How bad did I screw up?

I know I screwed up already but don't know how it's going to affect me yet.  I have been having this brain struggle that it's okay to eat solids already even though I'm not supposed to start until the 25th.  When I see some foods it's like my brain says "it's okay to have a small portion and chew it well" and then other times it says....you're not supposed to be eating that yet.  I listened to the wrong voice and had pizza of all things tonight.  2 squares of it and forced myself to stop at that as I could feel the fullness.  What did I do?  Have I screwed it all up, had the surgery for nothing, am I just a freak who can't tell her head no?  I'm scared, I am going on vacation next week and I know it will be difficult to find foods that will fit into the pureed/soft foods category but I want to make this work.  Fortunately we are renting a cabin so we can make most meals there but not all.  I'm so ashamed of myself and the guilt is killing me.  HELP. Robyn

I dont know what to say... you did screw up......... you could hurt your healing pouch that isnt healed all the way yet and land yourself in the hospital.  I care too much about your future to tell you " Its ok we all make mistakes."  No... you one hundred percent should NOT be doing that and its not a good start. ON the other hand......... you can do this and come back from this... this is a fight against food... and your head.  Dont let it win... dont waste this surgery.... your bigger than this.  You can do it. Good luck Linda

Hi Robyn, Take a breath.  Yeah, pizza wasn't a good choice at this point.  Have you screwed up your surgery?  No.  Are you a freak?  Well, you're probably just as freaky as the rest of us - you're just a new freak who has to get on the straight and narrow since you are just out of the chute so to speak.  When the urge strikes to eat something you shouldn't at this point - think of this.  Your new pouch is like a baby tummy.  Would you feed a newborn pizza?  Of course not.  Keep that in mind when your head starts to take over and tempts you down the wrong road.  Baby tummy.  You need to follow your doctor's orders and ease that pouch back to the real world to allow for healing. So - no more guilt.  Guilt is wasted energy as far as I'm concerned.  Get back on plan and remember that this soft food stage is not forever.  It's the baby stage now.  Soon you will be a toddler! The rewards down the road will be so worth it!

Thanks, I know I shouldn't have and am absolutely making a concious effort to stay away from things like that again.  I didn't have the surgery to lose weight, I had it to be healthly and eating solids at this point is not healthy and I need to remember that.   Robyn

You are probably still struggling with this thought:  "I will never get to eat like a normal person again."  Trust me, you will eat better than a normal person pretty soon.  Right now, it seems like torture, but you have to do this.  You can do this!  It really does pass quickly.  Make it easier for yourself by keeping those allowed items handy.  Try not to look at your movement through the stages as steps on a torture ladder.  I know it's hard, but the alternatives suck more. 

Well -- as I sit here in such pain from not chewing enough on a cup of chili I had earlier, I am just kicking my self for not following the rule of chew, chew, chew ~~ and then chew it some more!!!  There does seem to be a lot of things "we have to do" or it seems "we can't do".  But there are reasons and we sometimes have to remind ourselves, or have others remind us, about the reasons.   Baby to toddler is a good explanation -- perfectly explains it.  When a child is learning, we have to keep saying no, no, no.  They don't listen, so we say no, no, no and take them away from what we don't want them to do by having them do something else.  So when your new baby pouch isn't listening to what you want it to do, have it do something else.  Head hunger for me is usually cured by taking a walk and drinking a full bottle of water before I go back to where the head hunger started.  If after I drink that full bottle of water, I'm still hungry -- well, now I have to wait 30 minutes before I can eat, and by then if it isn't gone, I must be hungry so I eat my next meal.  Having times of the day to eat doesn't make sense sometimes -- I eat when I am truly hungry.   Forgive yourself for today, but don't forget it.  Start tomorrow fresh and march toward your true goal of making  healthy choices and making this surgery successful.  You have to make this life style change so start marching forward to it and don't let the stupid food pull you backward!!!  No piece of pizza or cake or candy is worth it after you have eaten it and the way you feel totally proves that.... Before you go on vacation, make a list of things you can eat when you are on your vacation to be pureed or softer foods.  If you aren't going to make it, then sit down and think about things at restaurants you can probably have, make a list and look for those items when you do go out to eat.  You have to start making choices now and not once you are on vacation.  Good luck and have a great vacation.....