OT I was saving them
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 55?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108."
Tournament Weather
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local
tournament. As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of
the tournament approached him and pointed to the dark,
threatening storm clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust you'll see to it
that the weather won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales,
not management!"
Received from Pastor Tim.
Away From His Desk
A fellow, who frequently left the office to play golf, instructed his
secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.
After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which
course they were playing that day, and called for information. The
loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.
"Just tell me," the golfer persisted, "Is he five miles away from his
desk, twenty miles away from his desk, or thirty miles away from his desk?"
Dave irritated everyone in our office.
Whether it was the tone of his voice
or his condescending attitude, we all
steered clear. He must have suspected
he was annoying because he asked a
co-worker, "Why does everybody take
an instant dislike to me ?"
Larry responded, "It saves time."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida,
loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone
along on the boat. One morning we were drifting
about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed
business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent
double, and the reel screamed as line poured
off the spool.
Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me,"
he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on
another line."
****************************
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed
Wyoming and noted several historical points of
interest. The children were especially interested
because they enjoyed the computer game
"Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of
the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped
at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon
tracks still visible in the dirt.
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept
landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly,
"This is where my oxen always die."
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 55?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108."
Tournament Weather
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local
tournament. As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of
the tournament approached him and pointed to the dark,
threatening storm clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust you'll see to it
that the weather won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales,
not management!"
Received from Pastor Tim.
Away From His Desk
A fellow, who frequently left the office to play golf, instructed his
secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.
After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which
course they were playing that day, and called for information. The
loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.
"Just tell me," the golfer persisted, "Is he five miles away from his
desk, twenty miles away from his desk, or thirty miles away from his desk?"
Dave irritated everyone in our office.
Whether it was the tone of his voice
or his condescending attitude, we all
steered clear. He must have suspected
he was annoying because he asked a
co-worker, "Why does everybody take
an instant dislike to me ?"
Larry responded, "It saves time."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida,
loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone
along on the boat. One morning we were drifting
about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed
business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent
double, and the reel screamed as line poured
off the spool.
Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me,"
he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on
another line."
****************************
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed
Wyoming and noted several historical points of
interest. The children were especially interested
because they enjoyed the computer game
"Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of
the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped
at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon
tracks still visible in the dirt.
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept
landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly,
"This is where my oxen always die."
The Incredble Shrinking Man!
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