I just really need to vent...
Thanks Sue! I am not going to talk to her for a while and see if my mom can't deal with her a little... maybe she'll come to her senses.
Oh good heavens..... Elena, honey, I'm so sorry you had this experience! I don't know diddly about cultural issues like that, but I admire you for at least being able to attribute some of her assault to that. You're being quite generous. Yet - not being inclined to give compliments should NOT mean it's acceptable to look for something to beat someone up over! And yes, those we love the most have the ability to hurt us the worst, that's for darn sure!
My thought on this (not to keep bringing it to the surface, I know you'd like to let it go!), but maybe you could write her a letter to let her know how her attack hurt you? You are an extremely intelligent young woman, so only you can decide if that would do more harm than good. But the points you might make with her are -
1. You are sorry that she was so offended by the length of you pants, but given the culture in which you are living, that seems a relatively minor offense. You COULD have worn cut-off shorts and a halter top! How would she have felt then?
2. You have lost 50 pounds so far - it has not been easy, but you are extremely proud of yourself, and looking foward to losing the NEXT 50 pounds! She isn't obligated to compliment or even comment on your weight loss, but to search for something as insignificant as the length of your pants to get upset about seems very misplaced.
3. Tell her that in order to be successful with your weight loss, you need to surround yourself with people who are supportive of your efforts, and who encourage you to keep doing what you need to do to get healthy. That her treatment of you at your recent visit was extremely hurtful, and you feel the need to keep a safe distance for a while, in order to avoid another hurtful scene. You love her, but can not subject yourself to such petty criticism. And that you hope she can understand.
Maybe this is just me being an optimist, but if you share with her the effect of that visit in your own words, while still showing her enough respect that she obviously feels she deserves, well, there's no guarantee she'll change one iota. But at least she will be aware of the negative effect her tirade had on you, and sometimes that's the best you CAN do.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us here, it shows how much you love and trust US! I feel very honored to be in that position.
My thought on this (not to keep bringing it to the surface, I know you'd like to let it go!), but maybe you could write her a letter to let her know how her attack hurt you? You are an extremely intelligent young woman, so only you can decide if that would do more harm than good. But the points you might make with her are -
1. You are sorry that she was so offended by the length of you pants, but given the culture in which you are living, that seems a relatively minor offense. You COULD have worn cut-off shorts and a halter top! How would she have felt then?
2. You have lost 50 pounds so far - it has not been easy, but you are extremely proud of yourself, and looking foward to losing the NEXT 50 pounds! She isn't obligated to compliment or even comment on your weight loss, but to search for something as insignificant as the length of your pants to get upset about seems very misplaced.
3. Tell her that in order to be successful with your weight loss, you need to surround yourself with people who are supportive of your efforts, and who encourage you to keep doing what you need to do to get healthy. That her treatment of you at your recent visit was extremely hurtful, and you feel the need to keep a safe distance for a while, in order to avoid another hurtful scene. You love her, but can not subject yourself to such petty criticism. And that you hope she can understand.
Maybe this is just me being an optimist, but if you share with her the effect of that visit in your own words, while still showing her enough respect that she obviously feels she deserves, well, there's no guarantee she'll change one iota. But at least she will be aware of the negative effect her tirade had on you, and sometimes that's the best you CAN do.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us here, it shows how much you love and trust US! I feel very honored to be in that position.
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Thanks Darla! My mom tried to talk to her because they are 'closer' of course in a sense so that seemed to do the trick!
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