They didn't do surgery on my brain!! (long)

NO KIDDING! So where do I sign up for that part! Seriously since I have gotten healthy and 130 pounds smaller, I have actually LOST my confidence. I met a coworker of my husbands the other night. Apparently he went to work the next day and told everyone there I am really hot (he was freakin hot as hell!) Then my hubby called and said yesterday everyone in the shop was again talking about his hot wife. It freaked me out! I used to do a lot of public speaking before I moved down here, so I am used to meeting new people, and Loved being center of attention. Now I have a hard time even looking people in the eye when I shake their hands. I even dread shaking hands at church! I used to love having sex, now I try to avoid it. Before surgery I would just throw on whatever,and actually thought I looked good. Now I go through three-five outfits before I settle on something that looks "ok" in my mind. I asked my husband the other day if something I was wearing made me look fat ( I KNOW that is a stupid question, like he would say yes if I did, but couldn't help myself.) He said "you never asked me that before surgery when you did look fat, why are you asking now that you are really skinny" So I told him I knew I looked fat before, now I really can't tell what I look like. I never expected this response by my brain. I always figured I would just feel even better about myself,and I would look great, and my confidence would remain. So, am I just really weird, and having the opposite resonse of every other person who had surgery?

OMG!! I can totally understand what your saying. I use to have such confidence, and now I'm like a shy puppy.  I don't feel attractive. Its like more people are excited about the weight loss than I am. I'm nervous to see how things go. I am down 103lbs and have about 150 left to meet my goal. I've decided to talk with someone right now before it gets out of hand

I kind of understand what you are talking about....I now try on 5-6 things, stand in the mirror, look sideways, check out every curve, bump etc. I sometimes think I still look "fat"...then the next minute I'm amazed that I've lost all the weight and can't believe I'm where I'm at. Our brain's just not caught up yet, I think! I believe we lack confidence due to our own uncertainty...I think it will all come back, we just have to make sure and "put" ourselves out there. What ever you do....DO NOT hide yourself...really just push forward, keep your head up and keep that beautiful smile of yours on your face!

Nicole.....wow....that is hard to believe.....you have been so outgoing.....what a change!
I know how you feel. I don't think anything looks good on me. I see every little bump and feel fat. This sure does a number on your head!! I know I am thin but I don't see it either.
However I am much more confident right now....it has gone totally the other way. No being shy anymore!!
I hope you can get that figured out. You are a beautiful, thin woman!! I hope you can find your confidence again. That has to be so hard when you were the total opposite before.
You are in my thought and prayers. Seek a therapist if you need to.....that may help.
Hugs....connie d

A therapist isn't an option now unfortunately. With my job loss and our financial situation, we are not even able to pay for me to have insurance, had to cancel it. But thank you for your encouraging words, and you are so tiny, you couldn't look bad in anything you wear. I hope things even out soon, it is hard to get such a personality change, it was the last thing I expected. Miss you!

Nicole:

Let's see.....you made a major move away from what had been familiar to you, you got a new job, lost the new job in this economy, you look different than you used to look and are being deluged with attention for that change........do you think your newfound self-conciousness is a reflection of the uncertainty in your life right now?  (other than the fact that you do, for certain, look hot)  My suggestion would be to break things down into manageable pieces.....

- first, if you can find a job that appeals to you, even if the pay and benefits are kind of sucky, might help reduce the financial anxiety you are currently experiencing

-second, try to get out more and practice being the new woman you have become and I think your self confidence will return.  You are in somewhat unfamiliar territory on the social front right now and it will take some time for you to become accustomed to the way people treat you now.

-third, do you think hot women need to meet a certain standard of dress?  Your previous self-confidence was rooted in being a bright, outgoing person who didn't need her clothing choices to feel good about who she was.  You are a thinner version of that person who needs to get comfortable with how she looks now.  From a man's perspective...hot is hot, whether you are wearing designer clothes or grungy sweatpants and an old tee-shirt.

I hope this helps a little.  

RP
 

WOW!!  You rock!!!  Are you a therapist?  If not you'd be great!!!

Thank you for the compliment!  I am not a therapist, although I probably should have pursued that sort of profession instead of an engineering degree.  Over the years, people have accused me of being an ex-minister, being a therapist/psychologist, or just being a little scary (intuition or insight or whatever it is must not be too common among large blonde men).  All I know is that it makes me feel good to help someone who needs a little different perspective on things that are troubling them.

RP

RP ROCKS!!!



Seriously...  you DID miss your calling, dude.  But WE'LL TAKE YOU HERE!!!

Thanks, Darla!