Please help!!!

Hoping you men can help me.  My husband is 36 and weighs 290lbs.  He tries to loose weight but like all of us it always fails.  I love him so much and it scares me to keep seeing that number go up.  His father was a real big man around 400+ pounds and slowly he is making his way to that weight.  I try talking to him about it and all he says to me is that he knows and will loose the weight.  I am currently pregnant with our first baby and I really want him to be able to run around with our son without being out of breath.  He is a volunteer firefighter and EMT but I get scared when the calls come that he is going to have a heart attack one of these days. He is always tired, if he is not moving around he falls asleep.  He had severe sleep apnea and ended up having his tonsils removed, the sleep apnea and snoring went away but it is all back and I know it is his weight.  I just love him so much and I am so scared of loosing him due to his weight.  He will say he is watching his weight and then I will get in his truck and find Dunkin Donut bags for either bagels or donuts.  I had gastric bypass April 2007 and went through a great deal mentally afterwards where I ended up in the mental health ward 5 times and when I try talking to him about maybe having the surgery or lap band he turns me down, I think it scares him.  I lost 120 pounds going from 360 to 240 and then I got pregnant and I am currenlty 24 weeks pregnant and my weight is staying at 235 during this pregnancy. After I have the baby I will concentrate on loosing the rest.  Please help me, I don't know what to do. I love him and want to see him healthy and happy, really happy.

 As an EMT he at least knows something about human health so he knows what's going on. You can't make someone have WLS, all you can do is educate them. Good luck!

All things in their own time. As much as you love him you must know first hand that the choice to gain control of your life has to come from you NO ONE else can make it for you. I do agree that now would be the time to act. But, honestly he's got to have the power of when and how. Just love him and support him as you always have. When he is ready then he will act. Maybe the promise of a that little new life will be what he needs to push him forward. Surgery is not the only answer and i certainly is not the answer for every one maybe thats not the road he's comfortable with right now. But, again he has to decide.

WOW. It's as if you were talking about me and my wife. I'm 38 and just under 290 and just had my lap-band done on Monday the 15th. My wife (OH username cindita) had hers June of 07'. We were both on a volunteer fire dept. I resigned after being honest with myself and knowing that I would not be able to live with myself if because of my weight I could not rescue a victim or worse a fellow firefighter, or getting another firefighter killed trying to rescue me becuase I could'nt rescue myself. It is a matter of life or death and maybe not his own!!! He, as I was am taking the lives of his fellow firefighters in his hands everytime the tone goes out. I just could'nt fool myself anylonger thinking I was able to do the job. It crushed me at first, but  knowing I may be saving a friend by not putting them into that position made me ok with it. I'm using getting back on the dept as a motivational tool to help me reach my goals. My wife is a full-time paramedic in Ma. and says that her job is 100% easier and safer since losing her weight.
I'm sure (becuase I was there) that he is having these feelings. I dont know what is stopping him from at least looking into it. If he thinks it's embarassing as I did at first, how embarassing would being the cause of someone getting hurt or worse be. My Dept officers were very proud and impressed with me for finally being honest with myself and thinking of my fellow firefighters safety in making my decision to have surgery. If you have any other questions or there is anything Cindy or I can do to help save your husbands and possibly someone elses life, feel free to contact us directly.

We're living proof of the benefits of WLS for men and how all our lives have changed for the better. Tell him about us then you and he go through some of the positive threads here in the locker room. Maybe he'll become a lurker and it'll perk up his interest in WLS should he so decide. 

Ain't no better place for men to get the skinny (good and bad) of WLS than here in the locker room imo.

Best of luck.

Boner 

Thank you everyone for your help. I am going to sit down with him and have this discussion with him without pressure. It has to be his choice. I dont care how he does it I just want him to be healthy, not for me or our soon to be son but for him.  He was very thin when we met 14 years ago and gained the weight through out the years.  Thanks again.  Good luck you guys!

You have said exactly what I wanted to tell you.  This is a decision he has to make for himself.  I feel that men have a different experience with WLS than women, so if he is considering it have him come here and we will do our best to answer all his questions.

I am so happy for both of you about the little guy who will be here before you know it.  Enjoy every moment of his growing up, they grow up way too quickly.

Jim

Thats the way to think about it. He just might not be ready to give up on the old fashioned way yet. I TOTALLY understand.. It took me nearly 4 years of going back and fourth about weather or not to have this done and still now that I am DOING SO WELL on this supervised diet I honestly dont know what Im going to say when the time comes to make the decision to go forward I dont know if I will say YES or not. Stay tuned in November thats when I have to make the choice.