I've Hit Rock Bottom-It's long, but you guys are good help

Ding, ding, ding, ding.... we have a winner. Nice reply, garion. Coming in a close second was the reply about taking a baseball bat to the dude's car.

Boner

Yes, I too agree with these statements. I'll add that to me it sounds like she's got herself in a situation where she's going to falter. it's not that she's untrustworthy..but rather that she's in a bad situation and she's going to find it hard to get herself out of it... she's loving the attention..and it's going to get her in trouble. It's the whole 'newness' of this prospective caller that has her all dreamy eyed. She knows deep down it's not right and is probably denying to herself that anything will come of it. She's hooked though and you need to step in.  It already sounds to me like you don't feel she is capable of handling the situation. I know if it were me I would feel it was my duty to step in to correct things. You can't stand idly by and let her walk all over you. How would you feel if she went through it and cheated? You'd be devastated.  Much better to handle it now and deal with the lesser consequences. My wife and I have been in quite a similar situation before.  My best advice to you is really make her understand how this makes you feel and that if she isn't willing to stop then it is likely going to cause problems within your marriage. I feel like it is my duty to protect my wife from men like this. We're men..we know how they are.. Don't kid yourself. You know what is going on. Fix it.

Get back into her email / IM and make copies of all that stuff.  Hit them both up and give them ONE chance to cease and desist. When that doesn't work, hire a divorce attorney and use the emails & IM's to avoid paying alimony.  Send the emails and IM's to his wife and your HR Dept. Your getting played, bro.  Don't bend over for it.

Chris, this man's wife know perfectly well the situation she is in.  And you only can protect someone who want to be protected.  The guy said he already confronted his wife about the other guy.  And she still continuing her behavior.  She don't sound like someone who is in need of protection to me.  The only person who is hurting in the situation is the guy who wrote the post. 

I like this old saying my teacher told me... She said a man chases a woman until SHE catches him...  That other guy might be the one doing the chasing but in the end his wife will be the one doing the catching.

This is not a hollywood movie where the guy is all understanding and things workout in the end.  He need to confront this guy and his wife together and end this once and for all.  And if he catch him at his wife desk don't sneak back out the office so they can't see you.  Why are you sneaking around?  That's your wife.  Confront him right there and let him and her know how you feel.  It might be embarassing for all involved but hey..  Sh*T happens.  Everyone at work already know what's going on anyway.  So you can't look anymore foolish.  Not that I am saying you are foolish but really need to learn how to stand up for yourself.  And women don't like a man who can't stand up for themselves.  I don't care what hollywood, Dr. Phil and Oprah tells you.  Women do not like weak men.

My take on what women prefer is much like the 3 beds in the Goldilocks story:  1. Women do not like weak men.  2. Women do not like strong men. 3.  Women like men who are aaaaaah, just right. Since I'm obviously not qualified to speak intelligently in this area, we need to have Dr. Baja provide us his professional insight.  Boner

I'll give it a go, Boner.  Here's what has worked for me - your mileage may vary: 1.   STOP TRYING TO PLEASE WOMEN!  IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE, AND THE *****ES WILL RESENT YOU FOR IT.  I spent much time, effort, and $ trying to be all things to all women in the hopes of obtaining *****  While I did succeed on occasion, the loss of self-respect was disheartening.  You'd be much better off just buying some quim on the street. 2.   KNOW YOUR OWN MIND, AND INSIST ON THINGS BEING DONE YOUR WAY.  Don't let the cooze run the show.... that's what they are expecting you to do.  If the Broad is in charge you will both live a miserable, bankrupt existence.  Demand respect and stick to your guns.  Don't get yourself stuck in a situation that you can't bail from at the drop of a hat. 3.   ONCE A ***** ALWAYS A *****  Didya meet her in a bar?  Was she cheating on her boyfriend at the time?   Does she list "Lap Dancing" on her resume?  By all means, nail the **** out of that **** but hit the bricks running as soon as you've squirted out the ol'  "baby batter". 4.   GIVE RESPECT ONLY TO THOSE WHO HAVE EARNED IT.  Man or women.... and don't allow yourself to be disrespected in return - ever. 5.   DON'T BE A ******G *****  A man knows how to change a tire, oil, and can build a camp fire.  Along with hauling out the trash, mowing the lawn, and fetching something heavy from up high, this is the extent of his household chores.  Mopping, vacuuming, dish washing, diaper changing or anything else involving the cleaning of indoor **** and **** etc.... this is Women's Work.  Unless you have a vagina, don't do it.  Unplugging the ****ter is debatable.... after all, there is give and take in any relationship. 6.   SEX IS NOT OPTIONAL IN A RELATIONSHIP.  It is not a reward, or something withheld as punishment.  Sex provided enthusiastically is your right for the asking, without sex there is no relationship.   *******s, unlike *********** are also not optional.  Carpet munching (during the correct "moon phase", of course)  IS a reward for good behavior, and may be withheld if the ***** is found to be slackin'..... without any impact on the activities mentioned above. 7.   BUY A MOTORCYCLES, PREFERABLY A HARLEY.   Not much else to say about that.... except that all the above will be much easy to obtain on two wheels. ** The guidelines above are merely suggestions.  Bajaddict bears no legal or financial responsibility for following the opinions listed above.  In rare cases divorce, venereal disease, and testicular amputation have occurred.  Should any of these symptoms materialize, cease all activities listed above and resume your miserable *****whipped existence..... your on your own, ******

yes-sir-e-bob, that's what I'm talking about, Baja!! You have an uncanny ability to layout "man-rules" in a concise, revelant, no BS, obviously scientifically-backed, factual laden message. You left no stone unturned my good man. I am now truly inspired in my quest to be "all that I can be" from a manly-man perspective. Time to get me a hog!! Boner   

I was pretty much living by baja's rules before. Then I came to Japan and got married and found out I could break those rules without penile-tie (sp?).

I have to agree with Baja...get copies of the information, confront them both and tell her she is out of line for even entertaining the idea that it is ok for this guys to flirt, make passes and even ask for a date! tell him that if he doesnt stop hitting on and flirting with your wife he is going to have his block knocked off! She is allowing this to happen even after she has been told that you have issues with it. They are disrespecting you and your marital promise, get a grip(around either's neck) go with your feelings and be jeolous, make a big thing out of it cause it is for you! Dont let it go! PS, My wife just left me so I am a little one sided on this.

Thanks for your help guys.  I thought about the whole "put a knife on his desk and place sticky on it that says 'you' but you've really helped.  You guys helped restore my confidence.  Time to go, figuratively, kick some ass....