Big Boner says "Pack it on" before WLS

Just got back from Iowa and spent a lot of time with my older brother aka "Big Boner." Well, my brother is scheduled for WLS on July 22 so he checked out a bunch of locker room posts while I was back so he could become better "educated" prior to WLS. The one particular thread that interested him the most was the one regarding post-WLS weight loss and the resultant increase in "tool" size. Mind you, Big Boner is a brillant "stategist" so after reading all the posts, he concluded, "why not pack on an extra 100 pounds prior to WLS and gain a few inches for the effort."  Mind you, he and I are extremely competitive. If successful with this strategy, he could possibly surpass his little brother in terms of package size. To me, his logic is flawless albeit unusual.  So, bottom line, he's looking for ways to gain 100 pounds here over the next 2 months. Any suggestions?  Boner    

Corn Syrup and Oil IV?

Plenty of corn in Iowa so an IV drip of pure corn syrup makes a lot of sense.  Thanks, Adam.  Boner

Way I figure it, a case'a 24 beers weighs about 20 lbs or so...so all he needs to do is to get like 5 cases of his fav beverage...and swallow! Oh, pork rinds are a good appetizer during same, as are humoungeous offerings of chili, nachos, Buffalo chicken wings, BBQ ribs and sponge candy (dunno where that sponge candy item came from, just want some right now, ya know?). Add all that to a long weekend, parked in front'a the HD 58" plasma screen with only one channel tuned to ESPN...and big Boner will be BIGGER.... Er, a Porta-potty close at hand might help too..don't wanna burn up any calories heading to the john! Jim

Excellent suggestions, JV. He has the TV with the toilet only a few steps away and he is already very familiar with your suggested diet except for the sponge candy which must be a Canuck kind of thing. Do you have any extra slabs of back bacon laying around? Eating a bunch of that should pack on 20 pounds or so, huh?  Boner  

Having the ****ter "a few steps away" from the TV is a few steps too many..... in my opinion.  He should move the TV right into the bathroom, and take his meals right there on the crapper 

Your're absolutely right, Baja. One additional step is one step too many and they all add up after a while.   Boner

Stick a giant cork up his ass for the next 2 months. That oughta do it.

Is there a polite way you could recommend that I could suggest this approach to him Jfish?  Also, I'm not sure if the desired schlong effect would be achieved with this approach as the body may react differently to storing 2 months worth of crap in your system vs. creating the fat then losing it.  Boner

He can always lock himself up in a Ryan's for a couple of months... However, if he gains 100#, wouldn't he lose some more "package"?