Back~ Challenge~My thought....(LONG)

I am back even tho I am still "sore".  I am trying to look at the positives in life rather then the negative injustices.  I have also read some posts and am inspired and sad.

SO here is my challenge to whoever wants a challenge:
(this requires a little soul searching)

1) Older Post-ops:  Are you happy where you are?  If not, what are you going to do to get there?

2) EVERYONE:  Are you following the rules?  Why not?

3) EVERYONE:  Do you want accountability?  And what exactly does that mean to you?

4) EVERYONE:  What is the motivation that brought you to your WLS journey?  Is that motivation still as strong as it was?  Is that motivation strong enough to keep you on track? 

Now, my encouragement to ALL.  You have been blessed with a tool.  Your success is determined by how you use it.  If you choose the path of "what can I get away with" then don't expect the best results.  No matter what tool you have chosen YOU can make it work.  It all comes down to following the rules and making the best choices for yourself.  I humbly admit that I have not every single day followed my plans rules.  I also admit that my success is related to my drive to do things right and to NEVER go back to where I was!  I have people that say I am too thin.  Oh well, that's there opinion and they are entitled to it~ doesn't matter to me as long as I am happy with where I am.  In my own journey I have had my struggles.  One of which you all know has been fighting insurance for PS.  Yes, I am sad about the outcome only because I am tired of living in pain and with rashes.  Does everyone have these issues after WLS?  No, not all.  I have to keep my chin up and say that just like my WL journey that I fought the good fight and DID ALL I COULD.  If we don't give all we can then why bother?  I love the saying "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything".  And even tho not everyone lives by "Do unto others as you'd have done to you", I hold tight to it.  Is life fair? Nope, so deal with it and move on( a tough lesson this past year for me).  I come to this board and am in awe of those who have soooo much wisdom to give to others~ did they have to, no.  They do/did because they care.  I am inspired by the new posts for exercise and logging what you eat.  WOW!! 
Now, I sit and think.  What do I have to offer this board and what do I gain.  All I have to offer is my opinion and what I gain or have gained is friends.  Those friends have been a great support and for that I am thankful.  I have been here for 2yrs now.  I am working on my 3rd year of RNY.  I came here and got tons of advice, tons of support and tons of friends.  While being here I watched my friends acheive their goals or wows~ truely amazing!  I rejoiced with them and applauded them on.  I got the pleasure of watching a HS friend go thru WLS and watch her shrink!~ amazing!!  In the begining there was my inspiration on this board.  I thought WOW if only I could be half as successful as her!  Turns out that I was just as successful~ and by that I mean in WLS terms I reached my goal and infact beyond!!~ AMAZING!!!    What I have learned is that obese or thin I have to love me for me~ still a work in progress there.  What I gained was taking down the "mask of obesity" and leaving no more excuses in my way~ to get to the issues that made me obese(yes, genetics was a big part, but so was stuffing food down to cover the pain).  To me that was the hardest part because I had to come to the realization that there was no one else to put the blame on but me!  WOW!!  With that came the same realization that my "success" in WLS and in life falls on my shoulders.  If I look down or negative about both then I will not be able to go forward.  If I look at the great blessings in both I am a much happier and helpful person. 
SO with that said, I am on this board and i life, never going to sugarcoat things.  I will be here to post thought prevoking posts from time to time.  I will be here to congratulate the wow's and accomplishments.  I will read the posts I can and I will try not to offend but I am entitled to my opinion~ it's merely that.   I care about each and everyone and hope nothing but the best for you all and WILL rejoice with you when you acheive your goal. 

Start 2009 with I CAN!!!!  YOU CAN because no one else is in your shoes to do it but YOU!! Focus on the positive! WORK THAT TOOL!!
HUGS
sorry for the ramble!

Hey, welcome back!  I'm glad to see you post.

I'm one of the ones *****ally struggles being 100% compliant. As I've admitted in another post, at 3 weeks I've already been testing and I know that's not good.  I realize not being compliant will bring a lesser and/or slower result than following the guidelines more explicitly.  I've been noticing everyones' progress and it seems clear, those who test don't do as well/ lose as much/ as fast as those who don't mess around with the rules.  Still people are doing great losing weight, doing their best and feeling way better than before surgery. My mindset is to do as well as I can, learn as I go, and hopefully quit the testing with the help of a therapist so that I can lose as much as possible.  We all have it in us to be compliant, but it seems many still struggle even with the help of the tool, just like we did pre-op.  While I'd rather adhere to the rules, I'm not going to get down on myself for not. Just try to do better, and learn from those who ARE doing better. 

Hey Hon!  I remember being 3 weeks out~ yuck! Not much to chose from, wanting what you see others eat, just to get a taste, ect.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you think you feel the need to test?
I just wanna know as I was one of those who was afraid that if I didn't follow the rules I'd have complications, ruin my new tummy, ruin my chance of losing.  Like I said tho that was my frame of mind and it was torture to watch my kids eat Pizza and all I got was broth!  But some how I made it without testing the waters.  Again, just want to know as each journey is different and we are all unique!
HUGS

For me, I just looked at it like this:  Why would I want to jeapordize my health, well being and my weight loss results after I had worked so hard (for the better part of 9 months) to get approved and prepared for my WLS to then endanger it by not doing as I was told by my bariatric team and my nutritionist. 

-Alan

EXACTLY!!!!!  YOU Alan are going to do amazing (and have already!)!!  That was my mind frame too!  I did what they told me because they are the experts.  But I only ask these questions because not everyone thinks alike.........

Hugs

BRAVO!!!!  Well said!!!! 

Hey- Hugs back. Hope I get to meet you one day.

You know,  I don't know why I have this need to test. I wish I didn't.  I think the head just takes over now, just as it did before surgery.  I know I've seen lots of people comment about how if the surgery could just fix our heads along w/ the tummy. Before surgery,  I thought the fear of puking would keep me from testing, but it hasn't.  Now having had a few times of needing to puke to relieve the pain of feeling food stuck, maybe that fear will start to kick in.

I've always been a sort of finish part way type of gal. If I can get away with doing things 1/2 ass, I do. Definately don't strive for perfection in anything I do.  I don't know that that's bad, I would hate to be on the compulsive other end, but doing things my way I know isn't always in my best interest.  I think part of my mental thing too is where you think of surgery as a gift, and that you're fortunate and grateful to have had it, I don't have the same regard for it I guess.  Again, if I had that, maybe I would be closer to being 100% compliant.

I love seeing everyone's success on here, and it's good reading Amy's food post to get ideas and see how well people are doing compliance wise, or not.  Makes me see what is possible, and that I'm not alone in the non-compliance area. 

*Edited to say, I'm not going to give myself a time out in the corner for my not sticking to the rules 100%.  If I thought this wasn't a place to be honest with feelings and how I'm doing, I wouldn't post, I'd just lurk. I could keep my mouth shut with my little tests, and oops, but that's just not me.(Statements directed to anyone who thinks those who are less like them are LESS in general)

Hey Hon!.....Don't lurk.  We all need to come here and support each other.  I don't know you as well as others so anything I say right now is just to you and doesn't apply to anyone else. 
I would like to know where you are coming from.....as well as others and that is why I posted the questions I did.  SO if you wouldn't mind another question I would like to ask (only to know you and where you are coming from or in anyway if I could help you) the last question over again.  What was your motivation to have WLS?  For example: for me it was because I was obese and health problems were starting to add up and I have 3 precious girls that I would like to see grow up.  That there was motivation for me to have the surgery as all other things failed that I had tried.  Just like I want to be the best mom to my girls, the best wife to my husband and the best ME I can be, I also wanted to be the best for me at WLS.  I was told how I had to change (didn't like the thoughts but knew I had to) and how my body would change if I used the tool they gave me properly.  I was a HUGE pasta eater before surgery and the stuff makes me sick now!  It doesn't bug me anymore  because someone VERY wise on the board here told me: "just because you can't have it now doesn't mean you won't be able to have it later".  So once in a while I try pasta and my body says no so no it is. 
And then there are these thoughts I'd like to share with you also.  My sister (who is only overweight not obese) said to me once "YOU took the easy way out".....YEP THAT ticked me off!  I simply said "hmmm, easy way?  I'd like for you to live 1 day in my shoes and after that tell it I took the easy way.....eating something and my body hurling it out.  Eating something not realizing the sugar content and becoming shaky, ill, sweating, and feeling like I got hit by a truck for a minimum of an hour.  The easy way, yes,  that is not being able to eat one bit over my tums limit without hurting...." at that point my mom broke us up so I didn't get to finish, but ever since she looks at WLS as NOT the easy way out and is now proud of me.  It's not easy but following the rules and reaping the rewards is so worth the little sacrifice!!!
WOW, sorry, guess I am chatty

My motivation is to lose weight, ease the pain in my knees and back, be able to do whatever I want and not have my size hinder me.  Be a great mom for my daughter, healthy & fit.  Plus a bizillion other little reasons.  I wanted the surgery because I've determined I can't do it by myself and I needed a tool. This is definately a tool, but is not a fix it all.  *I* still have to do my part, which I've always struggled with, and hope that I struggle less as time goes on.  With the help of the smaller stomach and some of the negative effects some foods create, I think it's really going to help, but it's not going to do it for me. I don't find myself pushing the limits of how much I can eat.  At this point, its 3/4-1 C at each meal.  Donna said they changed the guidelines about 6 weeks ago, I guess it used to stay 1/2 C alittle longer, and didn't used to move to pureed stage after just 2 weeks. Anyway, I definately stay around 1/2-3/4 C per meal and feel good with that. Sometimes I don't even eat that much because I'm full.  I'm thankful most of the time I'm really not even hungry. What a great tool that is!  I'm gonna justify here, I'm not trying to eat a whole half candy bar, or ice cream.  Yes, I had a finger swipe of frosting from Lauren's 1st birthday cake. Yes, I had a bite of cheesecake on Christmas. Yes I ate a few cheezits.  These little f-ups aren't anything like what my f-ups used to be, thanks to surgery.  I don't see them increasing in how often they happen, or the size of them.
 
People can scold me big time IF I'm *****ing some day about why can't I lose weight. I don't think it's gonna happen though. MARK THIS POST!   I'm confident I'll do great, even with little slip ups.

1) Older Post-ops:  Are you happy where you are?  If not, what are you going to do to get there?

As 2009 means that I'm coming up on my 5 year surgiversary I guess that means I'm an older post-op.  Am I happy where I am - I assume that this is asking about weight - yes I am.  I've finally shed (took 1 whole year) my end-of-marriage bounce pounds.  38lbs in one year (1-2lbs at a time).  I did it by working my tool, following my surgeons plan, and loving myself even though I gained weight.   Am I happy where I am - not related to weight: in many ways yes, and in many ways I have much work to do.  Day by day. . .

2) EVERYONE:  Are you following the rules?  Why not?
As a known goodie-two-shoes, it comes as little surprize that I am following "the rules" that my healthcare team and I established and have continued to develop as cir****tances have changed. I made the choice to live without refined sugars as a post-op.  Simply making that choice - changed my entire relationship with food.  Its not that refined sugars are evil, wrong, or bad - its just that I can't be trusted to live in moderation and sanity when I ingest refined sugar. Well that and the fact that I had more than my share in the 25 years I spent as a sugar-junkie.

3) EVERYONE:  Do you want accountability?  And what exactly does that mean to you?
Accountability to me is being able to look myself in the mirror and know that I'm doing what needs be to be done to live a long, healthy life. Do I want it - sometimes honestly - NO.  But I require it of myself and of those who share my life.  

4) EVERYONE:  What is the motivation that brought you to your WLS journey?  Is that motivation still as strong as it was?  Is that motivation strong enough to keep you on track? 
The motivation that brought me to WLS was watching my mother slowly descend into a prison of her body.  My mother passed away August of 2007, so I can say that it is indeed as strong as it ever was.  The motivation of knowing the true "rewards" for indulging my food addiction involve a slow, agonizing death definately keep me on track.  At 25 I realized that if my life and health were to follow my mom's path, I would have 10 years of health left before severe diabetes would begin.  5 years later I'm back at goal weight (for a 2nd time) and my beloved sister (who turned 35 this past year) got her diabetes right on schedule.  She is deep in contemplation about WLS and her options at this point.  My advice to her is the same as to anyone else considering this surgery - make sure you're ready, try everything else possible first, be prepared to eat less and move more (yep - WLS doesn't exempt us from this oldie but goodie), and finally seek out support from a community of professionals (drs, nutritionists, physical therapists, etc.) and a community of fellow food addicts (thank god for OH and Renewal).  

I wish all peace and love this new year,
~Lara
Lap RNY 4-1-04 
400+/198/Bounce - 236/Currently - 197

PS - Congratulations to you on your journey.