:argue Help with family support

I am schedule for my RNY for Feb 21. My mother and father are from the old school, and they are totally agaisnt me having this done. They claim that this is crazy and that I should take other avenues. Well I have been on several supersived diets and always go back to the same. I suffer from sleep apnea, HBP, Gout, High Lipids, pain in my joints and getting close to following the footsteps of my mother as a diabetic. I have researched the procedure for several years, in addition I have met closed friends that have had it done. I seen the good the bad and the ugly, yet I want to go ahead and get this done. Any suggestions to deal with this family issue.

First- know that your family's opposition is probably due to their fear for your health & safety done out of their love for you. My parents were very concerned, but after I explained all my reasons and all the reasons 5 of my doctors felt I NEEDED this this, they became my biggest supporters! If you've explained the reasons & that you've done your homework, researching your choice of surgery type & surgeon, and they're still not supportive all you can do is try to tune out their negative comments. Once it is done & they see how great you're doing they'll probably come around. Hang in there! Vickie J. 277/138.5/138

Hey Carlos, I can understand where you are coming from. I am choosing to tell my mother the day before the surgery. My mind has been made up, and I am totally not gonna allow any negativity to stain what I know is right. This is for you. Once it is done, don't worry they will accept this. Or better yet, it won't matter cause whats done is done. Ruben

I wish I could share my story with every nay-sayer out there. I am one of so many post-ops who embraces life today versus watching it pass me by when I was at 432lbs. It is hard for the "old school" folks to understand WLS since many of them only heard the horror stories from the days of stomach stapling. If at all possible take your parents (or one of them) to a support group session or WLS info session. They can listen to many people share their success stories and journey. Taking my mother to one session and my sister to another helped gain their support. They both could ask lots of questions and talk to post-ops so they understood WLS better. If your parents wont go, then surround yourself with the people who are supporting your decision. Once your parents see your early success, commitment and the fact that you are doing well, they will eventually support your decision. Good luck! Amy

Carlos, My mother was totally against me having WLS. That's even after she saw what it did for my wife, who had it 18 months before I had it. I decided that i ahd to do what was in my best interest, no matter what anyone else said. I made the decision early on that you were either with me or against me, if you were with me great, thanks for the support. If you were against me, get the hell out of my way. I had little contact with my mother between the time I told her about my WLS decision, and the day of my surgery. I didn't want to listen to her tell me that I only needed to go on another diet, or I only needed to eat less, or if i would just exercise , I could the weight with out surgery. I had not been able to do it for 41 years, I was not going to be able to do it now. so I avoided anyone who was negative, especially my mother. Even after I have lost 170 pounds and i am in better health than I have ever been in my adult life, she still thinks I took the easy way out. Do not let anyone get in your way, if this is the right thing for you, go for it. Do what you have to do, for you. Steve

Steve, the next time your mother says you took the easy way out, tell her that you did indeed take the easy way because the hard way wasn't working for you. Sorry I missed ya'll on Saturday! Jan

Jan, I would but then she just gives me that, "that just means you're lazy look". So we just don't discuss it. We missed you too, maybe next time. Steve

Steve, I did not realize that was you at the meet and greet on Sat, this is Tami with the brown curly hair. I was wearing a long jean skirt. I now can see by your posting pic it was you, but the pic is dark and its hard to see your face. Sorry I did not chat and say hello, I thought you were someones spouse or something, anyway, I apologize for not saying hello! Will catch you next time. Will a delayed "Hello Steve, nice to finaly meet you be ok?" blessings, Tami

Tami, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to talk with you. I'm real bad about plopping down and talking to just one or two people, I know, I should mingle more, but the laziness in me comes out. I realize my posting pic is dar****ep saying I need to put a new picture up, maybe I will one of these days. Tami, it is definitely my pleasure to meet you. I hope that we both can make it to the next meet and greet, so that we sit and chat a while. Steve

Coming from a hispanic background I understand what going "against" your parents can make you feel. But in all honesty - you have to do what you feel is right. If those celebrities who made it big listened to those who told them they'd never make it - we wouldn't know about them today. So you know you know you have to chose what is best for you...once they see the possitives - they will come around. My mom was not in favor at first and was afraid when i approached the subject again.......but I was admamant about it..and she had to accept it. Stick to your guns. Just be sure that you understand the risks and that you are okay with everything. Good luck to you.