Random Thoughts after seeing my therapist - rather long

This is the 4th time I've now seen my therapist, and I've learned a lot about myself that I never knew, even with going through 10+ years of therapy pre-WLS.  Food is my addiction. If I drank alcohol (i never do), I would be an alcoholic. She said that plain and simple. It is my personality to be addicted to something. I must think of myself as an alcoholic that can not eat desserts/sweets from now on. I need to know that any sweets will set me off and have me fall off the wagon. It's easy to be good for a week or 2, but every time I fall off the wagon, and have to start over, it gets harder. I feel worse and guiltier, and have more of my all or nothing thinking and it's just not productive to me at all. I must get up every day and tell myself I will not eat sugar and then get through the day. The next day I will start over again and tell myself I will not eat sugar for that day. Thinking/planning too far ahead gets too overwhelming and I start to think that I will always be a failure. I must take it one day at a time.  She says I have very strange food quirks. I suppose I do, but I didn't realize that they were harmful to myself. I thought of them as "normal" - most other people must feel the same way I do and react the same way I do. I can rationalize everything and anything to myself to not feel guity and ashamed. I have to get out of that practice and be mindful of what I'm eating and WHY.  I'm full of shame. She recommended a book called "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by James Bradshaw and I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. It's very good and I recommend it highly.  I went to a PNC group while I was up in Minneapolis. There was just a couple of us there, and I was the farthest out, by over a year. I shared my food addiction/complusive binging feelings with them. I think I frightened the poor girl that was having WLS surgery the following week. She said she didn't know people still have food issues after surgery. She thought that most of the "issues" would go away. When we say WLS is a tool only and doesn't fix the brain, I don't really think most people understand how that can be. I don't think a lot of post-WLSers realize it either. Carole, the meeting leader, said that she was pushing PNC to either require, or suggest therapy to EVERYONE post-WLS. She said that once you have your surgery, you're pretty much on your own, other than getting your labs done. Hardly any programs recommend that you have therapy. I really and truely thought that I would never binge eat again, because I was told constantly that I wouldn't ever be as hungry as I was pre-WLS. That was wrong. Very wrong. And not a good thing. I think everyone can benefit from therapy post-WLS, it's just a shame I waited almost 3 years to get some.  I hope some of you can get something from my post. I apologize for the rambling, but it was just on my mind and I hope it can benefit one person.

Thank you so much for sharing this Farrah.  I think this is good information for pre-ops and post ops, that this surgery really is only a tool and most of us will always struggle with food issues.  We can never ever get too comortable and think we've got it made in the shade.  I think that mindset can come back to bite us.  I agree that therapy should be a post op requirement or recommendation.  For many, it can be a big key to making the WLS as successful as a journey as possible. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share this.  I think it's good to know that post WLS is not always a walk in the park and all roses.  There are challenges that can and most likely will arise. (((Hugs))) Michelle

Great information, Farrah, and thanks so much for sharing this part of your journey here. It is very helpful. I wish you continued success each day!

Farrah~Thank you for sharing this with us, I think a lot of us can probably get something out of it! I am also glad to hear that you are learning a lot about yourself and your personality to help you with life.  I know that I too have an addictive personality and so I do not drink very often and I still struggle with food issues, but am working to get more controlled and have started posting it all on Sparkpeople.com again to hold myself accountable.  I have thought about therapy again, but I was kind of burnt out by 4 years of intensive therapy (my therapist kind of smoothered me).  I hope your journey in therapy continues to be an enlightening one!  Keep up the mindfulness!  ~Nicole

Well said, Farrah!! Not much to add to it.............I sure do agree about the addiction part...........I see it in myself and other family members. "Mindful" is the key word...........in every part of life. Sorry I missed you at the PNC group.......enjoy your weekend! Pat

Farrah - This is excellent information.  I am actually a licensed addictions counselor (for now, will be making a career change soon) so I haven't struggled at all to make the connection between my eating behaviors and the addictive behaviors that I see in the people that I work with.  One thing to remember about recovery, and it probably is THE most important thing, is to remember that addiction is a chronic (life-long), RELAPSING disease.  It is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to successfully abstain from their substance of choice for the rest of their lives.  People need to plan to avoid potential relapsing situations but also to come up with a plan for how to recover from them when they do happen.  I have *so* many clients that say to me, "If I relapse you'll never see me again.  If I can't make it work this time, then I'm just not cut out for this."  It sounds so ridiculous to an outsider, but think how many diets or even other times that we've worked hard to eat healthy and when it didn't work we just gave up instead of trying to get back on track. I agree with you that therapy should be recommended/required for everyone.  I'm a strong advocate of therapy since I struggled with depression for many years as an adolescent, used it on and off to help keep me focused on my life goals in my 20s, and now am using it heavily to FINALLY deal with the emotional aspects of compulsive eating and the corresponding grief that is going with losing one of my primary comforts, my most significant pasttimes, and the grief that I didn't do this A LOT sooner. Anyway, great recommendations.  The book is a great one.  I also recommend to my clients a book called Facing Shame by Fossum and Mason.  It is geared more toward the professional, but it is excellent and most professionals end up using it to do their own internal work more than as a text.

Farrah, I always enjoy your posts - you always say something valuable for me.  It sounds as if your therapy has been very beneficial.  I did some therapy before and after surgery, and it did help somewhat.  I, too, have found that I have addictions.  I was always addicted to food, but didn't realize it until recently.  I was never much of a drinker, but after surgery I started drinking more and more.  I reached out to a friend who was in recovery, wondering if I was becoming an alcoholic.  We talked things over and she suggested I try AA or OA.  I decided that since my drinking started after surgery (at age 41 no less!!) I should try OA.  I found an OA group I like, and I've stopped drinking (43 days today).  I've started working the 12 steps and it has changed my life.  I no longer eat compulsively (19 days today) or obsess about food like I did.  I know that I have an addictive personality and that I am not "normal" when it comes to food and other vices.  I think it's SO important to talk about this stuff because the surgery only fixes our bodies, not our minds.  If even one person can get some help and perspective before starting to have problems after surgery, that would be fantastic.  Thanks for the informative post!