OT-broken hearted, and need a different type of support...caution, strong language, mild...
How can somebody just up and walk away, without any type of explanation? Without anything? I've been seeing this man for a little while. He was the one who always wanted to know what I was thinking. He was the one who instigated and asked for the daily, or at the very least, every other day phone calls (him making most of those calls). I thought things were going from really good even better.
We both work a full time and a part-time job, and on top of that he has partial custody of his kids, so getting together could be a little tough on occasion, but we always had fun when we did. And no, I didn't have sex with him right away, I did hold out for a little while. 2 weekends ago we had discussed the fact that we were both off this last Sunday, and that we should go to the Ren Fest. We didn't set it absolute, but I guess I made the mistake of assuming we were going to spend some time together, doing something on Sunday. Well, unexpectedly, he called me on Friday and asked if I wanted to go to the Fair. Yeah, bonus! We went, I thought we had a great time. Yep, spent the night with him, he dropped me off the next morning cause I had to work. I called him Sat night to see if we were still on for Ren Fest, he said he had to go over to his sis's and finish a project (I knew he had started on there the day before), so I said ok, give me a call when you get done. Didn't hear from him all day Sunday. I did call him twice that day. oNce at about 3 pm to inquire on how the project was going, and if we were going to get together. The second time was a bit after 9pm, and I admit to being a bit upset. I would like to believe that I stayed calm and cool, did mention that I was a little disappointed that I hadn't heard from him all day, hope everything was alright, and hey, give me call. I went to bed soon after. He did call back at 11:32pm, but I didn't get to the phone on time, and he didn't leave a message on my VM. Haven't heard from him since. I called on Tues, tried to keep it light, said "hey, miss you, hoping I get to talk to you soon." Nothing. I assume this means I've been dumped. What the hell? I honestly thought he was somebody who has more character than to just disappear. How can we have a blast one night, and he can just walk away the next, as if we hadn't spent all that other time togethe?. I know nothing happened to him, cause he's been on the dating website we met on twice in the last 2 days. So yeah, I know I've been tossed over. I know it won't do any good to call him again. He won't answer. Even if he did, the answers I get would either be hurtful or inadequate. But son of a ***** I'm having a terrible time staying away from the phone.
And before the speeches about how there is somebody better out there begins. I know that. My brain does know that. I know of 2 men right now who want to meet me. Who I had chatted with before I began with him, but for many reasons never met, and now they are ready. I just want closure. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I'm upfront in my profiles about what I want, and I was upfront with him about what I was looking for. Seriously? Was he using me this whole time? I've been told by several that I am a pretty good judge of character. I didn't get this type of asshole vibe from him. I went in with my eyes wide open. I'm a great skeptic. Maybe I'm getting soft in my old, desperate age. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm asking for here. I just need to write. I needed to reach out. I need support. This is where I've had a lot of work with counselors, is asking for help, and support, because I hate doing it, and never used to do it. I always fought the fight by myself, until things were so bad there was no good way out. I'm stronger than that, I know that now. No man/woman is an island, and we need support. I know this, and this is why I am reaching..
We both work a full time and a part-time job, and on top of that he has partial custody of his kids, so getting together could be a little tough on occasion, but we always had fun when we did. And no, I didn't have sex with him right away, I did hold out for a little while. 2 weekends ago we had discussed the fact that we were both off this last Sunday, and that we should go to the Ren Fest. We didn't set it absolute, but I guess I made the mistake of assuming we were going to spend some time together, doing something on Sunday. Well, unexpectedly, he called me on Friday and asked if I wanted to go to the Fair. Yeah, bonus! We went, I thought we had a great time. Yep, spent the night with him, he dropped me off the next morning cause I had to work. I called him Sat night to see if we were still on for Ren Fest, he said he had to go over to his sis's and finish a project (I knew he had started on there the day before), so I said ok, give me a call when you get done. Didn't hear from him all day Sunday. I did call him twice that day. oNce at about 3 pm to inquire on how the project was going, and if we were going to get together. The second time was a bit after 9pm, and I admit to being a bit upset. I would like to believe that I stayed calm and cool, did mention that I was a little disappointed that I hadn't heard from him all day, hope everything was alright, and hey, give me call. I went to bed soon after. He did call back at 11:32pm, but I didn't get to the phone on time, and he didn't leave a message on my VM. Haven't heard from him since. I called on Tues, tried to keep it light, said "hey, miss you, hoping I get to talk to you soon." Nothing. I assume this means I've been dumped. What the hell? I honestly thought he was somebody who has more character than to just disappear. How can we have a blast one night, and he can just walk away the next, as if we hadn't spent all that other time togethe?. I know nothing happened to him, cause he's been on the dating website we met on twice in the last 2 days. So yeah, I know I've been tossed over. I know it won't do any good to call him again. He won't answer. Even if he did, the answers I get would either be hurtful or inadequate. But son of a ***** I'm having a terrible time staying away from the phone.
And before the speeches about how there is somebody better out there begins. I know that. My brain does know that. I know of 2 men right now who want to meet me. Who I had chatted with before I began with him, but for many reasons never met, and now they are ready. I just want closure. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I'm upfront in my profiles about what I want, and I was upfront with him about what I was looking for. Seriously? Was he using me this whole time? I've been told by several that I am a pretty good judge of character. I didn't get this type of asshole vibe from him. I went in with my eyes wide open. I'm a great skeptic. Maybe I'm getting soft in my old, desperate age. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm asking for here. I just need to write. I needed to reach out. I need support. This is where I've had a lot of work with counselors, is asking for help, and support, because I hate doing it, and never used to do it. I always fought the fight by myself, until things were so bad there was no good way out. I'm stronger than that, I know that now. No man/woman is an island, and we need support. I know this, and this is why I am reaching..
It's never too late—in fiction or in life—to revise. Nancy Thayer
Christi,
Big hugs to you........I read your post and can hear the hurt and confusion......I too would want to know why? I guess if it was me I would call one more time and leave a nice message just saying, "I figured out you dumped me, I would really appreiciate a reason why though? Did I do something wrong?"
I hate to ask this, But it sounds like you spent the night with him and then he dumped you....Do you have alot of skin from loosing weight? If you do, maybe he couldn't handle that? God I hope this isn't coming off bad, because I don't mean it too......I know I have skin that hangs, but my hubby loves me for me......I'd call you, but I don't have your number......Maybe he's just one of these guys that is uncomfortable with WLS skin?
I hope this didn't offend you......Your Avatar looks HOT......It's hard dating & finding the right man.....I couldn't even imagine having to do that at my age........
Love & hugs to you, PM me if you want. Take care......Time does heal.......It just sucks in the meantime........
Kelly
Big hugs to you........I read your post and can hear the hurt and confusion......I too would want to know why? I guess if it was me I would call one more time and leave a nice message just saying, "I figured out you dumped me, I would really appreiciate a reason why though? Did I do something wrong?"
I hate to ask this, But it sounds like you spent the night with him and then he dumped you....Do you have alot of skin from loosing weight? If you do, maybe he couldn't handle that? God I hope this isn't coming off bad, because I don't mean it too......I know I have skin that hangs, but my hubby loves me for me......I'd call you, but I don't have your number......Maybe he's just one of these guys that is uncomfortable with WLS skin?
I hope this didn't offend you......Your Avatar looks HOT......It's hard dating & finding the right man.....I couldn't even imagine having to do that at my age........
Love & hugs to you, PM me if you want. Take care......Time does heal.......It just sucks in the meantime........
Kelly
I wasn't going to call him again, but I did. Call it getting the closure I needed. So, I called and left one last message, saying "I guess this lack of any answer from you is my answer, so this means we are done. Wish I could understand what happened, but I'm going to go ahead and move on. Have a great life and hope you find what you are looking for." well, that's more or less what I said.
TMI warning: We had been intimate several times before, with full nudity, so if the skin was an issue, he did well at hiding it. If it weighed in on his disappearance, well, not much I can do about that. I'm not offended at all that you brought up the skin thing. I worry about it and how it will affect possible intimate relationships. It's a legit question.
Whatever the case. I concluded that it is over. I've accepted it. Even if he were to call at this point in time, I wouldn't see him again.
I feel better today. A good rant, writing here and talking to friends a family on the phone, a little cry, and a little bit of falling back on old crutches to get through the evening, and I woke up feeling like a new woman today. There are plenty of fish in the sea! I should date a lot and enjoy my new hotness! Ok, thats a little more confident than I actually feel, but that's my new mantra.
Thank you for responding so quickly. It did help a lot.
It's never too late—in fiction or in life—to revise. Nancy Thayer
Christi, I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sucks, no getting around that. And I can imagine it's hard not to call him! But if you ever do, you might ask why he wasn't man enough to break things off officially, rather than just pull a childish disappearing act.
Yeah, you deserve way better than that. Better to find out now what they guy is made of, before you got further involved. Just don't let this one bad apple sour you to the rest of the men who would LOVE to find themselves a woman as beautiful as YOU!!!
Yeah, you deserve way better than that. Better to find out now what they guy is made of, before you got further involved. Just don't let this one bad apple sour you to the rest of the men who would LOVE to find themselves a woman as beautiful as YOU!!!
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Personally, I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong, it's a matter of whether or not it would hurt your pride. If you need that closure, then do it. Just be sure you are clear - that you find it pathetic he didn't have the balls to tell you to your face that he wanted out. Don't give him any room to interpret your visit differently.
Then you can leave with your pride intact, and your mind looking forward to your next lucky stud muffin!
Then you can leave with your pride intact, and your mind looking forward to your next lucky stud muffin!
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Thanks Darla! I didn't drive over, but I did make one last call. No pathetic message, just strong woman not yelling or begging or crying or anything like that, saying goodbye. I got the closure I needed, and I feel so much better today. I really do feel better today. I think I just needed it to be plainly spoken by one side or the other, and I spoke the closeing words where he will hear them, and that gave me closure. I'm moving on! And hopefully, moving up!
It's never too late—in fiction or in life—to revise. Nancy Thayer
Hia Christy,
I hate to sound optimistic...LOL. My boyfriend and I, before we moved in together, had many of those cir****tances mostly because he has half custody of his 3 kids so no matter what ...they came first and sometimes there would be days that I didn't hear from him....and not to mention numerous times I had no clue what he thought or if it was over. I learned just to take a deep breath, suck up my pride and say if it's meant to be....then it will happen. 2 years later we are very happy. Oh! and I met him on match.com. Being in 2nd place is tough! But i understand kids have to be #1. If he calls, feel him out and tell him how you honestly feel. Hang in there and have faith!!
Kim
I hate to sound optimistic...LOL. My boyfriend and I, before we moved in together, had many of those cir****tances mostly because he has half custody of his 3 kids so no matter what ...they came first and sometimes there would be days that I didn't hear from him....and not to mention numerous times I had no clue what he thought or if it was over. I learned just to take a deep breath, suck up my pride and say if it's meant to be....then it will happen. 2 years later we are very happy. Oh! and I met him on match.com. Being in 2nd place is tough! But i understand kids have to be #1. If he calls, feel him out and tell him how you honestly feel. Hang in there and have faith!!
Kim
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