Eating Disorder - Yeah, I have one

I'll try to keep the body count to a minimum.

Aww ((((Hugs)))) Janine. Sorry your having problems. I wish I could help you as much as you have helped me.

Thank you Ann - the hugs are necessary!

 Janina, sweetheart....

My inlaws and stepdaughters have made it their personal goal in their lives to ruin mine.     They have joined forces against me and are bound and determined to turn the entire town against me, merely because I refused to be bullied by them.   Fortunately, my husband stands by my side.    We keep telling each other, "We cannot control their awful behavior, we can only control how we REACT to it."   Still, it keeps me awake at night.      

I 'm happy for some folks on these boards that feel that their respective surgery, or counseling, or medication has cured their eating disorder; however, I know that mine will never be cured.    I'm too old to fix that.    I'm just happy that my DS helps me manage it a bit better.     I'll always turn to food for comfort, all the taking up hand crafts, exercise, yoga, journaling or mantra saying in the world isn't going to do much for me, so I've just learned to pick myself up after a bingeing episode, dust myself, forgive myself, and put one foot in front of the other.     

Change the things you CAN control, like taking more credits to get finished with school or getting a different job, or joining some type of activity that gets you away from home, or finding a rich sugar daddy that has a penthouse in Manhattan you can flee to (just kidding) and stop beating yourself up over the things you can't.

Now that journaling thing might not be such a bad idea, because you're going to have LOTS of time sitting on the toilet crapping from those three ice cream sandwiches, LOL.   I'd be doubled over on the toilet from those!

I'm liking the sugar daddy idea....

 You are NOT alone.

That's why I started going to OA meetings almost 3 years ago and got involved with the ED ministry at my church. Therapist are a God send, I wish I could still see the one I was seeing in Cali. 

Family members push our buttons because they are the ones that installed them. 

((((huggies)))

Thank you Nik.

You are not alone. The cries of frustrations in your post resonate with me. Your words are a reflection of my own frustrations with my life. 

Tonight my husband made a comment on how I'm not the type of person to sit with a tub of ice cream and a spoon and gorge myself. I looked at my sister sitting beside him, and silently shook my head. There are few women I know who have NOT experienced moments such as these. The reason my husband doesn't see me as that kind of person, is because those moments are typically private and kept from public view. My binge eating was never something I was comfortable having an audience for. Heck, I never want to be seen consuming gobs and gobs of food, i'd feel like a living stereotype the world holds of fat people. But seriously, this figure didn't come from eating wisely and in small portions.

When i find myself in the head space that leads to this type of behavior, i'm typically isolating myself because I'm in a dark place where I'm stuffing my emotions back down my gullet with food. 

I commend you for reaching out to others and booking an extra session with your therapist. You are proactive in your recovery, both mentally and physically. You should acknowledge the good work you are doing, and try to tune out that nagging voice in your head that critizes every mistake you make. 

As far as your education, don't give up. I am 34 years old and still working on my Bachelor's. Believe me when I say I feel your pain. My struggle with self-acceptance has been an ongoing challenge, and one that I am working towards over coming daily. I consider myself lucky to have a job, let alone one that is subsidizing my education. Each credit closer I am to obtaining my goal, and meeting my self-imposed expectation, the closer I am to forgiving myself for past decisions, and returning to a place where I have a sense of pride and accomplishment. 

Whilst in theory, having the pig skin under your belt will lead to a higher paying job, in these uncertain times, I question the validity of that way of thinking. So many people are graduating and taking menial jobs because that is what is available. So don't be too hard on yourself. You have a job. That's something to be grateful for. 

Try to identify the silver lining, even if on occasion you might contemplate strangling others with it! ;) 







 

Thank you.  It's so hard for me to see a silver lining some days.

hope you are feeling better,  and if you have any tips on finding a sugar daddy let me know!