Inspirational or Demotivational

So I have a whole list of things that I think I want to do.  Things that I would never have been able to do when I weight 441 pounds.  Things I still can't do right now.
I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to what others have done and accomplished, that each person is an individual, blah, blah, blah, but I can't help it.

I see the accomplishments of those who come from a similar starting point as myself, same weight, same surgery timeline etc, I see people who have completed marathons, triathlons, ridden hundreds of miles on bike rides, have transformed their bodies into prime examples of what physical exercise can do for you.

This should be inspiring, it should bring hope that I can do the same thing, but it seems to have the opposite effect.  I see how hard it has been for me to even be able to run 3 miles, I know the sinking feeling of being out in the lake on a triathlon swim and thinking OMG the resuce guy in the kayak will never get here in time.  I have felt that crushing feeling of being the last one out of the water.  I have looked at the photo of the rescue guys paddling behind me as I drag my sorry ass out of the water, and I wonder if I am ever going to be able to make that progression.  It is pretty sad that they were actually following me.  I felt like it was the buzzards circling the crawling guy in the desert (just wait he won't make it).

So instead of seeing that others have done it, I end up comparing my lack of success with their success.  I don't see it as I can do it, they did it.  What I see is they did it why haven't I.  Why am I still struggling with this and everyone has left me behind. 

I have always focused on the negative aspects.  When I was doing martial arts, I could win 10 fights and lose 1 fight.  The only fight I would have any recollection of was the one that I had lost.  It would just dwell and eat away at me.  I don't know how to get beyond this type of negative thinking.  I don't know how to convince myself that these goals are attainable.  I always seem to expect the hammer to fall.

I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to allow myself the opportunity to succeed.  What can I do to get beyond looking at things from the negative side.  So far the only thing that seems to work is success.  When I manage to see some improvement I allow myself to think it is possible.  But when I'm not seeing progress, I go right back to thinking well, maybe you can't do it.

Scott

First of all, you can have 2 men with the same weight and surgery dates who have totally different initial situations with their health.  1 Are they the same age?  2 Did they have the same comorbidites? 3 How about their health prior to surgery--any prior heart or lung problems?  4 Do any of them suffer from depression or another mental health problem?--I often hear people referred to as examples who have overcome tremendous physical odds, but if they didn't have a positive attitude this wouldn't have been possible.  People suffering from most menatl problems have difficulty maintaining a positive attitude.  5 Do both men have the same condition with their joints?--Arthritis can make running difficult.

You should concentrate on what you can do.  Wow!! Can you really run 3 miles?  Can you go swimming?  I'd be happy to be able to walk around the block.  Give yourself credit for your accomplishments.  I'm sure that you will continue to see improvements.

Remember that not all thin people can do what some of the guys who were formerly morbidly obese now do.  Some guys have changed their addictions--from food to exercise.  I can't judge whether that is right or wrong and I can't tell which people are simply enjoying exercise for the first time in years vs which ones have become addicted to the feelings they get when they exercise.

Although I've mentioned the depression and manic-depression that runs in my family, my father didn't have either one.  But, his favorite thing is tinkering around--i.e., working.  He'd rather do repairs on his house or someone else's rather than go to the Shore, a movie, or just about anything else that most people find enjoyable.  But, that doesn't mean he's a better worker than anyone else.

So, hang in there.  Continue to enjoy whatever new activities you can do.  I'm sure you will find a whole new world of activities opening up to you.  Personally, I can hardly wait to get back in or on a recreational kayak.  I think I'd be better off with a sit-on-top with the size of mye legs.  Bob

Its not an easy answer.  I see several great measures of sucess here.  The sucesses in martial arts ,job related and participating in the triathelon.  This equals less than 1% of most people, putting you in a very very elite crowd.  You did'nt get this way living off of negative decesions or indesision.  Your are what some may call "A quiet specialist" Follow this one, seek his advise - in other words a LEADER and TEACHER
A man who I had little admiration, and honor for saved my life once and changed how I look at people
 Best of luck to ya

Wow...where to start?  Why do you exercise?  When you time yourself on your runs...who are you running against?  Hopefully you're going against your own past times...trying to improve.  More power to you on the running...I hate running now.  Enjoyed it in college...but now, too much work.  Most of my biking is going 1 1/2-2 miles on my bike for lunch...then back home...Just enought to get the heartrate up.  I've had 2 heart attacks so I walk and bike ride, but I do it for my health...life or death...not really to compete.  I try and get 45 min. to 1 hour of walking or biking in a day.  Don't get me wrong, I still love to compete in sports...get me on the racquetball court and I'll whip your ass...But I'll shake you hand afterwards and say "good game".
I'm thinking of the guy here on the Men's Board about a year ago who walked around the 1/4 mile lake.  Or another guy being able to walk up the stairs in his home.  These were big time victories.  Getting healthy is the main goal...Being able to compete is the whipped cream and cherry on top.  Brian

I never had any comorbidities.  I was just fat.  No HTN, no Diabetes, no arthritis or degerating disc injuries, none of that.  I was treated for colon cancer 5 years ago, my father had it too.  The doc said it probably ran in our family.  It was removed and has been rechecked a couple times with no sign of recurrence.

For me losing the weight was to keep those things from happening in the future, and honestly a portion of vanity.

I had always been competative when I did sports, but I was never able to make it over that hump and be really good.  I have always been Mr. competative, competition gets my juices going and give me something to focus on.  Everyone always told me that it was my weight that was holding me back.  I fought that for so long.  I refused to accept it.  I said I can prove that I can be good no matter what my weight is.
Well I have finally done something about the extra weight.  It is gone.  I have a normal BMI and still no medical problems that I am aware of.  However I am not seeing that my exercise/sports activities have improved all that much.  Hell I lost more than half of my body weight, and I don't see the kind of changes I expect.

It's not just about competing for the joy of it, never has been.  The activity should be enjoyable, but competition just makes it all that much more enjoyable for me.  I'm not one of these guys who agrees with the no keeping score in kids sports.  The games were built with scoring and winning and losing can be used to teach.

Competing against myself that only gets me so far.  Eventually I will need to test my abilities against my peers.  However I think it's easier to take a loss to your peers than it is to lose to yourself.  If I had a 3 mile race and my goal was to run all 3 miles and win the race, I can tell you I'd be more pissed off about not running for the whole 3 miles than I would about losing the race to someone else.  So what if someone else beats you, they were better, and I can accept that.  But to lose to yourself that's not acceptable.  It's the difference between being beaten or bettered and losing.  I can accept and appreciate someone putting in extra effort or training and having better results than me.  I can congratulate them and honestly mean it.  But when I lose through my own failings, that's when it's hard to stomach.

What I am wondering is why can't I seem to self motivate right now and push myself to improve or excel.  It seems like I want it bad enough, it consumes my thoughts, I know it is in my head and messing with me, but I can't seem to focus that energy and get something good to happen with it.  It's like I have no work ethic right now.

Oh well, thats probably enough rambling from a crazy man for today. ;-)

Scott

my personal answer to your described situation is faith.  I have worked hard making my journey about more than just me, but things bigger than me and more important than me.  Focusing on I can be self destructive.  That is why so many people struggle emotional and in their personal lives following weight loss.  Truly they become the people they used to despise.  My advice is find something bigger than self to motivate you.

Scott, at least you see you have a problem...That's a start.  I'm thinking of Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants...Yeh, he made it to major leagues and yeh, he won the Cy Young...but he was on a crummy team!!  I think the root may be psychological.  May want to seek counseling.  I think a lot of this has to do with being thankful.  I've got this image of you on Thanksgiving screaming at God for causing you to come in last place in a Marathon.  Why God...Why??  Another thing you might want to do...Go back to 5 and 10K fun runs.  That might put it in a lot more perspective.  Brian  PS  It's God given abilities.  He's God and you're not.