When Do We Stop Being "Formerly Overweight"?

On my way into work this morning, I started thinking about lots of things.  And the one question that came up that I can't really find an answer to is when do we stop being WLS patients?  I know that for purposes of our follow up appointments the answer is that we never stop being formerly overweight.  But my question relates to people who you are just now meeting.

For example, as I'm spending lots of time out and actually having a social life - the question of "how do you know each other" comes up often (when I'm with friends who are also part of the OH site).  At first I felt that I needed to tell them "yeah, we met while we were in the process of having WLS".  But then I thought "why do these people need to know that"? 

I realize that eventually people who come into our lives after WLS will find out some time or another.  But why?  Why is it that we even need to feel like we need to share this?  Sort of like someone who has cancer.  Do you tell people right away that you are a cancer survivor?  I don't think so. I'm not embarassed about it in the least.  It was the best decision in my life.  But how have others dealt with this?  I hope this makes sense.  I'm having a hard time articulating myself.

Anyone else have thoughts about this?  Just curious.  Makes you stop and think, doesn't it?

Kelly

What a great question!  We must have ESP becuase suprisingly I have been thinking alot about this lately as well with meeting new people, did they need to know that I used to be morbidly obese....nope, I usually don't even bring it up anymore unless I am asked about my eating and then I don't always divulge all of the info.  I think perhaps after the newness of our new health and bodies wears off it may be easier, but who knows when that will wear off if ever. 

Love ya!
Nicole

So there is the big question of the day.  I understand were your coming from but not sure what the answer is. I guess my thoughts are I'm curious how others respond.

Hmm...I'd just like to know when I won't be over weight period!!! 

Ya know...people are still calling Prince..."The artist formerly known as..." Maybe we'll always be "The skinny girl formerly known as fat."  HA HA!!

Just kidding...what a thought-provoking question.  I always feel compelled to share my story with others, but you're right, when do we stop being a fat person and just be normal...maybe it has something to do with when our brain finally figures it out...does it every figure it out???

I think your question is bringing up way more questions than answers...sorry!!!

Have a good one!

I'm actually quite surprised that this is such a difficult question.  I, personally, have always been so open with people about the path that I took.  And it is really hard for me to not have an answer to this.  I'm stubborn, what can I say.

I think I'm going to post this on the general boards as well.  It just really makes me wonder.   How much information is TMI? 

Again, I'm just interested in hearing what others think.  If it is an issue for you or not. 

kelly

Hi Kelly!

GREAT question! I'm with you - NEVER. I personally will never stop being "formerly overweight" nor will WLS ever stop being a part of me or my story. That said, I don't find the need to tell every single person I meet for the same reason you mentioned - you sure don't tell everyone you encounter if you're a cancer survivor or for that matter, what jobs you've held, where you've lived, the cars you've driven, etc. LOL. Maybe they're not all in the same category but you get the drift... it's a part of my past & although it remains part of ME, in the present, it does not define me & is not me; just part of me. I just don't want to forget where I've come from nor do I ever want to go "back"... it's a constant reminder to keep it alive in me.

As for folks asking how you know friends or similar questions (which I also get often) I usually just say we've known each other for years (if that is true, of course) or that we met at a meeting (someone I met at a meet & greet or support group). I tend to be a little vague because just as my weight/health history isn't for everyone - nor is how I know my friends I guess.... it's ok to be vague but still answer in my opinion.

Great though provoking question... I'll look forward to some other answers!!

Jalyssa

Hi Kelly

Great question.

Here is my perspective from some who is 6+ years out. I believe that I will always think of myself as a wls patient. For me, I need to do this to keep myself on track. I know that the minute I stop thinking of myself that way, I will lose my focus.

I am so happy about the decision I made to have this surgery and get healthy,  I love to share my story with other people. I have always been soooo open about my wls, but as time marches on and I meet people who  didn't know me when I was  morbidly obese , I kind of pick and choose what I tell people. Now, I access the situation with the people I meet and if the opportunity arises to educate or help people, then I will tell them my story. 

Have a great weekend.

Peggy

At first, I was so happy that I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone who would listen.  Now I'm more selective.  Of course people who knew me prior to surgery, I'll share with them how i did it, but with strangers, it's more a "need to know" basis.  Sometimes when asked "where did yo meet so and so?" I'll say at coffee, or at a support group I belong to.  Or if you really don't want to share...just say through a friend of a friends. Sometimes I tell them what type of support group, sometimes I won't and just say, oh something through my clinic.  If they keep asking I might tell them or I might tell them you're nosey.  It's just the way I am.  I did tell the guy I'm dating and only because I look good in clothing, but what if we get to the point where they come off...I don't want him to be surprised at the skin.  Now is that TMI?? 

My FIRST thought to your subject "When Do We Stop Being "Formerly Overweight"?

I pray NEVER!!!  'cuz if I stop being FORMERLY overweight, that would probably mean I AM overweight!  Since I never plan to go back, I will ALWAYS think of myself as FORMERLY overweight.  (Did that make sense?)

As for the "how do you know each other" question, I'm fine with being vague & saying "Oh, we've known each other for EVER!!!"  A - because I would never want to divulge that one of my friends has had WLS without their blessings, and B - because it DOES seem like forever!  It'll only be 2 years come Feb. since I attended my first PNC meeting, but the friends I've made in the time since then have become such a HUGE part of my life!! 

People don't need to know.  People that already know about my surgery have pretty much figured out that my current circle of friends is made up of a LOT of my WLS friends, so it's a non-issue! 

I don't feel the need to identify myself based on what I used to be.  'Cuz I'm still me, I just look different.  And for people I meet from this point forward, they'll judge me on who they meet, not who I was. 

Scary, I know... 

Kelly

I still consider myself a WLS patient - even 4 yrs out.  Especially now since I've fallen "off the wagon", I am turning back to my old friends (including OH) because they helped me get thru this process the first time and they can help me again.

As far as how to explain how you became friends, I would say we met at a meeting, or give details if you feel comfortable.  I haven't been in this situation but I'm a very open person so I'm sure I would give more details than the person asking was expecting ;-)

I am proud of how far I've come (even today, with this weight gain), so I'm not shy about sharing any part of my experience.  Others prefer to keep their journey private and I totally respect that also.

Kim