My turn to VENT! - GRAPHIC! - You've been warned

((((Lori)))) I am so sorry that this is happening to you.  Everyone has said all of the healthy and good things to do already so I won't repeat.

I am vindictive.  I would invite all of my friends/family over some day that he's not going to be there and I'd have them 1) help me clean my things from the barn, 2) change the locks on the house and 3) move all of his crap to the barn.  If he's going to act like an animal, then he can live like an animal.

I wish you the best and hope that you find the strength to do what you need to do and keep it done.  As someone mentioned, he is not acting like your friend by being this way.  None of the things that you say are supportive of you - none of them contribute to the betterment of your life. 

Hey Lori, I agree with Laurie J and Elena's comments. And, I honestly feel your pain!  My ex-dude has been evicted from this apartment building and will be out in two weeks!  Will be so much easier not even seeing him inside/outside---am going  to resist the man-bashing temptation here, because a handful of bad apples (think maggots!) won't spoil the entire ocean filled with fish! 
"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

Lori, I'm rootin' for you!  Oceans of love and hugs galore, Patti


"Signs You're in a Dead End Relationship By Kristin Kloberdanz

After investing so much time and emotional energy into a relationship, it's sometimes difficult to see that it's unraveling before your very eyes. While there are a few egregious signs that you should jump ship immediately (physical abuse or catching your partner in the sack with someone else), other symptoms of disease are easier to ignore. However, if you can learn to identify these symptoms, you might be better prepared for the inevitable split. Here are five signs that -- taken alone or in combination -- may indicate you or your partner might be headed for the door:

Indifference: Did your partner not remember your birthday? Or maybe he or she didn't bat an eye about your promotion. A considerable change in one's level of concern for someone else's wellbeing and happiness is not a good sign. Events, successes or milestones that are important to one person should also be important to a lover. In addition, if someone's no longer doing those little things that make being in a relationship so wonderful, like picking up flowers once in awhile or giving you an impromptu foot rub, you've got reason to wonder.

Chemistry has disappeared: Do you no longer feel attracted to your partner physically or mentally? You have to have chemistry in and out of bed for a relationship to endure. ****** with no intellectual depth is just as bad as your lover morphing into more of a buddy than anyone with whom you'd want to roll around in the sheets.

Negative behavior: If your partner's been acting irritable, moodily snapping at you for any minor infraction, you need to have a talk. This may be symptomatic of something else going wrong in his or her life, but it could also be a result of pent-up frustration with the relationship in general.

Secrets: Maybe he's quietly having dinner with a female co-worker or maybe she'****ting the bar scene with friends -- if there are lies involved, something rotten is lurking beneath the surface.

Distance: Is your partner spending all free evenings with anyone and everyone but you? When you do have precious moments together, do you immerse yourself in a book? If you find yourself avoiding time alone with your partner or lavishing more attention on your cat, maybe the single life is what you desire most. While it's healthy to maintain your own friends and outside interests, relationships suffer when one person suddenly becomes distant -- physically or even emotionally -- in an attempt to lead a separate life.
 

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Hey Lori~

I agree with what the others told you.  YOU already know the answer!
Will it take you getting ulcers before you get rid of the stress you're under?

Park his junk at the curb and get the locks changed--and never let him in again!

MHO!!

(((HUGS)))
**SUE**

Lori.....you already know what you need to do.

Others have given you great advice now you should follow it.
Give him a two week notice in writing...less if you feel it is necessary.
Let him know when the notice is up his things will be removed from the house.
On that day have the locks changed. Have someone there with you....the police if you feel you might need them.
Never let him in again!!
Be strong....you can do it. Do it for yourself and your peace of mind.

Good luck....(((HUGS))) connie d

Lori, I won't repeat what the others have said but want you to know I'm here thinking about you.   If there's anything I can do please let me know.   You are a wonderful person and deserve only the best in life.   There are good men out there......but there are so many others too.....I guess you opened my eyes to see how good I have it.   No complaining from me about my hubby....at least not for a while.   We need to get a Duluth coffee together again....sounds like you could use a group hug!

Let me know when there's gonna be a Duluth coffee and make sure Erika is there, okay?   I want to give our Lori a big hug too!

I do need advance warning!

(((HUGS))
**SUE**

Hi Lori

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I am not in a good position to give advice to you, regaring myself,  because today is my 26th wedding anniversary, but others have given such awesome advice. I would take this all in and hope that it will help you make the right choice.

This is my opinion only.........My daughter has gone through similar stuff and what I tell her and will say to you.....you are a good person and deserve to be happy!!! You made the choice to have the surgery to be healthy and now you deserve the happiness. Don't let this get you down. I  believe that God doesn't give us anything more than we can handle. Through all your family and friends, you will get through this. I firmly believe in only keeping positive people around yourself. Life is too short to be around negative and destructive people.

Hang in there. Keep yourself safe and remember you deserve to be HAPPY!!!

Hugs
Peggy

Two thoughts for you in addition to what everyone has said...

1. On my afternoon walk I was listening to my music and "I'm yours" by Jason Marz was on, given the song is about being with someone, but there is one line in there that made me think of your post... "It's your god foresaken right to be LOVED"


2. I have WONDERFUL friends.... that would make horrible boyfriends or husbands for ME... that's why they are just my friend...


Sarah

I have written and deleted this a couple times for fear of saying to much.  I wouldn't want to say anything that could cause you more trouble.  I can say I have been there and done that.  Please be smart about what you do so you are safe.  Don't ruin or get rid of his stuff he can take you to court and win.  Cover Your A$$, every time you contact him to do anything with some kind of proof.  Never agree to meet him alone.  A good man IS an endangered specie I have one.  He is the total opposite of the first husband and we've been married 24 years.  Good luck, be safe.  We're here for ya!