Family issues rant

I’ll preface this by saying that my family does not know I’ve had WLS, they just think I’m dieting (obviously not really close).

My mom can see that I have been working hard to be healthy.  So why does she bring over a 9x13 pan of cinnamon rolls last night?  Coming from the mom who once said to me, “I liked you better when you were skinny.”  Then why feed me cinnamon rolls???  I don’t want them in the house.  I don’t need them and my family does not need them.  I’m angry.  Moreover, she knows that we have a ton of cake left over from my daughter’s confirmation party.  This doesn’t tempt me at all because I’m so mad.  Maybe it’s a generational thing, but man, when is she going to stop?  My mother’s love has never been unconditional, but it’s all I’ve ever wanted from her.

I will not do this to my daughter.

I’m so tired of bottling this anger and disappointment up inside.  I don’t want to hurt her by telling her how I feel and it wouldn’t do any good anyway.

Then, my sister who hasn’t seen me since Christmas sends me an email after the party first telling me how fabulous I look then asking if I’m sick “you know how people lose weight when they’re sick…you’re not sick are you??”  It didn’t come across in a caring kind of way, more of a gossipy question.

Family sure knows how to hurt you.

Thanks for listening to my rant. 

Sandy, Why is it that it's always family that hurts us the worst? I feel for you my friend...... Hang in there. I think if I were you, I would kindly ask my Mother not to bring over food or treats. And if she does just throw it away in the garbage. That is what I had to do...........Explain to your Mom that you are really trying to make a lifestyle change, and that you just don't want that type of food in the house. As for your Sister, just let it go, she's probbly jealous that your loosing weight.  You are doing awesome, Don't let anyone get you down. My family is like a soap opera.............. If you need to talk I'll PM you my phone #. Call me anytime.......I know what it's like to deal with Family........... ((HUGS))  Kelly

Thanks Kelly, Good suggestion to explain to my mom about not having that food in the house, I'm just so afraid of confrontation that I usually just keep my mouth shut.  It seems like it's always turned back around at me and my fault for hurting her feelings. Probably unhealthy but I think my feelings will be stuffed til the end of time so as not to hurt someone else.  I know, I have issues here.

Awwww, Hon!  I feel your pain!  It is family that *can* hurt us the most.  As my good friend Linda Anne told me as I was getting these comments last summer/fall from my closest friends and family, she said: "Does any stranger come up to you and say WOW!!  you look sick!"  Nope, never heard that from a stranger, in fact people who never knew me "plump" are floored when I tell them I had WLS!  They just get use to seeing you "plump" and so when you get to a healthy good weight in their head "you're sick".   Also, if they only know that you are "dieting" sounds to me as if they are trying to sabotage you "diet".  My side of the family knew I had WLS and so they were protective that "ooo, can you eat that?".....I'm not judging, just thinking outloud, which does get me in trouble a time or two Hang in there dear, I know it stinks to hear!  You are doing great and getting healthy!! HUGS

Thanks Sandie, I was just in the shower thinking; you wouldn't offer an alcoholic a bottle of vodka or a drug addict a bag of pot. I don't think I would get good support from them if I told them about my WLS.  They tend to like to gossip and I hate being someone elses juicy news. Thanks for the support!!

(((Sandy))) What a bummer! You are the sweetest person and you are doing so awesome at making the right decisions in your life that this no doubt has struck a chord deep within you, as it should. Just remember that they don't know what they don't know, so they're feeling their way around in the dark trying to figure out how you're losing weight and why, etc. Unfortunately for them (your mom & sister), they're going about it wrong. They just don't know that. Try to let it go and if you can't, then you definitely need to sit down with them and have a heart to heart. Love & Hugs, Amy

Thank you Amy, You're right.  I guess they don't know what I need because I don't tell them. I just really hate confrontation, actually it's a family thing - to avoid it. I think I'll let it go.

Sandy, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I am sorry you are not getting the type of support you need. Keep coming here, were people understand what you are going thru.  As for the cinnemon rolls, does she need to know that you thru them away? Thats what I would have done. Well, maybe not, our neighbor just brought over a dish of brownies and I actually did have one, to my amazement, they did not taste very good....So I just looked at it as one of those things that was testing me. I think I past, even though I did try one of the brownies. Life is going to continue to test us every day, we just get to decide how we are gonna handle it.... Do you think your mom would be any more sensitive to your needs if she knew you had WLS? You may not want her to treat you any different but she may understand that you son't needthat kind of stuff around anymore... I will say a prayer that you get thru these trials, you are doing a great job by the way... CarolN

Thank you Carol, It's nice to come here and get it out.  I feel like I'm complaining if I say it out loud to someone.  I struggle with having negative people around when I try to be so positive.  I love this board because of the loving, positive, caring, supportive atmosphere. I found throughout the years that my mom is not sensitive to my needs.  I think she's coming from a loving place but just not really thinking it through.  Food = Love.  If we're eating we're not sharing our feeling in words - cause we wouldn't want to go there. Thanks for the support!!

Sandy   I am real good at upsetting people so hopefully this won't upset you too  much. ( I am not trying to upset you.)   You said:"I was just in the shower thinking; you wouldn't offer an alcoholic a bottle of vodka or a drug addict a bag of pot. "   Giving an alcoholic booze is sure not kind, but shouldn't that alcoholic TELL their loved ones that they are trying to get off the booze and are going to AA..or whatever?  The thing is you are upset at your mom for bringing food and upset your sister noticed your weight loss but didn't express her concerns to your liking.   If you don't tell your family about your surgery is it fair to be upset because they can't figure out what is going on? Your mom is concerned that your weight loss could be something other than diet and she wants to help you maintain your weight.  Your family has noticed something is different and you don't want to tell them and yet  you are upset because they are not reacting the way you want them to react to  your changing appearance.   It is wonderful you have done so much to make you a healthier person.  Please don't be angry with your family because they don't understand what is going on with you.  Try talking to some 3rd person for a different point of view.  These people will always be your family.  Give them a chance to rejoice with your success rather than be hurt because they don't know what is going on.