Changing the "inner dialog"?

okay gotta turn the lurking off for a minute and post a new subject..

i have been having a really hard time changing the inner dialog!  The years that I was overweight I was an expert at showing a happy face on the outside and being miserable on the inside.  I am smaller, i have lost weight but not anywhere close to my goal after 2+ yrs.  I have decided that its pretty much OVER and i am trying to be ok with that.  I have noticed so many changes that are great and I feel better and look better i can do so many more things but on the inside, where no one can see, my inner dialog is still the same.  For EXAMPLE: you dont look good in this or that; you cant wear this out in public, you look so gross; you shouldnt be eating this or that, you have eaten so much today, you dont deserve to eat anything else; you will never lose another pound and you are probably going to gain, you are such a loser, quiter, terrible person! 

Okay, No Beatings Please.  Just wondering if anyone else has overcome this and how you've done it.  

I know that this is most likely a large culprit of why i have been on a stahl for over a year and its probably sabotaging me?  I probably should talk to a therapist but I just dont know if I can discuss these types of issues with strangers face to face?  I need to be kinder to my inner self, but its so hard to pull myself out of that black hole of feeling so unworthy!

Thanks for listening.

Hi
 I had my surgery 3 years ago this coming March and I am going through allot of thees thoughts myself right now. i Have to be care-full as to what I say out loud in front of my 18 year daughter because she gets upset with me and tells me to go look in the mirror. I went from a size 20 to a size  6 and still have thoughts of my old self. I don't know if this makes any sense just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
                                     Take care
                                            Jan   

Thanks Jan!  You have done great, size 20 down to 6!!  Thats awsome!

I think we've all said at one time or another, "Surgery doesn't heal your head!"  And it's really true.  I've gone to counseling since surgery, and have been in groups like OA.  It is really helpful, because it makes us realize what we're doing is harming us.  Being aware of it is a huge step, but making the changes is where the work starts.  I once had a therapist tell me to break my "old tapes" and visualize actually destroying them, so I visualized driving over cassette tapes and ruining them!  It sounds crazy but it works - you just have to keep doing it every time one of the negative thoughts happens.  If you are able, I encourage you to speak to a counselor.  Believe me, the stuff you talk about won't be the craziest they've heard by a long shot!  :-)

I also encourage you to not "give up" on reaching your goal.  I'm just a couple of weeks behind you as far as a surgery date and I am able to lose very easily if my weight pops up.  It's a matter of getting back to the basics - like following the old eating plan your surgery program provided.  A lot of people have tried the 5-day pouch test, too and that  seems to jump-start weight loss.  Don't give up - your tool is still there and it can still work for you!  Even if weight isn't your concern, but your general health is, it's worth trying to get back into a healthy eating plan.  Good luck to you - you can do it!

Thanks so much.  Maybe I should try the 5 day pouch test.  I have never done it and I think I am eating way too much! 
THANKS!

Hey there purdy lurker chick!

A, you are not done.  WLS is for life, not just for the first X number of months when we lose the most weigh the fastest.  It's GOOD that you're willing to accept yourself as you are today, but that doesn't have to = giving up! 

B, talking to a "stranger" about your unhealthy thoughts and such is a lot EASIER than sharing them with someone you know!  Because your giveadamn level is so low, you will share things that you'd filter out with people you know and care about.  My hubby and I did some counseling a couple of years ago, and the things we shared?  Uff Da!!  Nothing I'd ever tell someone I actually KNEW!!

You are worthy, you can STILL work your tool and get to where you want to be, or at LEAST closer!  Look at SweetSue?  She's amazed that she's still losing - and she's further out than you are!  One thing you might want to do is talk to your doctor or someone about what is a REALISTIC goal for you.  I had that conversation with my PCP just last week - I asked him what he thought I could REALISTICALLY hope to get down to, with extra skin and bones like lead pipes all factored in.  He told me that if I never lose another pound, HE'S HAPPY with me!  Because from his perspective, I've REACHED all my goals - that is erasing all my co-morbs from my chart!  I still want to lose @ 25 pounds.  I want to see a "1" in front, if only for a day.  If I like how I feel there, I'll be thrilled!  But it's nice to know that my doc thinks I'm good right where I am!

You are beautiful.  You need to come 'round here more often 

Thanks Darla!  You're such a sweet girl!  I just love your posts, very motivating and caring!  I need to meet you in real life.  I really hope I can turn this around somehow.

THANKS!!

Hi MaryLou, I remember you from the '06 surgery year, and we had same amazing surgeon.  Hopefully  this post will help just one person hesitant to seek professional help:   Fortunately I'd been seeing a licensed psychologist for about a year regarding disability and family issues.  When I'd told her my GP had recommended WLS, she said that's her specialty!  We'd already established a  comfortable rapport, and appointments were spaced according to my needs during any given phase.  Currently at two-plus years out, I've not had any trouble with the head 'catching' up, through excellent behavior modification exercises implemented by our visits. I've learned so much about the psychological aspects of successes and less-than-successful scenarios:  the five cross-addictions of which to be wary;  the psychological transference of others' attitudes and behaviors;  keeping up mentally and emotionally with a rapidly-changing body, and more.  Professional psychological therapy may be threatening to an individual, though we became morbidly obese because we'd use food as our self-medicating 'drug' of choice.  We hadn't effectively learned how to process our emotions.  Being completely honest with a 'stranger' is a huge leap of faith, and hopefully more will be fortunate as I  to 'hit it off' at the very first appointment.  I'm likely a 'lifer', due to having a physical disease which affects cognitive thought processes.  (Mere fact,  NOT a pity-party as often accused)  Every individual is a 'work in progress' and free to choose which road to travel along this amazing journey.  All the best to you;  please be gentle with yourself.  Give yourself credit for the positive achievements you've definitely attained.  Hugs, Patti

Thanks so much Patti for your insight.  I'm going to have to do some research on finding the right therapist i guess?