Betrayal.

I have to let you know that this contains information about child sexual abuse.  If you don't want to know any more then don't read any further because it doesn't have a happy ending.  I need to share because I can't talk to anyone about this and I'm reeling.  I'm hurting.  The filth of this feels like it is sticking to everything.

You think you know someone.  You share life events and a sense of humor and get each other like a weird form of symbiosis and expect that it will always be this way.  You never expect that to suddenly and mercilessly cease to be but it happens.  It happened.

Chester (name changed) has known David for over ten years.  He is one of "the Chaps". They meet every Wednesday night and talk about terrible heavy metal music, computers, atheism,politics and movies often rolling about laughing.  Each has an IQ of over 150, each is socially awkward but kind and sweet and passionate about their loves.  David twitters on about computers and technology, Mic (name changed) about his music...he is an amazing musician and has released several songs, John is a permanent student and does obtuse university degrees perpetually and believes in living a minimalist life, Chester loves his terrible metal music and is passionate about humanism,  film and music.  Together they were "the Chaps" and utterly endearing.  I became the "chap-ess" which delighted me beyond measure.  I loved them all.

When I got home from work David was wan and silent.  The first thing he said was "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to yell".  I had no idea where he was going with this.  I never even had a moment of doubt about his love for me so thank **** he wasn't about to fess up he'd been running around.  Mic had just got off the phone to David, Chester was in jail.

It took me a moment to process that information.....jail?  I immediately thought he'd been done for hacking as I knew he'd joined anonymous and felt immediately terrible for him.  David was struggling to tell me what was going on.  He looked utterly shell shocked and I lost my temper and demanded he just ******g spit it out.  

Chester was caught with over 12400 images of the highest level child *****graphy.  The police said it was the worst they had ever seen, so much so they received a tip off as to the level of porn from an informant distressed at the images he'd seen i.e. it freaked out a pedophile in his evil network.  He had images of child torture and *******ity on his computer and had admitted to the police he had been downloading this type of exploitation porn for the last 12 years.  This wasn't just vile it was horrific beyond comprehension with children in agony and fear.  The ground opened up beneath my feet and I fell down the rabbit hole.

I spent last night walking about the house seeing the lovable funny, delightful man that I once admired and was so proud of.  He didn't look like a pedophile, he didn't act like one and was as far as we all knew a committed humanist and passionate advocate for human rights...........except he plainly wasn't.  I tried to find and angle to hold onto him..I thought really hard and came back upon myself in a circle of fear, sadness and nausea.  I couldn't even cry.  I wanted to weep for my poor David who is still ashen and bewildered with a look of perpetual shock etched on his features.  He is utterly without hope, almost like someone snuffed out a light in his eyes.

The remaining Chaps are grieving and furious.  Mic was left with the job of telling us all so even after the heinous acts Chester's committed still others are paying for his hatred, his utter darkness. Chester got married last year and his wife phoned Mic unaware of the extent of the charges and the true nature of the images.  She has had a breakdown.  She is still with him....but likely won't be when he is sentenced and the scope of his actions is revealed.  Her life, her understanding of her relationship, her trust has been utterly violated. 

In one moment vast tracts of all you knew as normality can be swept away.  It is amazing how quickly love can turn to hate. And as the dust settles and we all shake off the shock all that is left is a keen rage and a horror at the darkness. 

May his capture free some of these children from the evil sexual bondage they endure at the hands of evil men.

I'm heart broken.  Justice has been done.  Who do we know?

Omg, Kirmy.  I'm literally nauseous for you.  I'm so sorry you and David have to go through this.

(((Kirmy)))

I can't imagine the emotions you are going through. 

This is horrible, as a mother it ****** me off.  We've seen locally so many arrest for child sexual abuse lately.  I just don't get it, why.

Someone better kill me if anyone ever hurts my boys.  I will be after the mofo I can promise that.

I'm just sorry and sad.  This world is so ****** up and it closes in on you in your most unguarded moments.  I don't know what else to say other than I read what you wrote and that I hope you and all of the victims in this can find peace.  It's things like this that make me sure there is no God.  Sorry if that offends anyone, but that's how I feel.  I only wish there was real suffering and humiliation for the ones that inflict such evil.  Also sorry, I know he was your friend.

I don't really know what to write. I probably shouldn't have written anything, but I could feel your distress and I wanted to help.

I'm so sorry. 

My 10yr old son's assistant school principal was just arrested last week on child porn charges (Found on his home and work computer).  He also was bragging about different sexual acts he'd commited with children ranging from 8-14 in a chat room with an undercover cop.  He was the damn assistant principal in an elementary school. He had just been promoted to principal of another elementary school in the fall.  While not nearly as heinous, I certainly understand the feelings of betrayal and the sense of "how can my human radar be so ******g off to have liked this person" feeling.

This man was such a wonderful mentor to my son.  He had the same birthday and liked the same football team.  He helped us get through some learning disability stuff.  He was cute, young, a little bit nerdy.  He had a wife and 3 yr old.  I really liked him.  My son adored him.  How in the hell could he be such a monster at the same time?

I am so sorry Kirsten.  A big hug to you and David and all the people he has hurt.

Well, I hate to say I am in a similar situation. Found out a few months ago that a church member and friend, he has been to my children's birthday parties WITH A CAMERA. Was arrested and tried for child porn. I had many and many sleepless nights. Not only for the fact that I had known this man, that he knew my children but also for his wife and two children. The wife is supporting him, that he is innocent. What a dumbass. So I hate to not be a friend to her but I want absolutely nothing to do with him.

anyway, I understand how upset you are. I truly truly do. I was able to talk to a few friends about it. I went crazy and deleted any body on fb that I didn't know. I stopped posting pics of my kids to my family blog.

I hope you get through this. There really are sick people out there. I hope your husband and his friends find solace.

 Oh my poor Kirmy.    I've never wanted to meet up with you more in person than I do right now, just to comfort you.   I feel that this evil act you've discovered about your David's friend is something that hits too close to home for many, many of us.     As a teacher of the, statistically, most abused children in the state, who has witnessed the fallout from little girls and boys raped by cousins, siblings,  fathers and "step dudes," as we call their mothers' boyfriends, this infuriates me beyond reason.    Literally beyond reason.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Somehow in the back of our minds - perhaps perpetuated by fairy tales, the monsters in life are easy to spot.  The reality is that they look and act like everyone else until their secrets are discovered and exposed.  The indirect reprocussions of their deeds have victims too.  Just remember there are more regular people than monsters out there. Right now, there seems to be monsters around every corner because your trust was broken.  Time is one of the main healers of this type of wound.

Hugs to you for the shock and betrayal you and D are feeling. I hope the chaps and chaplets can get together and talk this out.

Luv,
Ratkity

Kirmy,

I am so so so sorry for everyone involved.  The other secret which may or may not come out is that this predator was highly likely abused as a child.  I don't believe that normal people just choose to do something that is so horrific. 

But regardless of the reason, if there is a reason, you are hurting as is David and your friends.  Take special care of yoursleves and of each other and my hope for you all is that in time you will recover from the shock and betrayal and will feel some sense of healing.

Hugs,

~Becky

Oh my poor Dear Kirmy!  There are really no words to make this better.  You're right, we honestly can't know the true nature of another person, even if we hang with them, drink with them, even make love to them.  Your shock, revulsion, grief, sense of betrayal, these are all painful emotions and I'm sorry you have to experience them.  There are various organizations whose main thrust is to put an end to such atrocities.  Perhaps hooking up with one of them is what will help you and David heal a bit.