An uncomfortable situation...

I don't think I've mentioned this here before, forgive me if I have.  

There is a man who works out of this same facility - I've known him for many years, and I've always really liked him.  He has the most amazing voice!  I have told him many times that he missed his calling, he should have been a DJ or something - it's deep, and soothing, and - well, he should have done some kind of voice work for a living.

Well, this same gentleman has become a real frustration for me.  He was one who was not afraid to ask me about my weight loss when it was becoming obvious, probably 15 months ago, and I told him the truth.  EVER SINCE THEN, it's the ONLY topic of conversation he can come up with when he finds himself in my building!  He asks me about how I'm doing, how much I've lost (even tho I told him I prefer NOT to discuss numbers openly), scolds me if he thinks I should be out biking on my lunch break or whatever, and he CONSTANTLY brings up his cousin who had WLS.  He talks about her as if she's a complete FAILURE with her WLS, because he's seen her eat awful things like rice pudding and chili dip on Fritos, or GOD FORBID a piece of FRIED chicken!  Today he was in here again, and I was GRASPING for something to change the topic to, but he went off on how horribly she ate at Christmas.  So I asked him if she had gained all her weight back.  No, she's still quite slim - but she eats horribly! 

I don't even know how to define what upsets me so much about this man!  He's been very supportive, very open with compliments about how I look and such, yet its the ONLY thing he ever talks about anymore!!!  No fishing, no camping, no highschool reunions or  speeding tickets, just WLS and how I'm doing with it!

I really want to find a gentle, eloquent way to tell him that I am not JUST about my WLS.  I'm tired of wanting to crawl under my desk when I see him coming because I KNOW he's gonna look me over and talk about it some more!  It's not as if he's creepy, he's totally respectful.  But I'm tired of his thinking of me in just that one regard.  It has totally soured my feelings for him.

Only if I DO say something, my guess is it'll mess up our relationship 'cuz then HE'LL feel uncomfortable every time he comes through here, not knowing what to talk about.  I really feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I need to say something, but I'm afraid to alienate him.  ARGHHH!!! 

Anyone have any advice or perspective that doesn't involve burning bags of doggie doo?

Make your answers short and quickly change the subject back to something you used to talk about.  For instance ask him if he knows anything about cars, IPODS, Raising Teens, Vactioning in the ozarks, or whatever.  Just keep changing the subject.  Make your answers to his questions about you very very vague.  So how much weight have you lost?  "oh, I'm still working on it and I really don't keep track, say, what about them vikings?" 

I feel your pain my friend, it's very delicate.  It would be different if he wern't so nice.  What's that commercial where they give a candy bar to a kid to shut him up?  

Darla,

This is a tough one.  I think I'd just say with a smile..."let's talk about something else.  Talking about weight all the time gets old."  If he starts to rant about his cousin, I'd just say...."I don't worry about what other people eat...I just try and watch myself." And go on to another topic.

My mother is obsessed with weight and weight loss...probably because she has struggled for over 50 years with it.  Sometimes I just can't handle another conversation about weight and dieting.  I have just said to her...let's change the subject, I'm tired of talking about weight.  She was ok with it...I think alot has to do with your tone.  If you're friendly about it...you can get away with being more direct.

Like....hey Joe - I love chatting with you....but let's find a new subject to yak about.  Weight isn't the #1 or most important subject to me anymore...something like that.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Oh hun I feel for ya- I have noticed a couple peeps I know that too feel it is a topic that I would want to discuss all the time...  While it has been a very very big thing for me- there is alot more in my life worth talking about... As how to broach the change- best wishes- no advice here as I am a person pleaser and rarely rock the boat- lol- But I agree that the tone- no matter what you say to someone can help how it comes across
Best Wishes and Big Hugs!

 My life is has been consumed with weight loss surgery talk for so long..so my new years resolution for 2009 is to put that talk on the back burner. I'd say it with a big laugh and smile and then say " How about those Vikings!!!"  
 

Darla, good luck with this. Makes it so much harder when it's someone you don't want to offend.  I get the " my cousin this ..my cousin that " stuff all the time.  Seems everyone has a cousin that eats horribly after wls !  But I have on two occassions, made this hot chip dip my family loves and had a smidge. It's browned hamb. cream cheese, sour cream and salsa ( in a crock pot ) and you eat it with tortilla chips.  Yeah..probably not the best thing for me to be eating. But 5 chips and 1/4 C of dip more than satisfies me and I don't feel one bit guilty. I refuse to give up everything.


You and your family have a wonderful 2009. I miss your smiling face!
Natalie

What a tough situtation that is Darla. Sorry you have to deal with that!! I have one person who has is like that in my life. All I do is try my hardest to change the subject to something else. Sometimes it works ans others it doesn't. I do my best not to lose my composure sometimes as she is very vocal but because my husband is friends with her husband I tolerate it for him. UGH

I hope this gets better for you!!

HUGS

 

that is a rock and a hard place.  but he'll understand - because you had a relationship before and you know he cares.
   i think it's something we all go thru eventually.  the surgery and weight loss was our PRIMARY FOCUS for so long that it's inevitable that we need to move on to other things in our lives.  because we don't want our weight to define the rest of our lives.
   letting the people in our lives know that we're ready to move on is not always as simple.  but i totally agree with prior posts.  a quick acknowledgment and gentle change of topic done repeatedly will go a long ways toward letting him know where you're at.
   good luck, hun.  but don't do the doggie doo - he's just trying to connect and show he cares.
HAPPY NEW YEAR

My advice is to concentrate on HIM. Men love that.. lol. If he brings you up... at some point say, "Gosh I'm kind of bored talking about me... what's new with you? How's the....boat/wife/kids/house/hobbie?" Divert to HIM.

Other advice?

--Joke with him.. you are a great joker... say "Enough about me.." or... "Can we stop talking about weight... it's getting me hungry." lol... just something silly.

--You can do the "it's kind of a private issue" thing. I know you've already talked about WLS a lot with him.. but you have every right to feel private about it at any time you choose

Ok here comes my 2 cents. It sounds like you have had a good relationship with him in the past and this will help.

Maybe he doesn't realize he is only talking about his sister and what you are doing, not doing or eating.  "boy you must really love & worry about your sister, you should tell her about your concerns?"

"Joe I want to thank you for the support you've given me, I really appreciate it. Do you realize that this whole WLS topic, whether it is about me or your sister, is what we seem to talk about a lot? Frankly I'm sick of talking about it. Lets make a deal, how about we find other things to talk about. If I'm feeling like I need advice, I'll hunt you down. I know I can depend on you." Then go right into some other topic.
Take it or leave it Darla, I know you will do the right thing!!

Thanks for all the advice, everyone - I think the bit I feel most comfortable with is the "can we talk about something else?" approach...  I've made SOOOO many attempts to subtly change the topic, it just doesn't seem to do the trick, he reins it right back in.  But if I can find the courage to tell him that I'd really rather talk about something else, well, it would take a special kind of stupid for someone to miss THAT hint...

Thanks, I truly appreciate it.  I thought it was a rather unusual issue, that I was just being overly sensitive - it's nice to know I'm not alone!