Why can't I stop?
I need some support guys. I've been struggling for awhile now with very bad eating. Reading Aaron's post, I can't help but wonder why I am still doing the junk food runs. I feel aweful. I am extremely tired all the time and have developed hypoglycemia (reactive). I can't stop shoving food in my face. I haven't lost weight in a very very long time. I've kept the weight gain to a minimum but that is the only good thing. When I eat junk, I regularly have to throw up cuz I overdo it or just feel bad from the dumping. This self destructive crap is scaring me. I've tried to stop but i last maybe a day then I go back on the carb drugs again. I know I am the only one who can stop me but I guess I need to know if someone has been there and was able to stop.
((( NIC ))) I'm not gonna throw a lot of rainbows your way today because I know that's NOT what you need.
At your support group meeting, I learned some things about you that I didn't know (your childhood, etc.). In my not professional opinion, I think you're trying to "fix" everything that's "wrong" with you at one time, and it's too much - your home, your marriage, your job, your transfer addiction, your weight loss - it's just TOO overwhelming for one person!
Evidently, you feel like you need to punish yourself, and overeating and becoming sick and the shame you feel afterward is your personal way of punishing yourself.
I know you said you were seeing a new therapist. Have you yet? You know my opinion of the one you had, so if you haven't, get your butt to one.
You KNOW we're here to help, but you definitely need some professional input so they can put you on the road to a healthier, happier you.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but know that I'm here for you.
Tia
At your support group meeting, I learned some things about you that I didn't know (your childhood, etc.). In my not professional opinion, I think you're trying to "fix" everything that's "wrong" with you at one time, and it's too much - your home, your marriage, your job, your transfer addiction, your weight loss - it's just TOO overwhelming for one person!
Evidently, you feel like you need to punish yourself, and overeating and becoming sick and the shame you feel afterward is your personal way of punishing yourself.
I know you said you were seeing a new therapist. Have you yet? You know my opinion of the one you had, so if you haven't, get your butt to one.
You KNOW we're here to help, but you definitely need some professional input so they can put you on the road to a healthier, happier you.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but know that I'm here for you.
Tia
Nicole,
I don't think there is an easy answer to this. There are all of those underlying reasons why and how we use food that are independent of our surgical tools. After the first year, I began struggling with this too. It has been worse lately since I have been off my routine and home most days. This is a complex journey that has similarities, but is truly different for each one of us. For me, I seek counseling when I feel I need some focus and direction. Ultimately my success is up to me. Right now, the technique I am trying is to build a schedule and routine structure into my days, planning ahead what I am going to do hour by hour, including meals. I have only been doing this for a short time, but so far so good.
I am sure there will be days when this is harder than others. But I have to remind myself of how far I have come and that I will NOT go back to where I have been before, no matter what. The one constant for me in all of this is working out. That is the most consistent thing in my life right now and I feel like I would be lost without it.
I feel like I am just talking about myself and not really helping you with your concerns. However, I cannot give you a magic answer to all of this. Just know that you have my support and friendship.
Debbie
I don't think there is an easy answer to this. There are all of those underlying reasons why and how we use food that are independent of our surgical tools. After the first year, I began struggling with this too. It has been worse lately since I have been off my routine and home most days. This is a complex journey that has similarities, but is truly different for each one of us. For me, I seek counseling when I feel I need some focus and direction. Ultimately my success is up to me. Right now, the technique I am trying is to build a schedule and routine structure into my days, planning ahead what I am going to do hour by hour, including meals. I have only been doing this for a short time, but so far so good.
I am sure there will be days when this is harder than others. But I have to remind myself of how far I have come and that I will NOT go back to where I have been before, no matter what. The one constant for me in all of this is working out. That is the most consistent thing in my life right now and I feel like I would be lost without it.
I feel like I am just talking about myself and not really helping you with your concerns. However, I cannot give you a magic answer to all of this. Just know that you have my support and friendship.
Debbie
Nicole
I've been in a bit of a stall myself - but I know exactly why...I graze.
I am so scared of gaining weight - I guess that is what scares me "skinny". I, unlike other times, got rid of all my fat clothes. If I weigh 250 lbs again, I'm going to be wearing a toga or running around naked. THIS IS SO MIND OVER MATTER!!!!! Last week I SO WANTED jelly beans. Not sure what kept me away but I didn't "go there". My band is a bit on the tight side so I really can't get my possible binge foods in - chinese food, buffalo wings (which is a good thing)...but I always think of myself as a fat person just waiting to get fat again.
At dinner, I walk away from the table. I can't eat if the food is not in front of me. I love hanging with the family at the table but I pick and eat more than I should SO I WALK AWAY. And Jimmy cleans up (or so he says...).
I agree with Tia - talk to someone - and hopefully someone here will tell you the words you need to hear.
Peace
E
I've been in a bit of a stall myself - but I know exactly why...I graze.
I am so scared of gaining weight - I guess that is what scares me "skinny". I, unlike other times, got rid of all my fat clothes. If I weigh 250 lbs again, I'm going to be wearing a toga or running around naked. THIS IS SO MIND OVER MATTER!!!!! Last week I SO WANTED jelly beans. Not sure what kept me away but I didn't "go there". My band is a bit on the tight side so I really can't get my possible binge foods in - chinese food, buffalo wings (which is a good thing)...but I always think of myself as a fat person just waiting to get fat again.
At dinner, I walk away from the table. I can't eat if the food is not in front of me. I love hanging with the family at the table but I pick and eat more than I should SO I WALK AWAY. And Jimmy cleans up (or so he says...).
I agree with Tia - talk to someone - and hopefully someone here will tell you the words you need to hear.
Peace
E
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