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Topic: Some concerns about upcoming surgery
I'm currently in the process of getting pre-authorization from my insurance company so I haven't had the surgery yet but I have a close married friend who has. Recently her husband confided to my husband about how hard it has been for him after her surgery. The entire time he has known her she has been overweight and always at his side during social gatherings. Now, after surgery, she's a size ten, much more outgoing and frequently will mingle when in a crowd. Her husband recently began taking an anti-anxiety medication but refuses to seek counseling.
My husband wasn't sure how to take this but has commented that he doesn't think he'll feel this way at all. But, when I look at our friends and at us I realize we could easily be in the same situation. I tend to hide behind my weight and I think it makes my husband feel more confident. I also think he hides behind my weight.
Any suggestions for me or my friends?
Topic: RE: 85 lb wl and hubby is not complimenting
Hi guys
I just had my surgery on monday and see some changes in my husband already. Besides the fact that he is being exstremly mean and insensitive to me. ON the day of my release from the hospital he told me he was tired and that I needed to find myself a ride back home. Right now I am up and feeling very depressed. I have not told anybody although I know people have noticed how he treats me and I am so embarresed. The lady who is my angle has made several comments on his behavoir. I know that she is right but I just try to ignore it because it hurts too much to face what is really going on and the fact that it is acually worse than she sees. I cant take this. He says he fell in love with the big me and is not interested in a skinny wife. I know that it is insecurity on his part but I cant take this. Plus, if I am honest with myself, I have been being abused before I got my surgery but I am scared. This is my second marriage and I just dont wont to fail at it again. A time that is supposed to be so happy has opened my eyes wider to a very sad future with this man. I need to make some decisions, but I dont know where to start.
Topic: RE: 85 lb wl and hubby is not complimenting
Oh boy! This subject really hits home for me and I'm 20 months post-op and down 170 lbs. My hubby has yet to compliment me. He has never told me but he tells others that he wished I had never had the surgery. He is a couch potato when not working and doesn't like to be around people...me...well I love going out and doing things and meeting and making new friends. I'm working thru things in my head and trying to get ready to file for divorce...but the little fat voice (that still lives in my head) tries to tell me to stay because I'm financially stable. I keep telling myself that there is more to life than money...I've really got to convince myself!
Terri
Topic: RE: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
The DH and I just had our 5th wedding Anniversary! I have almost no drive for the last year or so, I am almost 3 mo. out and it still hasn't returned.:-l I hope it comes back soon!
Topic: RE: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
even though i'm a pregnant pre-op, i must say that there was a time that i lost the self esteem to be a great "sexerciser" for my husband...while i am waiting to give birth, and even mos. before, i began a journey of finding myself, and i have learned to love myself NOW. When u begin to love yourself, (your body included) as you are....you kind of begin to feel that sexiness....which your husband picks up on....and loves!!! I just lost all inhibitions....my husband had always been telling me how much he loves me for me. I began doing the same, and givin' it to him in a way no skinny woman could! 
trust me....men pick-up when we are uncomfortable and it makes them feel uncomfortable.I believe after wls, you will feel better about sex, but until then girl.....get your groove on!!! 
YOU R BEAUTIFUL NOW!!!
trust me....men pick-up when we are uncomfortable and it makes them feel uncomfortable.I believe after wls, you will feel better about sex, but until then girl.....get your groove on!!! YOU R BEAUTIFUL NOW!!! 
Topic: RE: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
In my case it wasn't my drive but my self-esteem that kept me from being the wildcat I used to be. But since surgery (I wasn't that interested in getting back on the horse the first 2 months, because of pain) it's been like a whole new world!! You feel better about yourself, so naturally you are gonna perform better and want to get "busy"!! So just wait and see, you will enjoy all the benefits of WLS!!!
Topic: RE: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
Brandi;
My husband and I will be celebrating 9 years in May. In the 8 weeks since my surgery, I am starting to get the drive back.
I can't wait until I'm down to my wedding night weight (40 lbs to go) - hopefully it will be the start of our second honeymoon!
I think it's a common problem among anyone that isn't comfortable with their current weight. I have a good friend who had Lap RNY in 3/2004. She shared a lot with me about how much more confident and sexy she feels with her partner now that she's lost 160+ lbs.
I'll be praying for you in the upcoming weeks leading to your surgery.
Jennifer
Lap RNY 11/15/2005
253 / 212 / ???
Topic: RE: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
My DH and I just celebrated out 10 year anniversary and I must say that for me the drive has returned!
Feeling good and healthy about your body can only make you want more sex more often!
My psychiatrist said that many marriages fail after WLS and I told him many marriages fail without WLS. All I know is that we do it alot now and it is good!
Hope thats what you wanted to hear...LOL
Topic: RE: 85 lb wl and hubby is not complimenting
Casy,
I too am going through this. However, mine wasn't exactly demonstrative pre-op. I guess one thing I have learned, after a friend pounding it into my head, is that you can only be responsible for yourself. You took a major step in having the surgery and going through all the stuggles post-op that it entails. I am down 70 pounds and if a compliment passes my husband's lips, it's almost like a "does not compute" goes off. You have to compliment yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Cause if you are like me, the period of time waiting in between those compliments is too far and few. The answer to the second part of your statement will come. I do believe in "being in love" feelings, but life is different after the surgery, we're different. You have the power to decide whether or not to find those feelings again or if an emotionless comfortable marriage is not what you want. Focus on yourself.
Topic: Sex question..... we are all adults here lol....
Me and my husband have been together for 10 years. Through out the years, I have lost that "drive" if you know what I mean. I am hoping it comes back with the weight loss. Anyone else had this problem before wls and it got better? Please say it does lol...
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