at 28) but you have the opportunity to fill your life with other things beside making babies.  You will experience these types of feelings throughout your life (kids go to school, graduate, go off to college, move away from home, get married and start their own family, etc.) and now is a good time to learn good coping skills.  It also seems you have the opportunity to led some assistance to your sister and think about someone other than yourself.  I say put aside your self-pity and get involved in life.  You'll feel better once you do.

mylittleblackdress, thank you for responding. You are right, I can't just keep feeling like "woe is me" and I do need to still get out there and live. It was hard seeing my sister and I know she needs some extra help. My mom and her mother in law drive her nuts and she was so happy when I came by. We were able to laugh together. I didn't want her to see me cry or be upset. I just wanted to be there for her. I couldn't go back there this weekend, I told her I would try to see her and help out next Saturday because her hubby still works Saturdays.

Turtle, What you are going through is so normal? I grieved a lot when I realized I wasn't having any more children and I didn't even have a hysterectomy. For months I was taking a pregnancy test just hoping it would be yes. When I mentioned it to my counselor, she asked if I wanted another child (at my age) and I realized I was ambivalent about it. That was so much better for me than a resounding yes.
Give yourself time to grieve the loss and it definitely is a loss. It'll get better - it may just take time. We're here for you.

Hi HunyBunny, thanks for taking the time out to respond. I am going to see if I can get in to see my doc this week and get a referral for counseling. After reading other responses, I think I need more than just medication to help me out. I appreciate your response.

I know exactly what u r feeling.  I had uterine Cancer in November.  I had to have a full hysterectomy at 35.  I still see babies and have that feeling of if I could have had one more....  I do take an anti-dep med and it really does help.  And like all the other fellow DSers say talking to someone or even your primary care doc, would not hurt either.  I remember the first time my daughter said to me, I want a sister!  It about killed me!  I had to explain to her why she could not have a sister.  She was sad too.  It tore me up!    Good Luck to you!

Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing. I am 35 now and never thought it would really affect me. My oldest knows better than to ask for a sibling because my little one is a handful already. Thank you for responding and sharing.

I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time, Turtle.   I am 49 with three kids and two stepdaughters and 300 "surrogate" kids, as I am an elementary music teacher, and STILL have moments of great grief that I could not have any more children.     Your horomones are going through a rough time also on account of your very recent weight loss.  I would say that a medical evaluation and hormonal testing would be helpful.    One poster stated how you are still young with so many other things left to do in your life.  Attitude is part of the picture as well, and even though your child bearing days are over, so many options exist for other fulfilling endeavors.    Good luck to you, dear.