No Support (or at least......)

Well I had my initial consultation with the Dr at Johns Hopkinds yesterday.  I tipped the meat scale at 348, more than I have ever been before in my life.  The appointment went as I figured it would.  Reviewed my history, family history, and then just talked about the surgury.  I have been on this Drs website so many times I basically walked him through the whole process.  I had some Q&A and then he told me he's ready to do it and that I am a good candidate for this surgury and do very well having it. At home I told my wife all about the visit and as expected she just doesn't want to spend the money.  Even if I can finance it through my family and pay back like $100 a month for 10 years so that it won't impact our budget much. She won't listen and just tells me to diet and walk, everynight walk.  Which I do anyways.  I think she'd rather have a new dining room set or new hard wood floors in the house rather than me get this surgury and be healthy.  That's how it feels at least. She can tell Im depressed about her reactions and trys to give me advice.  But her advice is really only good for someone like her who is trying to lose 20-30 lbs, not 100-130 lbs.  She just doesn't understand what it is like. It totally sucks.  If it were up to me and only me I would have my surgury date in sight and just go for it because I know in 6mo-1yr I'd be down the weight and feeling much better.  To me every month I wait is another month I'm losing out on.

Dude - I hate to be brutal, but if you and your docs all agree that you would benefit from WLS and you are financially stable to do it by any means necessary......... Do what is right for your health. You know the routine of excuses and attempts and plans.  Take action for yourself.  I made a huge sacrifice to have my surgery when I did.  Almost a year out now, I only wish I had acted sooner! Best of luck regardless of where your path leads.

Remember - it is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission! Maybe she's afraid of losing you in the procedure?? If you really want this, offer to see the psychologist at Johns Hopkins Bariatrics for a conjoint session (or better yet, a counselor of her chosing). CB

She wasn't worried when I had my vasectomy a few months ago.   Its all about the money. I will have this done at some point!  I would just rather her be on board.  It just sucks that she isn't and that she can't see what I've been going through. I wish I could look into the future and say wouldn't you rather me be like this in 6 months. Maybe that would get her attention.

Jack,    Your weight is going up and your attitude is going down-fast from the sound of your letter. For reasons even she probably doesn't understand, your wife feels threatened by this surgery. Perhaps she is just scared. Or perhaps she does not want you to spend the money. No matter what it is you gotta do what you gotta do for you man. You want this surgery and coming from someone who is almost a year out, you will be glad in ways you can't even imagine when you too are a year out. I didn't have my wife's full support when I made my decision. But it was my decision and mine alone to do this. That's the only way it can be.      Pray and listen, then follow your heart. If your heart is in the right place, it will never send you down the wrong path. You have to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do.    Good luck Jack. Feel free to PM me if you wish. Doug

Jack, You may want to remind your wife that she'll have far less money to live on if you're unable to work due to obesity related problems like a stroke or heart attack and end up bedridden.  Funerals aren't cheap, either.  The overweight make less in their jobs, get fewer promotions, etc.   If I were you, I would do what is right for your health, and the odds are your wife would come around.  My sister, who I needed to rely on for logistical support like transportation during the surgery, was pretty resistant at first to, thinking it was too dangerous, and she wasn't too happy with my choice of facility, but she came around and was actually very positive when the surgery happened. 2 1/2 weeks out, I'm doing well, losing about a pound a day, and feeling pretty well

Man I know you love your wife and from chatting with you in the past you value your family...  BUT...  if you do this you gotta do it for YOU!   YOU are the one that's gonna have to live with this decision for the rest of your life.   I really wi**** was as easy as just walking and eating less pre-op.   I wouldn't have been Fatty Arbuckle for 10 years if that was the case.   It was a neverending cycle of lose 50, gain 75.  Lose 100, gain 150.   It's not easy and you gotta make her understand that you are actually doing this for her in an indirect way by taking control of your weight once and for all and making a commitment to being healthy.

Jack, Sorry you have been put in such a position as this.  It has got to be hard.  I do think she feels threatend by you wanting this surgery.  I don't know how you can assure her that you will still love her after the surgery except by continuing to love as you do now.  You do have to think of yourself and how much this surgery will benefit both of your lives.   I pray  the two of you can come to an agreement before a decision has to be made about your health.  I put my surgery off for so long that I did not have a choice to make.  The doctors told me the surgery was the only chance I had of being alive.  Don't let your health get to that point because then the surgery becomes much more dangerous.  Try to point out to your wife that the longer you wait the worse it is going to get.  Even if your weight does not go up other things will such as high blood pressure.  Good Luck, I will be praying for you .

You are not only doing this for you but for your family as well. Your wife needs to see that it will boost your self esteem and make you a happier person to get along with if you are happy with yourself. I say do it! If she loves you and is really concerned with your health then she will stand behind your decision and support you. If she doesnt show support, then maybe you need to rethink your relationship. OOOps, sorry, dont listen to me, my wife said she would leave if I lost weight and she did so I am a little biased. I also just found out that her new boyfriend is moving in with her, what I dont get is that I am skinny like him now and it didnt do me any good. My relationship was sinking anyway I guess. All in all, I pray for you and your wife to keep the communication open and the support for your decision high. Good luck and I cant wait to welcome you to the loser's bench!

When my wife first came home and told me she wanted wls I freaked. Than I started reading this site, not for me but to find out more about what she was doing to herself. The before and after photos were very powerful for me.  I suspect thats what your slide show is for....lol Give her time to come arround. It was not long after her I had wls also. Get her involved in the descovery process. I really hope all goes well for you. Derrick