I just can't believe it yet

Nicole,

As another DBT person, I have a suggesstion for you if you don't mind. Do you still have your forms that were used with the books and the book?  Do you have good memories of DBT that this could be effective and you could use it?

Do you feel confident to make up your own spreadsheet picking out the pieces of the behavior modification that apply specifically to you. Using that spreadsheet to rate how you are doing like when in class?? IF no, I would be happy to help you. This makes me think maybe I should do one for me too.

Anyhow, let me know if you think this idea could help. You are a lovely young lady that has accomplished so much!! 

Karen

Karen~I do have some of the forms around, but we never actually used the book or workbooks, my therapist just created packets for us.  I would have to really look at the diary card again because so much in my life has changed since I was in DBT that what I used to track doesn't really apply any more.  Thank you for the idea, I am going to try and look through my DBT stuff this weekend and try to get my "wise mind" back!  Nicole

Honey, I have heard them from my family.... and I still have a hard time accepting it. On my second job, I have had many compliments... been told I am beautiful inside and out.... I have a hard time accepting this... Gorden tells me he can't take his eyes off me when I am on the web cam with him..... again he says I am very beautiful... inside and out.... I still don't know how to take that.....

I have often said, and will say again... the surgrey and the weight loss are the easy part.....changing the mindset is another thing... I believe this is the hardest one to cope with, and change... unfortunately the surgrey was on our bodies... not our heads as well.

I am almost 18 months out now, and still am struggling with it..... You are by far... not alone.

Nicole, I meant to reply to you last night, but it was already pretty late when I read your post.

I've been like Kelly a lot, in that when people compliment me, I find myself grasping at anything I can to change the subject!  But I also know, or realized, that doing so may come across as a little rude - that it's probably more gracious to just stand a little straighter, take a deep breath, and say "Thank you!"  It's really hard at first, but it does get easier!  And once you start to do it, you start to accept that - I DO look better, and I AM grateful to that person for saying so!  Giving compliments isn't always an easy thing to do, especially when it's with regards to something as delicate as a person's weight and body image. 

With regards to your family, I think things tend to go one of two ways.  Either your relatives are inclined to comment, or they're not.  At first, it was really hard to take compliments from, say, my SIL, and frustrating that my brother never made any comments regarding my loss at all.  Now, however, I get TIRED of the constant "gushing" of certain people - those who feel they have to address my weight loss EVERY TIME THEY SEE ME!  It's a big deal, a big part of my life, yes.  BUT IT ISN'T THE ONLY THING I'M ABOUT!!!  My brother?  Who still hasn't made any comments directly to me?  I'm MUCH more comfortable around him.  He KNOWS I've lost weight, but it doesn't dominate our time together, and I appreciate that!  Because I've read enough posts from people who are 4-5 or more years out who say - it all stops eventually, because people have accepted the "new" you as just "you".  And that can be a little frustrating as well - to no longer hear the kudos, because we will still be struggling with our weight for the rest of our lives, even when the outside world sees us as normal. 

I guess I'm not even sure WHAT my point here is - except that as long as YOU can learn to be happy for you and your progress, what other people say really shouldn't matter that much.

As for the guys who see your dating profile? They didn't KNOW you before.  If they're contacting you, they like what they see NOW!  You don't have to be perfect.  My guess is that the men who use those sites are generally aware that the Heather Locklears of the world won't be found there, and they're OKAY with that.  They're looking for something more substantial.

{{hugs}}

Thank you for your response!  I think you are right about the different types of family members and that my family is probably trying to not make it all about the weight all the time.  I did notice last night after I posted that my arms and legs are skinnier than what they looked like in the picture and measured only to find that I can wrap my middle finger to thumb around my wrist and they touch!  That was amazing.  I think perhaps I was looking at some bad pictures....who knows.  Any ways hopefully I will be able to keep my chin up and learn to love who I am now.

Nicole, I got an idea...come to MG coffee in the morning. I'm bringing my camera! You & I will go chum around MG after and I'll make you try on some pretty things and I'll take some pics for you. Then we can go try on clearance shoes @ DSW and try to walk in the high heel ones and laugh our butts off, or we can strap some feather boas around our necks at Claires. Whatever your heart desires. What do you say?

And psssst...give me your family's phone numbers so I can call them and give them hints on how to compliment the fine woman you are becoming!!!

Amy~Thank you so much, your post made me smile!  I think I am going to trek up to MG tomorrow morning and I am not sure wbout all that shopping, I am not feeling that great, but perhaps what I need is some time out with a good friend!  I will make sure to bring my camera and opefully we can have some fun!  See you tomorrow!

Nicole

((((Nicole))))

Post your picture.  Its easier to be "rejected" without even knowing it than be rejected after someone meets you.  I did eHarmony at my high weight and posted my picture. I figured if a guy was interested after seeing my picture, then I'd have more confidence on a first date.  After all, he saw my picture and pursued ME.  Hold your head high and know you are beautiful inside and out and just the right prince charming will come along and snatch you up.

(((Hugs)))

Michelle