I'm new to the group and have not even introduced myself but I thought I would jump in here. It sounds to me like your mother-in-law has some concerns about the surgery and what it will mean to you and how it will affect your husband. For a lot of women food is the way to say I love you. Have you talked to your mother-in-law about the surgery and what it will mean. I was really concerned about telling my husbands family about my surgery because I just did not think they would be supportive. What I discovered is that my mother-in-law turned out to be a great support. She just needed information. Even to the point of wanting to watch what I was eating when I first started on solid foods. There is a real concern with a lot of people that we will never be able to eat again which is just not true. Your husbands relationship with his mother is his business but it sounds like there is also something else going on here. It sounds to me like concern for you. Just my two cents worth.

What is it about a BIG BUTT they like? Silly MEN! LOL You know?, the changes we go thru after this WLS is confusing..The weight comes off remarkably FAST and our heads are left behind for a while..it's unbelievable to our minds and also to our husbands..it really does take time for eveyone close to us to adjust to all the changes in us. I think I have this "thing" my husband is going thru all figured out..he's not too much overweight, but enough to feel self consious about it, especially now that I'm thinner than he is. He felt fit when I was so overweight, and his confidence was higher, then. So here I am, wearing nice new stylish clothing, feeling so much more energy and leaving him behind in a way. He's still wanting to sit infront of the TV, snacking away..something we've enjoyed doing togetherin the past...but now I just can't sit that long and can't eat the junk anymore..I've managed to get him out of the bed in the morning a time or two to either walk or swim with me before he leaves for work, but he'd rather sleep and does that most days. He still wants to eat the same way as before..and I've tried to feed him healthier, but I'm having to fix him somthing else soon after the meal because he's just not satisfied with the "light meal".. Well anyway, I'm having to make him feel good about himself by being the aggressor now. It's all strange to me because he has always been the one to chase me around..and too often...LOL It all just came to a screaming halt after the surgery and tho' I didn't mind at first, but it eventually started to make me feel unattractive and I started to worry. I'm sure there will be more role reversals to come..one thing I need to remember is my husband loves me very much. I know that and I shouldn't have panic'd the way it did..I just need to figure this out..and I did. Oh, by the way..congratulations on your dicision to take this journey..You are beautiful now, so I guess we can see how the hubbie would worry about how much more beautiful you'll be after the surgery..we just have to keep their ego's up, just as they done for our big ole butts..LOL Best wishes, Janet

Janet: Give him time. Take him aside and really talk it though. Did he like you better chubby because it made him feel more secure? Sometimes spouses get worried or jelous that their SO's will suddenly become visable to the oppisite sex and therefore no longer find THEM attractive. Talk things through with your sweetie~!

Well, it's been a long time since I've felt attractive to my husband. For the past few months, no more chaseing me around the house. He's always treating me as if I have a disease now. But also say's he loves me. My self esteem is out the door. Mind you, I'm I'm pretty flabby, but not hanging in my skin, except for under my chin a little..that's ugly. That's about it, tho'. My husband keeps saying, Don't lose anymore weight, but I'm only 6months out and I know that I'll keep losing for the next year or so. I've lost 83lbs so far..I"m 5'9" and wear as size 12 now and I thought I was looking pretty hot and was thinking that it's just my husband's insecurities that's making him act like he is..NOT, He said he misses my big but and legs. Or he's afraid he'll hurt me, playing around like we use to. When I met my husband16 years ago, I was this size and he was attacted, but he never was unattacted to me as a "big" woman either..I don't know what happened. I'm confused and worried and he just say's he needs time to get use to the changes in me. Hummmm..I am still me, Big or small..I just don't get it. What is really going on here? Wonder. Help, I need some advice on what to do here..I am SO hurt and confused. I'm going to try and go annom. on this post..If I can find how, So noone can google this.. I'm Janet G.

Oh, I think MIL should be appreicated more than resented. She's a mother and I don't think anything would be accomplished except hard feeling and regret, present and in the future if she was shut out or insulted. We must realize she won't be around forever. When she's gone, all the guilt one could feel is not worth it. Take what she gives and when she leaves, just throw it out if you don't want it. I've never heard of anyone regreting kindness, in giving or receiving it.. YES! I'm a mother and my Baby is my only son..I couldn't imagine him telling me to butt out. After all, if not for me, he wouldn't be the mr wonderful that he is..lol