Why R people so cruel?

I am so sad, I could just cry! (My eyes R watering as I write this.) I left the nutritional meeting at Baptist tonight...and decided to stop at a restaurant for dinner with my son who is 5, as I'm hoping that soon enough, I won't be eating out for a while. Anyway, I'm dressed nice, well enough kept, I have a BMI of 42-I know I need to loose weight...anyway, I followed the waitress with my son, and as we passed this one table of 3 men and one "skinny" woman...she blurted out "and that's the reason I'm a vegetarian"-as I walked by. I wasn't just being sensetive, it was aimed at me. I was sooooo embarrassed, I just pretended I didn't hear her, but it hurt so badly. I couldn't enjoy my food. I was to embarrassed to even eat my food in fear the they would be looking at me. (OK, now I am crying.) Even when I was "skinny" after bootcamp, I was never one of those types of people...but boy has she made me feel ashamed of who I am right now. (wiping tears)...

Oh, honey! And people can people be cruel, but stupid, ignorant, etc. As if vegetarians can't be overweight, for starters (hello, carbs??!!) She probably threw out that ridiculous comment to solicit attention from her tablemates. I am so sorry. There are plenty of things that could have been said to her, but what would be the point? You *definitely* outclass her, and THAT is the best thing to model for your child. Dry your eyes, lift your chin, and go kiss a sleeping child goodnight. That always makes me feel better. Kristen

Hi Laurie: Even tho I have lost a lot since my surgery, I am still very large. I am not good at quick quips either. If I am out and about,( and I am a lot) and I hear something said or get that look, I just smile real pretty. People tend to act stupid in groups. They may not let on that they shouldn't have said or did something right then, but if they have any kind of heart or conscious, they will feel bad about it later. If they don't, well, then nothing is wasted on them. We have enough to deal with in life, ya know? I refuse to allow some idiot to make me feel bad. Blessings! ~ Tina~ p.s. God has a special place in His heart for people of size.

My favorite line is, "You need to work on your quiet voice." Kristen

ohh that breaks my heart... i am so sorry you had to deal with some persons idiot disease... dont forget ( no matter what size you are) you are BEAUTIFUL.. no one deserves anything that we ( of large size) have to deal with on a daily basis from everyone else... other people just couldnt understand.. and its so sad your baby has to see this happining to his mommy... be brave girly!! you can do it.. hugs and thoughts comming your way alexa

Hey Laurie, Keep your head up and smile, we are almost there girl, no stopping us now. Words can hurt, but remember, you a wonderful person and people like that are missing something in their life it's called "BRAINS" and "MANNERS". Keep smiling, plus it makes others wonder what you are up to . Oh by the way did you get my email and my reply to your former post? Jerrie surgery 6/13/05 BMI 40

Ok, maybe it's just me, but I like myself and I stand up for myself when others say cruel things to me, about me or about others. They may not be thinking that they hurt my feelings as they are speaking, but they sure are going to know it once the words are out. First of all (and this is hard), take pride in who you are right now. Your a great person inside and out. The shell maybe large but you are a great person. You were doing a nice thing for you and your son. That shows you are a great person, so believe it at all times. Second, stand up for yourself. Next time, turn around and let your son see that you and everyone else deserves respect and treatment of dignity. Say to the lady, "you may not have intented to be hurtful and make fun of me, but you did and I heard it." She may laugh it off, but she will be embrassed by her comments and you may even get an apology. I am so tired of people who make fun of me because of my size getting away with it. They think its ok because no one ever challenges their mindset. Third, don't ever let what you think that someone else is thinking about you interfere with enjoying life. That is also very hard to do. I use to live my life worrying about what is this person thinking about me or am I doing something that might offend them (even if all I was doing was eating my dinner at a diner). That is a horrible way to exist and I no longer worry about what other people think of me. Simply because I can't read their minds. Dr. Phil calls it our tapes that go off in our minds. If they are watching, who cares. I'm me and I like me. More than likely they aren't even watching or thinking about what I am putting in my mouth. I say all this, Laurie, to encourage you to change your attitude about who you are and how you handle yourself. The sad thing is that your son experienced all of this with you and you had to pretend to be ok with it all while he watched. That is so sad. Next time he will see his mom stand up for herself and him and be proud of who she is and teach someone who was rude a lesson. You don't have to be cruel to the person who was rude, but the next time they will think twice before they open their mouths. Hope today is a better day for you!! Lori

I understand that you felt hurt by the comment. But please realize you acutally don't know what she was referencing or if it was actually directed at you. "and that's the reason I'm a vegetarian" seems kinda common place, as if she was just explaining her choice and you walked by just as she was finishing up her point. I've found most of the things I think people are saying about me...are just that I THINK...it's all in my head. Don't let others rule your world, don't be in fear of eating in public, who cares if they look at you? You know the truth and that's all that matters. ~Sarah

Oh I agree with Sarah!!! Who knows what the table conversation was about, and she felt that her reply would be funny. I do know first hand that people are mean however. I had a man shout across the parking lot at a grocery store that handicapped parking spaces were for handicapped people, NOT fat people! while I was getting into my car in the handicapped space. I just smiled and waved to him, lol!! I also believe that when someone does make a remark that they think is funny, at the expense of someone else, that those with them look at the person and see the person's true face, not the one that's put on for public appearance. And it may be an ugly thing they see. One of the most amazing things I did, about 5 years ago, that changed my life, was to stop worrying about what people think of me. I just don't care anymore. If they like me, great. If they don't for whatever reason, hey, that's OK too. I let go of a lot of bitterness, anger, and jealousy I was feeling. Letting go of all that baggage was an answer to prayer and I am so happy these days. Big hug to you! Karen

Thank-you everyone for your help...I was really hurt lastnight. I am so grateful to know I can post a message (even if I'm crying) and still get support from you all. I felt like I wanted to curl up and disappear lastnight and all your support REALLY helped me. I am back on top of the world today. Funny what a difference of 1 night of sleep and a few friends can make. I did receive a couple of emails that questioned her target and I wasn't just imagining it. They were just eating their meals, not talking as we approached...and when I walked by is when she said it. And I did turn and look at her for a quick glimpse to see if she was indeed saying that about me. Believe me, it was in a nasty tone and without a doubt, aimed at me. I felt like telling her if she opened her mouth again, I was going to sit on her! LOL!!! One advantage to being LARGE!!! LOL!!! I am going to do a new post for some news I received today...so U will all understand my great mood right now!!! I love you all and thanks so much for helping me through that last night! Laurie