follow up to Atty Dallas

Tim A said "I keep working my plan everyday but I never forget what it was like to be the biggest guy in the room and I never will..." And I gotta say, that for me this is SO SO true too! I will never ever forget. I will never ever forget the looks on the other people at the buffet restaurants when I'd walk by with two plates heaped with food...time and time and time again! I will never forget the shame I felt when I had to ask a friend to take my kids go-karting, cause I couldn't fit in one and hold the youngsters on my lap like he could. I will never forget trying not to notice as people talked about me as I walked by, or laughed behind their hands as they elbowed each other when I was near. I will never forge****ching my kids shrug or moan when I told them to get up in the family room and go to the fridge for a snack for me. I will never forget the pain in my knees, my ankles and my overall body aches. I will never ever forget this.....and I will never ever have to endure ANY of that again.  I'm thin - well, I'm 203 which really aint thin - but hey from 404 I'm in love with my new self and I hate those decades locked to the couch and I'm on the ride of my life! I too have lengthened my life; I too have changed my life and I too am looking forward to the next few decades with hope and a future that I can control.... Just my take...but thanks so MUCH to you gotoman for starting this post....and to one and all for each comment....whoever said men can't "relate" and "feel" has just never been to our Locker Room.... Have a great one lads...it's a long weekend up here and I'm gonna mow the lawn tomorrow just cause I can! Oh, drink a beer too I think....a Molsons! Jim

I have the same memories Jim and I'll never forget any of them. I'll drink one in your honor my brother of the north!! Tim

This scares me. One of my biggest things I wanted from WLS was a new self image. Now even at 10 days out, I've denied that I look any different, even though I know what they're telling me is true.
I was explaining to a skinny friend the process a fat person has to go through when ask to do something.. "Do they have chairs?, Will I fit and have room?, Will I be somewhere someone will stare? am I going to have have to do anything physical and sweat all over someone?" and he was speechless.
My biggest fear is that I will never be able to answer an invite with a yes without analyzing where we're going.

At almost 6 months out, I *still* don't see any change when I look in the mirror, and when someone tells me I'm crazy, all I can see is how much I still need to lose.  I don't have that same problem patting myself on the back when I drop a shirt size or belt size (or two) every month.  These are objective metrics which seem to have their own trajectory. Even at my heaviest, I never really saw myself as super-morbidly obese; when I looked in the mirror, I just saw "me".  Now, I still see "me", and "me" could still stand to lose 80 more pounds!  /Steve

I think I've picked up more post-op, how to handle life, advice in the past 10 minutes reading these posts than a crap load of counseling.

1. Definitely going to save a set of the big boy clothes.

2. Definitely going to concentrate on living forward

and

3. Definitely not going to answer the door for the paper boy, or Grandma's or anybody else!!!!!

 

Thanks guys for the sharing!

 

 

I was considering going to a group, but realized that I'm getting more support here than I could with a bunch of women. I'm not sure that it has to be a group setting to get the support. These guys are awesome.

The short answer to your original question "How do you get past the negative image bull ****" is that...   you don't.  

I've lost 260 pounds and yet sometimes when I look in the mirror I still see the fat guy from 2 years ago.  If you were like me you spent years and years looking in the mirror hating yourself for the way you looked and the way you felt and it's hard NOT to feel that way sometimes.  

Guess it's just gonna take time.

Hi All, First, thanks to AttyDallas and Russ for bringing up the "rest of the story" about weight loss. And thanks to everyone who's been contributing to this conversation. I doubt that I'll ever feel "normal" or "finished" when it comes to body image, weight or anything else, really. In the first place, I've spent at least 40-45 years out of 62 years self-conscious about weight, gaining, losing, gaining, always feeling at war with myself on that score. So I guess my psyche is conditioned to fret and fear. I actually don't have a once-and-for-all body image. Mine's always been distorted. I've felt "big" and "massive" when all I was was fat. I've felt sickly and puny when I was at a healthy weight. Etc. And my self-image can swing on a dome--or .5lbs. More significantly, I think, human beings adjust to cir****tances, so that winning a lottery makes a guy happy for a brief period and then he's the same guy only with a zillion bucks. I buy a new car and get used to it. In other words, my "happiness" has a sort of set-point no matter what. But . . . I am not a fatalist. I believe that attitude adjustments are possible and effective. I also believe that persistence and desire pay off and that by individual effort and group support (family, friends, church, this Locker Room) we can and do help one another keep our bearings and perspective. That's why we can sometimes see others' successes and virtues yet overlook our own. (And, gulp, that's why sometimes we need a bit of "reorienting" when we make excuses or indulge in bad habits.) So add my voice to those saying to our Dallas friend, "Don't trivialize your accomplishments or diminish them with unreasonable notions of success. As the Sages say, the journey is the destination. You are a healthier man today than you were 200 lbs ago, and we don't want to judge ourselves by our looks the way that people judged us for so long. We know how shallow and cold that is. And we know that a garden with just one kind of flower would be pretty boring. Thank God we come in all shapes and sizes." Brothers, forgive my long-windedness and touchy-feeliness, please. I'll be back to my manly crudeness soon.

hey russ,

thanks for putting me on that list! we've been buds long enough to speak plain so here goes. i've been reading some 30 plus posts in reply to your observation. first and foremost, i wouldn't want to be Tim or Dx! seriously. i know there's a term for it but i feel like an imposter sometimes. my body change has been so drastic (and admired) that i feel phony. never mind that you can't fake muscles. i still feel like a fake. believe me guys, i cheat, i deal with run away grazing, i've been addicted, the list goes on. point is, i'm not near perfect and i live in fear of being found out. i bet a lot of guys really feel like this, you included.

i guess it's natural to try and find a new personality with our new looks. for me, i'm haunted by two things. one, when i was in our inititial meeting with the surgeon he asked my g/f if she was cool with this. her response was, well, i'm afraid he'll lose interest after going through all this and gain it back. now i wasn't pissed. not by a long shot. i realized it's true, women know us better than we know ourselves. she verbalized my biggest fear although at the time i wasn't thinking it.

second haunt, fear. someone mentioned putting a finger in the dike. i feel like that too. i'm an addict. i'm only one (use anything here) away from going over the edge.

so the whole point i'm trying to make is what has been said my friend by so many others today. i know my demons, acknowledge them and then put them back in the box and try to focus on where i've come. i swear, sometimes i feel a lot of pressure to stay the course and i have fear, big time of failure. that's why i can't imagine being a poster boy like some of the guys. that would be sure fire death for me. i couldn't live up to it. not strong enough like tim or dx. but hey, that's me and you are you. yeah, i see the fat guy too and i'm never fully satisfied with my looks. gravity got me too and i'm not going to do plastics to fix it. i'll just live with it. how? i try really hard to say two things. if i fail, i say, i'll do better tomorrow. secondly, if i see the fat guy i'll flex my arm and say, yeah, i didn't have that when i was a fat azz!

do whatever it takes to see the bright side once in a while. i'm not a sunny guy (although i drive a yellow truck!). but this board has taught me a thing or two....or three. to keep coming back here for insperation. after reading all these replies to you, i don't feel so fat today......your bud, carbonblob

Russ,

Maybe you're just humble - a great quality. Humility is something few people ever accuse me of. I suppose if any of us expect to continue looking in the mirror and keep feeling great from that, we're probably not being very realistic.

You are in great shape and look great, but I think more important, is your role here and most likely in your career and at home. You are a great source of support and assistance to others. Don't forget it! So now, in addition to the looks and fitness, see if you can look in the mirror and see that.

Best Wishes,

Dave