I need to hold myself accountable....

Thank you Lynn!  I have to remember that a week is only a small amount of time compared to the 17 years I binged and lived a very unhealthy life and as Ali would say I am still a baby so I need to fall down in order to learn to walk!  (I should take lessons from my youngest nephew who is just starting to walk!)  Love & Hugs! Nicole

Hey my cute little friend.....

I understand where you ae at... I have rode this roller coaster off and on since my surgrey almost 18 months ago.....

Old habits die hard, and yes.... it is easy to get on that slippery sloap.. but once again you are proving how strong and commited you are to this journey... I agree the hardest thing is to realize you have a problem. and then to deal with it... You have come a long way baby.. becuase if you are like me...... before.. you would hide form it.. and not even know why...

Your doing great, keep the self assessment going.. you have yourself down to a T.....

Diane

Thank you my dear!  Yes I have gotten to know myself and am learning when and why I do and feel things more now than I ever did in the past, I attribute that to the recovery from BPD, because when you can't get a grip on who you are it is hard to get to know yourself.  I am hoping that as I keep getting back up on the path one day I will be able to stay on it and avoid the little detours that seem to take me onto slippery slopes and brambles and sometimes onto the edge of a cliff.  Yes, a year ago I would have kept this to myself hiding it in shame, but I have learned that if I am experiencing something the chance is there are at least a few others out there going through the same thing and if I can help them by sharing my experience then I will and help both myself and someone else at the same time.  I am amazed everyday by the support I received from the wonderful people here!  Love & Hugs!  Nicole

Nicole- Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. As a pre-op, it helps point out to me that surgery isn't the fix, it's a tool, and the mind is a powerful thing. Looks like yours is ticking in the right direction again. Good for you posting what's been going on, fessing up in a way, putting it out there and getting yourself back in a positive direction. I've found it very theraputic to write lately, just a few hours ago I ranted about a bad thing I devoured in a two day span. Anyway, Thank you for sharing. You're an inspiration with what you've lost, and the knowledge you've gained.

Thank you Kristy!  A large part of the reason I decided to post this out here rather than say just on my blog is so that people who are just starting out can see that this journey is far from easy and that it takes a long time to unlearn all of the habits we developed when we lived an unhealthy life.  I believe writing is an amazing outlet for the things we often carry inside.  I used to write both poetry and prose a lot, and have gotten away from it, but have started at starting to do it again.  Taking in these sorts of things now will be immensly helpful for you on your journey.  I was not very active pre-op  on here and really wish I would have been because there is so much to learn from those who are at all stages on their journey. 

I used to write a lot too, but haven't in a long time. By chance are you an Aqaurius?

No I am actually a Gemini, but I don't really fit a lot of the characteristics of a Gemini any more, however I used to fit it to a T.

Nicole sweetie, your post is amazing  and I commend you for your honesty and especially implementing a corrective action plan! Regardless of my current shrinking/wt loss, I really needed to 'get' the conveyed message in your post.  Way to Go, 'bug'!!  Oceans of love  and hugs galore, Patti

"Unless you're willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won't happen." Phillip Adams

You go girl! Way to keep your eyes open.

What a great quote!  Thank you Elena!