Internet Dating (Sigh....) (LONG)

Hey all - Well, about 3 months ago, I started to dip my toes into the internet dating pool by joining EHarmony, now known as Ewhatajoke! My very first match was a seemingly nice guy named Maclean, who appeared not to be able to type, write or speak fluent English. I asked him some questions, he never responded to them, but sent me consistent messages, "Hi dear, love reading your posts, email me more...." Finally, I realized he wasn't retarded, but was German and COULD NOT speak/write English well, he said he was widowed and was looking for someone to love and love and take care of his child. After a couple days of weird emails from him, I just closed him, only to get another message saying, "Please reconsider, I thought we had potential!" WTF????? Then, about two weeks ago, I get an email from Ewhatajoke saying that due to client complaints, they had removed Maclean from their system!! Gee, it took them longer than it did me to figure out he was a whacko!! So then I joined match.com, now known as Voldematch.com. The very first guy, Dave, wanted me to go out that night before he even provided any info. He finally called the next week, and when he learned I didn't want to go out that night (my dog was critically ill and ended up being put to sleep the next day), never called again. Then there was Chris, who actually was a great guy - we exchanged emails for 5-6 days, had a 6 hour phone conversation and met on Labor Day. We hit it off well, decided we would go out again, and then the following Saturday, he (said) he ran into his ex-girlfriend, and they both decided to get back together. So I got kicked to the curb! What follows next is nothing short of comical, and all of it's true: Brian - we emailed and talked on the phone, he talked about how most people lie on their match profiles (sadly, true), and how dating's such a joke (again), but he mostly focused on how much he hated Maryland and wanted to move back to Texas (so go!). I didn't call him back. Then, there was another Chris, who seemed nice enough in emails, but wasn't very forthcoming with much info. I gave it a shot, met him for coffee, well, it was supposed to be coffee, but since he didn't want to walk to Starbucks because he wanted a soda, I ended up drinking a bottle of water. We walked, quickly, I might add, around the Avenue at White Marsh, with me asking questions, him providing monosyllabic answers and not asking any of his own, and parted ways at the parking lot. Oh, yeah, did I mention he smelled and had zit-filled skin and greasy hair??? Next came Kenny - he seemed like a good guy, we met for what I thought was going to be dinner, but ended up being 3 hours of nice conversation, 6 iced teas for me, 4 big beers for him, he didn't walk me to my car, but did call the next day. Now, keep in mind that I was married to an alcoholic, so I'm a bit gun shy. He divulged to me that he liked to get drunk while watching football (what's the point?), and I told him that while I liked him, the beer consumption kind of scared me and that I understood if he didn't want to see me again, but that that was a non-negotiable for me. He said he understood, that he still wanted to see me, and would call me that evening. Never heard from him again! Then there was Watson, who liked chocolate (a big plus in my book), and seemed pretty intelligent. We met for an Italian dinner and coffee, but he was so consumed by an argument he had had with his younger sister that he couldn't speak intelligently about anything. He was another one who didn't ask any questions or at least show some courteous interest. He was angry at the sight of a group of kids wearing low-riding jeans. They weren't bothering us, though, so I don't know what the big deal was! I thought he was walking me to my car, and when I turned around, he was on the opposite sidewalk, yelling, "Bye, Teresa! Take care!" Yeah, you, too, Watson!! Next up is Mark, a nice Irish guy *****sponded to me with a wink, and when I saw on his profile that he wanted children (I can't have any) and that he wanted someone slender or toned (I'm not), I emailed him and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm what you're looking for," he responded with a, "Take a chance, give me a call!" Okay, buddy, you asked for it, so I did. He had a very heavy brogue, but seemed nice enough, so we talked a couple of times, he would always tell me to call him because he owned his own contracting company, so the last time I called him was on a Thursday, and he was having concrete delivered and had to go, but said he would call me later so we could plan something for the weekend. Never heard anything. Finally, on Tuesday, I sent him an email saying, "What's up?" and he responded, "Worked all weekend, I need a drink, will call soon." Alrighty then - oh, yeah, did I mention that the first thing he said to me was, "When are we going out to knock back a few pints?" Finally, I sent him a message saying I was taking a break from dating (if you can call them dates). Lastly, sadly, there was Ted. Ted and I emailed a couple of times, talked on the phone, I left work early on Friday to meet him for coffee, and he had told me on Thursday, that if we hit it off, we'd continue with lunch or dinner. If not, we'd part ways after coffee. Fair enough. Now, his profile said he had dark brown hair - it was gray, it said he didn't smoke - he does occasionally, but he said he put that on there because no one wants to date a smoker (no one wants to date a liar, either!), and that he doesn't drink (yay!). I'm only a social drinker, if that, so I didn't want someone who wanted to drink all the time. So we meet, he's a seemingly nice guy, we have coffee, he suggests lunch, we have lunch, then he's got to get home (works from home) to tie up some loose ends so we can go to the movies that night. Woo-hoo! I'm thinking I hit the jackpot!! On the way home, he calls me and tells me how pretty he thought I was, how he had a hard time keeping his hands off of me, and then said, "Are you attracted to me?" and when I said I was, he suggested a hotel! Um.....not yet. So he said he was okay with that, and he'd see me that night. We also made plans to meet Saturday evening. So Friday evening goes by with nothing from him, I call, get vm, think, "Okay, something came up with his kids," nothing. Saturday, there's a message from him saying, "Well, I have to be honest, I don't think we're a good fit. Your really nice and have a lot to offer. Good luck." WHAT???????? I fired back a pretty scathing email, to which I expected and got no response. GRRRR!!! I was soooo careful, always made sure my brother and my bff knew all the details in the event my body washed ashore, met in public places, tried to take my time, be charming, dress nicely, etc. Not really sure what these men want!! Not sure they do, either. I realize there are a lot of women liars/cheats, etc., but I'm so disgusted and discouraged with the male population right now, or at least the ones I've met. I'm done, folks, I paid my $$, cancelled my subscriptions. Now I'm gonna go crawl back under my rock for a while. Having said that though, if anyone has any single men in their lives - DECENT single men, send 'em over with a shovel, would ya????? Take care, Tia

Hi Tia, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you had such bad experiences I know there are alot of crazies on-line but I wanted to let you know that after my divorce I met my Prince Charming doing Yahoo chat and we have been married for 8 years now and he is truely Mr. Wonderful!  I just wanted you to know that hiding among the nuts  and married dogs there are a few good ones left and I am sure you will eventually find him!!  Best Wishes!! Stephanie

Aw, thanks, Steph!  I'm actually okay about it, the only one I regret is the first Chris, he was a great guy.  He wanted to stay friends, but I told him, sorry, I have enough friends (in a nice way!).  I did tell him to let me know if it didn't work out with this other girl, but..... I'm glad you met your Prince Charming.  I found a lot of the same match guys on yahoo.  I think I'm just going to focus on me for now - taking care of Happy, KB, and going back to school after the holidays.  I was just convinced that he was out there and that I would find him, but now, he's going to have to find me!!! Take care, Tia

You better SNAP that rubber band!!!!!!

"Oh, bite me!" said the gorgeous blonde to her equally beautiful, spiky-haired friend, "You KNOW I'm better than before!"

Tia, I am sorry you have SO FAR had a horrible edating experience, however I have to tell you a story so you might want to wait it s a while and get back to dating and men (however method you prefer) Bear with me if it looks long, I have this friend who is a post-doc, so intellignet, so gorgeous, hot body (tall, size 4) nice hair , nice fetures who had a horrible husband and divorced him with two beautiful wonderful daughters. Holly has been dating guys (including edates)and yet gets worried and scared as soon as something gets serious for fear of losing her freedom(I don't blame her, so much bad history), now this friend of mine Holly has another colleague friend who is also chic and nice who was married 2 times, once the guy was so horrible that she had to forgo the possibility of getting gren card, ran to her home country and yars lator came back to US, studied hard, got a job with federal, married a butcheer (now knows he married her for her money) and up to 2 years ago stayed single, she is close to 60 and doesn't have any kids, however about 2 years ago found her match online in UK(according to her after 14 years of searching and online dating) and their wedding is on Thanksgiving weekend, Sophy still has to work here 2 more years to retire and the guy has a very wonderful job in UK that even Sophy doesn't want him to quit, however just this weekend she was telling us and my friend Holly not to be dissappointed, she said go for it even if it takes you years, your match is somewhere and if you look for it ( even though it sometimes gets frustrating and dissappointing) you will hopefully find it. She advised Holly that being with one horrible man doesn't mean that you always have to lose your freedom with relationship. Although in your case I absolutely understand your fear of bottle in any potential case! So dear Tia, I hope you will reconsider men and dating after a while and get back to it however you prefer.  Ellie

Ellie - Thanks so much - I know I'm not alone out there, it's just pretty frustrating at times.  I will get back into it eventually, I think I just need to sit back and take a break right now. I was convinced that it was always my weight keeping them away - well, I'm still overweight, just not as much - and I'm starting to see that fat or skinny - men (and women, I guess), can be nuts!!! Not giving up completely, just hoping he'll somehow fall into my lap!!! Hugs, Tia

Hey Tia - I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!  I have been separated/divorced since 8/04 and what  a hoot this online stuff has been!  I could run through a list of similar experiences. But I think we all know and recognize that dating this day in age is NOT fun! I have just turned my experiences into a list of screening questions!  Are you gay? Do you have track marks?  Do you have a parole officer assigned to you? Do you share a house (or bedroom) with your momma?  Are you able to read? Do you have a job? Some seem kind of basic, but you'd be surprised. The parole officer one is real - met a guy off of yahoo (after emailing for about 2 weeks and many long phone calls) for a very nice dinner. Had a great time, sitting sipping a glass of wine before coffee/dessert and he comes out with "well, my parole officer says..." --- don't ask me what the rest of the sentence was, I couldn't tell you!  I even went to the Singles forum on here, but there weren't any singles - it seems they are  a very tight group, and many of them have become couples and still post on the singles board. That was disappointing.   I have joked that I am waiting for one to drop into my lap with a post-it note on his head that says "God says I'm IT".  Otherwise, I'm taking a dating break! LOL  Hang in there! There have to be a couple decent, single ones left somewhere! We just need to find them!  So if anyone has those nice, quality, single men they are referring I get 2nd pick to Tia!!!

Hey Caryn - Thanks for the unintended chuckle!!!  Trust me, I'm well aware that I'm not alone, but that doesn't make it any easier to understand. The sad thing is, I'm afraid in the future, I'm going to have to resort to running background checks on them!!!!!  Only the first and the last seemed to hold any promise, but the last one turned out to be just as goofy as the rest!!  Oh, did I mention he was from Westminster???  hehehe!  I'm sure that had NOTHING to do with it.   OMG!!  A Parole Officer!!!  It's enough to make you want to squeeze your butt out the ladies room window!!!  You're right about the Singles forum - nothing there, but they are usually a nice bunch of people. 

I've said that I'm going to  make my brother wear a t-shirt that says, "Ask me about my single sister!"  Of course, I'd have to do it in Ravens purple so a man would pay attention!!!

It's disgusting, disheartening and comical, all at the same time!  Yep, if I meet someone, I'll see if he has a friend!

Tia

Tia, So sorry you had such a bad run!  I met my husband on Match.com and I really feel that when you are supposed to meet the right one, you will.  I was on my own for 10 yrs and I often joke that I dated half the men in Baltimore!  I'd given up on internet dating having tried EHarmony, Match and Yahoo in the past.  I'd sworn off the sites for nearly 2 yrs when in a moment of weakness thought to check if my Match profile was still there (I'd hidden it)  I changed the age of my son- suddenly Match made me active again, and I was emailed by Larry a day later!  Have faith! Cathy