I've been given this superpower. Now, can I use it for good instead of evil?

 I think there are hundreds of us on these boards that could have written this same post.   Even at my "advanced" age, I get hit on all the time, and it's truly mind-blowing, isn't it?     Where were all these men previously?

Unfortunately, in the over five years I've been living on these boards, I've seen countless marriages end for various reasons, but all too often, it's because an individual starts getting lots of attention and gets addicted to it.  I've actually seen people become sex addicts because of it.  It's heady stuff.    They begin to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and sadly, it usually is not.   The children ultimately end up losing in these situations.   As a teacher, I can attest to what marital changes do to children emotionally.    We can always tell when a child's parents have split up, because they start acting out at in school.   If you are happily married, and if you have children, please do not compromise your marriage due to the momentary attention from another person.   Remember - that kind of attention is purely sexual, and it's perfectly okay to thoroughly enjoy it.     Your husband's love goes far deeper than that.     Remember, those men are not texting you because they want to be a great stepfather to your children, or because they want to unclog your toilet in the middle of the night.   They want sex.   That's it.

 I ended a nine-year-long cohabitating relationship at a year and a half post-op, not necessarily because of attention from other men, but because he chose alcohol over our relationship.  I'd begged him for years to quit drinking and he just got worse and worse.    However, my newly-thin status gave me the guts to do it, because I truly felt that no one else would have me as an MO.  When I met my now husband, I told him on our second date that I had had WLS.   He shrugged his shoulders and said "So, I would have thought you were hot even if you were overweight."  Now that's MY kinda man!    Men still hit on me nowadays, and I always smile at them, tell them they've just made my day, or maybe even my week, but that I'm very happily married and not looking to lose that.   They always smile right back and almost always behave respectfully towards that rebuttal.  

Julie,

It is truly mind-blowing.  I have honestly never been hit on like this.  Literally, I had four different men gush over me this weekend, other than my husband, and quite frankly, I didnt know how to
handle it!!  I know I'm happily married, but hated to cut them off because I liked the attention!  However, it is NOT worth is, because my hubby is my world, and so are my kids.  I was just needing some inspiration on how to handle it, and your reply really helped.  Thanks!!


Sarah

for me it's been pretty easy. once i got over the initial shock of being noticed, i just had pleasant conversations with whoever was around and chatty, and if i felt or heard something that seemed more than that, i'd make a point of using, "my husband and i" more often. or if necessary i'd tell the person that i'm an old married lady. i spend most of my waking hours near campus during the semester, and i have a couple of favorite hangouts to have a beer and do schoolwork. so yeah, it comes up sometimes,

i am committed and loyal, period. that's my bottom line. no random guy in a pub is worth even a second of what i have with my husband,  

**LIKE**  Thanks for your response, Elizabeth!  I totally agree with you.

i've only had to get forcefully blunt once in that kind of setting and spell out to a guy that i was NOT there to hook up and he needed to buzz off. he was pretty drunk i guess, and the bartender got involved and got him the rest of the way out of my hair.

wise words Julie!

I have to laugh because I have not spoken to ANYONE about this, not even on here. About 6 months ago, my DH's best friend started texting me, his wife and I are good friends, but not "best friends", I don't have one of those, you could say my sister is my BF. BUT he texts me all the time "talking" to me. Calling me sexy and that. I just laugh and get very uncomfortable.
I don't like it, just keep it to one lines when he dose text me, soon he stops for a while. he just texted me the other day that they bought a house down by us and we call all get together more now. Really I don't know if there is anything to this, but I do know that he tells me all the time how "hot" I am, blua, blua, blua... I for one am NOT interested, are things that great with me and my DH, ummmmmmmmm NO. but it has nothing to do with attraction to the opposite sex, it has to do with issues we have had for a while.
I like what BusyBee had to say, they were not there for the "thinker and thinner" of it all, what gives them the right to think they should be there now.
JMO, we all have our place, its up to us where we land. I for one think of my Princess and what it would do to her if anything happened to me or DH, she is why I keep trying every day.
You do look HOT, and its a wonderful feeling, and GOOD for you, you deserve to be hit on, but in the end we have to remember who we go home to every night and how much they add to our life.
Sarah you have really rocked your DS, congrats on being so close or hitting goal!!! Can't wait to get there myself.

Toni,

Thank you for your honesty and opening up.  Thank GOD I am not alone in this situation.  I have been handling my texts somewhat similar to the way you have been.  You guys are all so great to talk to -- like my free counselors!  But I knew I would get very good, very honest responses from you guys and I am so thankful to have this board. 

Thank you, Toni on the kudos -- you will be there soon!

if one of my guy friends started calling me sexy, i'd end the conversation with a pretty sharp warning that he was over the line. if there was a repeat, i'd be putting an end to the friendship. i expect my boundaries to be respected and refuse to have people around me (when it's voluntary) that don't do that.

I was going to chant Evil Evil Evil, but that was before I saw that you're married.

You are not alone. I worry about the same thing and I haven't had my surgery yet. I actually discussed this with my husband this weekend. Some guy was flirting with me this weekend and I kind of liked it and it totally freaked me out.

The only attention that I want is from my husband, but then that happens. I don't know what to do. I told him he needs to start treating me like when we were dating. Maybe we've gotten too comfortable in our 13 years.