Hate-o-rade!!!

Ok, so I've read on here before about how some relationships/friendships can change after undergoing WLS.  But I thought, "naw, not MY friends, never!"  So you can imagine my shock and dismay when one of my friends, (who is also SMO) made a snide comment to me about my weight loss.  She said "Oh you think you're cute now, b/c you've lost a little weight"  I couldn't believe my ears.  This is the same woman who I supported when her husband died 3 years ago, why would she say something like that to me? But I let it go and thought, perhaps she's having a bad day.  Then I overheard two of the people I volunteer with, hypothesizing over why I've lost weight.  I heard, that I'm sick, possibly dying, pregnant.  Which that may be my fault since I chose not to tell them about my WLS.  But still, I'm shocked that these people who I've considered friends are now suddenly making snide remarks about me all because I've lost some weight.  Anyone else ever have this happen?

Unfortunately this is where my theory that maturity has nothing to do with age raises its truth.  Someone can be 13 or 53 and they can still prove to be immature.  This is pure jealousy.  YOU took action and YOU took the steps forward to lose your weight you found the motivation to fight for yourself and your health and it sounds like your "friend" is jealous that she can't do that.  People will ALWAYS have something to say... there will always be a critic and people trying to pull you down when you are soaring above the clouds with joy that you are getting your life back and finally losing the weight.  At the end of the day all that matters is YOU.  In these times when things change we find out who our real friends are and who loves us unconditionally. 

Sounds like jealousy to me too.
     Sad, isn't it. If you were an alcoholic who stopped drinking, no one would dare criticise you for doing something to improve your health and quality of life. But there is such prejudice against fat people, and sometimes it shows itself at times like this. And we are even made to feel negative about ourselves, which I think is at least part of your friend's issue.
     Try not to let the comments get to you. You know that you made a good decision. Maybe at some point down the line, you will be able to help that friend look into surgery for herself. I hope so.

Larra

Nope. Has not happened to me in my hearing. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors, though. Then again, I tell everyone about my DS. Not much people can say about it when it's in the open.
 
Find it in your heart to forgive the friend whose hubby died. She is probably having a very hard time. Even if I killed my husband, as I suspect I may, I would probably be very bitter and sad just three years later.

Keep your eye on the prize. You did this to save your life, not to win and keep friendships.

Nicolle

Thanks for the positive words, I really do hope my friend will look into surgery for herself, it would benefit her so much. She was already quite heavy when he died, but since had packed on even more lbs.  I'll try to be sensitive to her feelings as well.

Yes.

~Becky

People outside my immediate family speculate all the time about the reasons for my big weight loss.  It's none of their business so I just smile and answer "no" when they question  me about if I've had the lap band or gastric bypass.

Hi There,
Maybe your friend is not only jeolous (or, for that matter, 'envious'), there is a possibility that she feels that your friendship is threatened because YOU are getting thinner and she NO LONGER has a "partner in crime", so to speak (you know, misery likes company syndrome).

Would it be possible to just get together with her and ask her if she is upset with you about something?  If she acts surprised (like she doesn't know what you are speaking about), just respond by saying something similar to, "Well, things just seem to NOT be the same with us; I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like there is a wall between us!"   If she STILL seems to 'dodge' the issue, just bring up the 'snide comment' that she had made and though she may have been kidding, tell her it did not feel like 'joking'; it really hurt your feelings.  THEN 'assure' her that YOUR FRIENDSHIP (bff) is special to you and that NOTHING will come between you.

When changes arise (especially drastic ones like wls, death, etc.), people respond differently in all areas. If the friendship is worth having, talk to her; WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE (no pun intended). 

Thanks, I believe I will.

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