OT I need feedback.

I have to write a letter to my college about getting a full cost of tuition waiver. They wanted to know about my current financial hardship, why I dropped this class 2 times and documents to support this. I called the school to ask questions but no one has gotten back to me. I was up all night writing this letter, it was extremely hard for me, lots of emotions..today I feel like crap. I put a copy of the letter on my profile at the bottom. I need to know if it is good enough, is it too much? I am including tax returns, MS Money print outs of our gas costs and income, death cert, insurance papers, copies of my fathers personal calendar, transcript copies, surgery proof. Please let me know how it is. Tracey

Wow Tracey--You have had an amazing couple of years. My heart goes out to you. The letter really gets your point across about the difficulty of the past few years. I am not sure I would add the part about thinking about changing your major in order to avoid writing the letter. I think you have that in there twice (not sure, I need to open another window to see). I'm also concerned about the paragraph where you first mention moving in with your parents and your Mom paying your tuition. I think if you skip that particular paragraph--it is well enough explained later. I think I would stress the part about needing to step away from nursing after your Dad's illness but then arriving at the conclusion that nursing is what you are really meant to be doing. In fact--where you mention you are vague on dates--I am not sure you even need to get that exact with dates--just generalize. When mentioning the wls--focus on health deteriorating--in addition to the discomfort. I would mention that you are now ready to focus totally on school. I am a horrible writer--but it just seemed a little disjointed is what I am trying to say. Oh yes--and also focus on your doing this to improve your family's situation. You did the hardest part--getting it started down on paper--cleaning it up a little should be much easier. I hope it goes well for you. As I read this I have so many emotions about my own family situation. My son is graduating from college next week and my daughter just informed us she doesn't want to go back to school to finish her last year! Anyway--good luck. Also--I had a friend who went to school for nursing and the hospital where she was gonna work paid for her college--have you looked into that?

I finally got a call from the college and it was explained to me what they want. The basically want me to focus on my current financial problems, which my tax return is enough for that. I also included in my new letter a part about my son having surgery at the end of the month and I am saving money right now for his deductable and the 20% I am responsible for afterwards. I did say my mother loans me money for tuition and that I pay her back little by little. I also needed to tell them why at the times I dropped why I dropped, that is why dates where vague...I know it was around that time. I have documents included with dates and such. The person at the college was very understanding, I was tearing up on the phone asking questions. She realized how upset I was and told me what I have is great, they just want to make sure, I didn't go out and party my money away and that is my financial hardship or my cell phone bill was too high. I told her over the phone our income for a family of 5 and she said you have a financial hardship. She also told me to bring the papers to her personally and she would make sure the person that heading the committee got it right away. As you know I understand family emotions, maybe too well. Tell your son congrats and tell your daughter she needs to fini**** is so important. I am going to look into if the hospitals around here have a program like that. I need that or a loan, I feel horrible for borrowing so much from my mom. Are you planning on going to the Ft. Lauderdale Convention? Thanks so much Tracey

Tracey--that is great news about your conversation with the school. Tami did a great job of re-writing the letter. gosh how I wish I could express my thoughts on paper in such a thoughtful way. Oh--believe me I have tried everything to get my daughter to finish school. She says she is not gonna--at least for now. Unfortunately--we are having to do the 'tough love' thing in hopes she realizes how difficult life will be without a degree. She won't learn anything living here with us. Anyway--that is great news on your anniversary. Re--the Fort Lauderdale convention--I will probably go--although that is way too far in advance for me to plan. I had such a great time in Orlando and it would be great to see everybody that I met there again. Do you think you will go?

There has been some talk amoung a few friends about a road trip being planned. I offered up my Expedition and my chauffeuring talents. My family is already planning stuff not to fall on that date so I can leave the house, they know I need a break. Your daughters college credits will always be there for her, she will realize she needs a degree sooner or later.

I took the liberty of rewording your letter a bit, here it is. Perhaps it will help you as you go over it with a fine tooth comb and make it yours. These words are only suggestions and I'm sure you can make it all sound wonderful. You are incredible, and I know your Father is so proud of you. I am proud of you Tracey! hugs, Tami To Whom It May Concern: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to apply for a cost of tuition waver. Having gone through such an emotionally and financially intense two years, I have been able to firmly determine what course of study I need to advance in, and that is nursing. I already have an AAS in Human Services, so I have too many credits to receive a Pell Grant. My husband does attend Valencia also, but he has a GI Bill. We have a family of 5 that is supported on one income. My husband works for Makotek, which is a contractor for Brighthouse. His pay fluctuates depending on how many jobs he is given per day. With the extreme gas prices right now, we are paying $150.00 to $200.00 per week depending on how many jobs he has to drive too. This has severely cut into our family income. I have included all the requested financial documents. Over the last two years several life changing events occurred. The first being my father having a stroke and ultimately being diagnosed with cancer. I was the primary care giver for my father, along with caring for my three young children, the youngest being 5 months old at the time. It became necessary for us to move in with my parents so we could better care for my father. At that time, I was able to attend Valencia in the fall of 2003 and 2004 and began preparing my application for the Nursing Program. Spring of 2004 we found our home had major structural damage due to a sinkhole and we were forced to find somewhere to live. June 10, 2004 my father was informed that he had spots on his lungs and liver and would have to undergo a liver biopsy, and was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. It was at this time I dropped A &P II the first time. I was very stressed out by what was going on in my family. In addition I was morbidly obese, at 300+ pounds at the time. It was hard to sit in desks at school, and my legs would go numb from sitting on the stools in lab. My primary Doctor and my Bariatric Doctor both made it clear, without Gastric Bypass, I would be the next one with a stroke and was seriously a health risk. It was imperative I have surgery. So here I was in June 2004 facing a serious life threatening situation which indicated surgery for myself, caring for my father with stage 4 myeloma, and dealing with our literally sinking house and being homeless. I had surgery on August 4, 2004 right before all the hurricane**** My father started chemo during this time in hopes to prolong his life a little bit. I took this semester off due to all of this and also the house was being grouted with concrete. It took 88 trucks of cement to stabilize the house, but the house had fallen 8 inches in the garage area. December 2005 I decided to try to attend classes again, as I had lost almost 100 lbs and was a much healthier person. However, soon after classes started Dad took a turn for the worse, was placed on Hospice and he needed 24 hour care at home, which I gladly did till his death April 13, 2005. A month later part of our home was condemned and it was decided that 1/3 of the home would be torn down and rebuilt. In the Fall of 2005, I decided to come back to school and try computers, I didn't want to have to plea my case for a cost waiver and I was also not sure if I wanted to be a nurse due to watching my father die. It took me since December to get up the courage to pursue it again. I know I am ready to move on, I have mourned my fathers' death, I have lost 181 pounds, and I am a new person. As you can see from my transcripts from Valencia, I am a 4.0 student. I just had an unbelievable 2 years. We have finally moved out of the house this past February; we will be in this rental home for 1 year. My kids have been deemed homeless by Seminole county schools due to this event, so my son is bused to his normal school, my middle daughter couldn't be bused so she transferred. I have included support documents that I could find, since we are only moving temporarily, we have stored most of our items including paperwork in storage. Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely,

Thanks Tami! That sounded much better and less machanical as mine did. I wanted to have my feelings in the letter. The first letter my mom wrote and was her telling them about all I have done for her and how I have grown and gave her emotional support. I soooo didn't want to write the letter and that is why she did it at first. After I read hers I said ok...I want them to feel how I am feeling right now, I was crying and stayed up til 4 am due to not being able to sleep til it was off my mind. I am feeling much better now, I attended class last night and I have a lot of back studying to do since it has been 2+ years since I did A&P I. Monica from the boards has helped out a lot, she had the same professor last year at this time. I know I am going to have a good time in this class, only 10 out of 12 students showed last night. Thanks again! Tracey