Yet another attempt to get back on track

I am so frustrated with myself for the past month I have been trying to get myself back on track and have not succeeded yet in getting back on track for more than a couple of days or at the most a week.  After a weekend of poor choices due to lack of planning and preparing on my part, I had a long thinking session on the way home and came to the conclusion that I need to do a couple of things all together and be commited to them 100%.  These changes will be a guide to help me find and remain on the path I need to take in order to be successful on this journey.  The changes I am making as of today are: eat as though I never tested sugar and will dump if I eat too much, what does this mean?  I will keep my sugar intake in the single digits per meal/snack.  The second thing is to only snack on soy milk or SF soy chi lattes no actual solid food snacks at all, if I am hungry enough that I need to eat I will eat my meal, or if it is later at night I will drink some soy milk and go to bed.  Third I will be diligent in tracking protien and carbs and limit my carbs to 60 grams a day and make sure my protien is at least 60 grams or more per day.  Fourth, I will get back into a regular exercise routine, to help with this I brought back a yoga dvd I had purchased to leave at my parent's place a couple of months ago.  I know that I really enjoyed the yoga classes I was taking, but they are now a bit out of my budget so I will do my dvd alternating it with my toning dvd and walking.  Ffith, I will keep in touch with and check in on this board.  I sort of drifted away due to being so busy at work and then feeling like I was just barely keeping my head above water which made me feel as though I was not very successful.  Sixth I will forgive myself when I make a mistake or poor choice and learn from it then get up and start again with the next choice rather than wait to start again the next day or week or mont, etc.  Seventh and last I will get my butt in therapy, I am hoping to go through the counseling center at MSU, if they are not able to  help I will check into the therapist my new NUT reccommended.   I know that if I follow these new guidelines I will be able to successful and reach my goal weight by my 1 year surgiversary.  I am praying for the strength to be able to overcome years of disordered eating and self-sabbatoge.  If any of you could spare a prayer I would greatly appreciate it because I know that the only way I will be able to succeed is through God's grace.  Love & Hugs, Nicole

Nicole, you certainly have my prayers for success, for focus, and to get back on track.  But I feel a bit of concern that you could possibly be setting the bar a bit high for yourself here. 

Remember, one of the reasons many of us FAILED at "dieting" was because we set TOO MANY RULES for ourselves to follow.  The moment we failed at ONE of them, we threw the rest out the nearest window and ATE to either comfort or punish ourselves.  You have a LOT on your plate right now, with work and school...  you have to remember that you are HUMAN, and it took you more than one year to put on your weight - if it takes you more than one year to take it OFF, that does NOT make you a failure!  This isn't a race you have to win.  This isn't a battle - this is a WAR against our obesity.  It's the end goal that matters, and IMHO, as long as you keep taking steps in the right direction, you WILL win the war.  Just don't force yourself to do everything perfectly every single day, because you might be setting yourself up to consider yourself a failure - even tho you've already done an INCREDIBLE job!!!

Love yourself, be patient with yourself, be determined - just don't set your rules unrealistically high.  If you KNOW you can do all these things to your satisfaction, GREAT!  But don't kick yourself if you aren't perfect with it all, okay? 

Darla~Thank you for your concern, support and prayers and I truely appreciate them.  I guess maybe I should rephrase my post I have set the five things in my post as guides to get me back on track and will do my level best to follow them, however I guess I need to add a sixth and that is that if I made a mistake I will acknowledge it, learn from it and pick myself up and start again with the next choice, not the next day or the next week.  I think in part I stated the post the way I did is because I know I need to be a bit more strict with myself.  My disordered eating caused me to never really learn about self-control when it came to food for me it was an all or nothing sort of deal either I fasted or strictly restricted my calories or it was a free for all eat what I wanted when I wanted and how much I wanted regardless of what my body was telling me.  Oh, and I just thought of guide number seven too, I need to get my butt into a therapist (I am thinking of using the counseling center at MSU) to work on some of these issues that I thought I had conqured but apparently I still struggle with.  Thank you for helping me to take another look at my approach to getting back on track.  I appreciate your friendship and all the support you have given me immensly.  Nicole

Nicole:

I know you are struggling to get back on track, but I think you should also reflect on the success you have had so far.  You have lost the body weight of a small adult woman.  How many people can say they have done that?  Not too damn many.  A few months back I mentioned in a reply to one of your posts that you inspire me....you still do.  While I am impressed with the extraordinary weight loss acheivements of so many on OH, I am truly inspired by those who are successful despite home and work challenges, difficult childhoods, a history of self-sabotaging behavior, etc.  You need to find the same strength that brought you through surgery to where you are today.  You can do it!  Also, I am not a religious guy, but I will say a prayer for you and your continued, inspiring success.

Take care,

RP

RP~Thank you!  I am humbled that you still find me to be an inspiration despite all of my struggles lately.  I am very grateful for the success I have had thus far on this journey, but feel as though I have veered off the path and now I need to get find a way to get myself back to where I was a few months ago when I was living a healthy life and utilizing the tool and second chance at a life worth living.  Thank you for saying a prayer for me I greatly appreaciate it!  Nicole

Nicole-
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you get back on track.  I am so impressed by your honesty- and knowing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy.  I have read many of your posts and know that I couldn't juggle all of the things that you do!  You are truly one special lady!

Reenie

Thank you Reenie!  I agree that coming on here and posting my struggles is not very easy, but I have also realized that it helps me to really get my mind wrapped around what I want to do, especially if I keep coming back instead of disappearing like I did just recently.  I only pray that this time I will be able to stay on track more than in the past.  Nicole 

My suggestion, for what its worth, is to get involved with your support group!  And also have an accountability partner. 

These aren't failures.  And the more you look at it as a failure, the harder you are on yourself.  And if you are feeling down, what do you do?  I know what I'd do.  Eat and sleep.  These are challenges that WE ALL face. 

Wake up and try as hard as you can each and every day.  And get an accountability partner.  Make contact each day with this person - via phone or email.  I really think this will help you out!

Good luck!
Kel

Kelly~Thank you for your suggestions.  I am actually very active in the PNC support group and don't miss a meeting unless I am out of town.  I will think about the accountability partner.  ~Nicole

Nicole,

I can relate to you more than you know..........I too have been struggling........I take it day to day.....Family issues, etc. have brought my best friend FOOD back in a bad way......I can eat just about anything without dumping or getting sick.........I've been trying to get back to the basics but it is hard......It's a daily struggle.......

You have done so well, I hope you can get back on track......Prayers will be said my friend, and if you can say one for me too that would be great.

Take care and just take it one day at a time.......
Kelly