You don't need that surgery!
Ok, have you guys encountered this and what did you do about it? My wife and I are both having the RNY in April. We are very excited about it. We are well educated on the pre and post-op details. We know what to expect. In fact, I've spent about eight years making the decision to have the surgery. As you can tell by my photo I work in the health care field. I've been in the surgery suites for all three types of these surgeries. I've worked on many, many, many WLS patients. I've seen it go well for them and I've seen it go badly for a few of them. The point I'm trying to make is that I/we are well informed on what we are about to do.
As we've told our family, friends, and co-workers about our decision to have the surgery many of them have told us that we do not need that surgery. We're told that we are not that big. They question our decision to have the RNY vs. Lap Band. They constantly bring up the "I know so and so who knows so and so and they didn't do well with it. They put all of the weight back on and then some." Basically they've said that we are crazy for wanting the surgery. Why don't we just do Weigh****chers again?
When they say that we are not that big we say thank you but yes we are. My BMI is 51 and my wife's is 41. We are both more than 100 lbs. overweight. We both are glucose impaired or "pre-diabetic". We both have high blood pressure. We've told them that we've checked with several doctors and they've all said we are excellent candidates for WLS.
I chalk it all up to one or more of these several things: 1. People may be genuinely concerned about us. 2. They may not be well informed about WLS. 3. They may be jealous or resentful. 4. They may fear the unknown.
It's even been said that the only reason my wife is having the surgery is because I'm pushing her to do it. That couldn't be more further from the truth. I knew that I was going to have the surgery whether she had the surgery or not. I did tell her that due to her BMI and health issues she may want to consider WLS but I told her that I would support and love her no matter what she decided to do. One family "friend" has even said that once my wife has the surgery I'll back out!!!! That enrages me! Just like Bruce Springsteen sings; "no retreat baby no surrender." I might add that two of the biggest ney-sayers are literally the "BIGGEST" ney-sayers. The "friend" is well above morbidly obese. We think that the whole WLS topic may hit a little too close to home for her and some of the others.
We've both told the smaller ney-sayers that they've never know the humiliation of being big. They've never had to ask for an extension for an airplane seat. They've never not fit into an amusement park ride. They've never had to ask for a table instead of a booth when at a restaurant. They've never had to shop at a plus size clothing store. The list goes on and on.....
How do you guys deal with the ney-sayers? What did you do or say when they gave you their two cents worth? What worked best for you? Did you encounter this type of behavior too?
As we've told our family, friends, and co-workers about our decision to have the surgery many of them have told us that we do not need that surgery. We're told that we are not that big. They question our decision to have the RNY vs. Lap Band. They constantly bring up the "I know so and so who knows so and so and they didn't do well with it. They put all of the weight back on and then some." Basically they've said that we are crazy for wanting the surgery. Why don't we just do Weigh****chers again?
When they say that we are not that big we say thank you but yes we are. My BMI is 51 and my wife's is 41. We are both more than 100 lbs. overweight. We both are glucose impaired or "pre-diabetic". We both have high blood pressure. We've told them that we've checked with several doctors and they've all said we are excellent candidates for WLS.
I chalk it all up to one or more of these several things: 1. People may be genuinely concerned about us. 2. They may not be well informed about WLS. 3. They may be jealous or resentful. 4. They may fear the unknown.
It's even been said that the only reason my wife is having the surgery is because I'm pushing her to do it. That couldn't be more further from the truth. I knew that I was going to have the surgery whether she had the surgery or not. I did tell her that due to her BMI and health issues she may want to consider WLS but I told her that I would support and love her no matter what she decided to do. One family "friend" has even said that once my wife has the surgery I'll back out!!!! That enrages me! Just like Bruce Springsteen sings; "no retreat baby no surrender." I might add that two of the biggest ney-sayers are literally the "BIGGEST" ney-sayers. The "friend" is well above morbidly obese. We think that the whole WLS topic may hit a little too close to home for her and some of the others.
We've both told the smaller ney-sayers that they've never know the humiliation of being big. They've never had to ask for an extension for an airplane seat. They've never not fit into an amusement park ride. They've never had to ask for a table instead of a booth when at a restaurant. They've never had to shop at a plus size clothing store. The list goes on and on.....
How do you guys deal with the ney-sayers? What did you do or say when they gave you their two cents worth? What worked best for you? Did you encounter this type of behavior too?
Just weather the storm as best you can. Time will tell.
I'm ashamed to admit this now, but my sister told me about her RNY after she had the operation. I'll never understand why she kept it a secret.
When I found out about it I was was more then happy to tell her how she had finally screwed up the rest of her life. How she was just being lazy, and selfish, and most of all completely stupid. I'm her little brother and that's my job.
So anyway fast forward 6 months and there she was introducing me to her surgeon, and going to the pre-op classes with me, and helping me run the insurance gauntlet. God love her she never even thought about rubbing it in my face.
Besides eating all that crow really got me a good jump start on my 6 month pre-op diet.
I'm ashamed to admit this now, but my sister told me about her RNY after she had the operation. I'll never understand why she kept it a secret.
When I found out about it I was was more then happy to tell her how she had finally screwed up the rest of her life. How she was just being lazy, and selfish, and most of all completely stupid. I'm her little brother and that's my job.
So anyway fast forward 6 months and there she was introducing me to her surgeon, and going to the pre-op classes with me, and helping me run the insurance gauntlet. God love her she never even thought about rubbing it in my face.
Besides eating all that crow really got me a good jump start on my 6 month pre-op diet.
First congrats on your upcoming surgery. It sounds like both you and your wife have done the research and are going into this with your eyes wide open.
I dealt with this by not telling anyone except my fiance and mother and a couple of close friends. I have asked them to keep it quiet and told everyone else I went in for gallbladder surgery, which wasn't a lie, it came out at the same time.
My take was opinions are like ******** everyone has one, and I didn't feel like listening to everyones opinion.
Best of luck to both of you!
I dealt with this by not telling anyone except my fiance and mother and a couple of close friends. I have asked them to keep it quiet and told everyone else I went in for gallbladder surgery, which wasn't a lie, it came out at the same time.
My take was opinions are like ******** everyone has one, and I didn't feel like listening to everyones opinion.
Best of luck to both of you!
304/256/184/175
highest/surgery day/current/ goal
highest/surgery day/current/ goal
I started having issues about it when I told a few people. so I have done as Mark but I tell them I am having a sex change lol. I am a bouncer everyone knows me everywhere I go, LOL and the rumors have started. I worked a show last night and someone hung a dress at the front door for me. I didnt like the print, not into flowers.
I don't like hearing their views anyway. I have lost a few friends over it. A few of the fluffy chicks I know have refused to talk to me.
Last night someone was telling me about this new diet to try. Akci berry or somthing. You are not that big they say, you're tall and you carry the weight well. Thats the point I am tired of carring the weight. I am tired of the up and down weight loss. maybe you need a personal trainer they say.
You and your wife will do well. That is the best support team. Who cares what everyone else will think. When they can walk in your shoes then you will listen to what they have to say.
I don't like hearing their views anyway. I have lost a few friends over it. A few of the fluffy chicks I know have refused to talk to me.
Last night someone was telling me about this new diet to try. Akci berry or somthing. You are not that big they say, you're tall and you carry the weight well. Thats the point I am tired of carring the weight. I am tired of the up and down weight loss. maybe you need a personal trainer they say.
You and your wife will do well. That is the best support team. Who cares what everyone else will think. When they can walk in your shoes then you will listen to what they have to say.
Your story is very familar to me. I was lucky in that all my close friends and family were supportive (some did say they were concerned about my surgery and the potential problems associated with any major surgery). I did have one woman at work, who would wail "I don't want you to have surgery!", whenever she saw me (she is just an accquaintance at work,m not someone I would consider a friend), so I choose to ignore her.
Everyone has an idea as to what they consider the "best" surgery. In reality, you will find people on OH who have increddible success with every form of WLS. I personally do not think I would have been successful with a band, that is why I decided to have an RNY, and I am glad I made the choice I did. Making the right choice based on your personal situation is the important factor for success.
My vvife went to the information session with me when I decided to have surgery and grabbed a sign up packet for herself. She had her RNY about 3 weeks after I had mine. It has been great having someone at home who understands what you are going through, both eat the same foods and is there to support you through this whole process.
Good Luck,
Jim
Everyone has an idea as to what they consider the "best" surgery. In reality, you will find people on OH who have increddible success with every form of WLS. I personally do not think I would have been successful with a band, that is why I decided to have an RNY, and I am glad I made the choice I did. Making the right choice based on your personal situation is the important factor for success.
My vvife went to the information session with me when I decided to have surgery and grabbed a sign up packet for herself. She had her RNY about 3 weeks after I had mine. It has been great having someone at home who understands what you are going through, both eat the same foods and is there to support you through this whole process.
Good Luck,
Jim
You have to do this for yourself and not for other people. I myself encountered naysayers, I simply told them I appreciated their concern but this was a personal decision that had to be made for my health and safety. After a while they will all "accept it" and move on. Now 6 weeks later the same naysayers tell me "You look sick"., your losing weight oo fast, etc. LOL.
The bottom line is do it for you and your health and a better quality of life. You kinda have to just treat them like the nagging in-laws; let them say their peace and them ignore them!
I have lost 50 lbs since 2/12/09 and I already feel 100% better. The naysayers and other "non-supportive" people will eventually accept it and move on and you will have those who will be jealous of the weight loss too.
BTW, it is a great idea that you and the wife are doing this together. My partner and I did it together and I think it makes the journey easier because you both understand what each other is going through plus you save a lot of money on food. LOL
Wish you the best. Let us know how it goes!
The bottom line is do it for you and your health and a better quality of life. You kinda have to just treat them like the nagging in-laws; let them say their peace and them ignore them!
I have lost 50 lbs since 2/12/09 and I already feel 100% better. The naysayers and other "non-supportive" people will eventually accept it and move on and you will have those who will be jealous of the weight loss too.
BTW, it is a great idea that you and the wife are doing this together. My partner and I did it together and I think it makes the journey easier because you both understand what each other is going through plus you save a lot of money on food. LOL
Wish you the best. Let us know how it goes!
Duane,
Through your line of work you have a more intimate understanding of what goes on during the surgery than what most of us will ever be able to understand. You and your wife are both over 21 and understand the risk of what you are about to do. The nay-seyers usually speak more out of ignorance than concern. If they can't accept what y'all are about to do tell them to have a Coke and a smile and shut the f**k up!
Through your line of work you have a more intimate understanding of what goes on during the surgery than what most of us will ever be able to understand. You and your wife are both over 21 and understand the risk of what you are about to do. The nay-seyers usually speak more out of ignorance than concern. If they can't accept what y'all are about to do tell them to have a Coke and a smile and shut the f**k up!
Never, and I mean NEVER, trust a fart!! 
I'm one year out, 160-plus pounds down . . . and I had the same negative reactions from friends and family. Now, without exception, all the naysayers have come over to my side, thrilled with my improved health.
I have resisted saying, "I told you so."
Ignorance. Concern for a loved one. Fear, for those who are obese and haven't or won't make the decision to recognize decades of dieting, etc., haven't worked.
Stay strong.
I have resisted saying, "I told you so."
Ignorance. Concern for a loved one. Fear, for those who are obese and haven't or won't make the decision to recognize decades of dieting, etc., haven't worked.
Stay strong.
Duane,
First, congratulations on your decision I know it's a tough one.
My wife and I both had our surgery on 11/26/2008. Though I was concerned, I believe it was the best thing we could have ever done. We didn't do it for any elses benefit but our own. We only told a few people close to us before the surgery and then the word spread. Though most people were supportive we did have a good amount that doubted our actions, especially the fact that we decided to have surgery on the same day ( we have 5 kids).
To those people that doubt your decision I'm with Don, f**k em'! You're not doing it for them.
Since the surgery my supplements are pretty much my daily intake of pills. I'm off insulin and in fact my last blood test came back with everything normal INCLUDING my A1C (5.9) and that was two months after my surgery!
Those doubters have reaped the benefits of my surgery also, our clothes that don't fit us anymore I have passed on to them (down from size 50 to 40 pants, actually I need a pair of size 38 already)
!
So hang in there and good luck!
Pat
First, congratulations on your decision I know it's a tough one.
My wife and I both had our surgery on 11/26/2008. Though I was concerned, I believe it was the best thing we could have ever done. We didn't do it for any elses benefit but our own. We only told a few people close to us before the surgery and then the word spread. Though most people were supportive we did have a good amount that doubted our actions, especially the fact that we decided to have surgery on the same day ( we have 5 kids).
To those people that doubt your decision I'm with Don, f**k em'! You're not doing it for them.
Since the surgery my supplements are pretty much my daily intake of pills. I'm off insulin and in fact my last blood test came back with everything normal INCLUDING my A1C (5.9) and that was two months after my surgery!
Those doubters have reaped the benefits of my surgery also, our clothes that don't fit us anymore I have passed on to them (down from size 50 to 40 pants, actually I need a pair of size 38 already)
!So hang in there and good luck!
Pat
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