Where did you come from??

I posted this on the LapBand forum today... and figured it may be an interesting one to post here too, since we are such a diverse group of people with different surgeries and experiences.

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"I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past." --Edward Gibbon

In the past few months, my older sister has gained some weight. She has always been good at losing weight whenever it peaked and I have no doubt that she will drop her extra 20 to 30 lbs soon. The spotlight of criticism from my family for lack of 'control' has moved from me to her for the first time in my life. This brought me to a conversation with my mother about "where we came from."

-My sister: in the 160s to 190s during her adult life, age: 31, travels a lot for work, has yo-yo dieted herself up and down for years, had some thyroid issues

-My mom: in the 150s, 160s, 61 years old... has been trying to lose 10 pounds for the last 10 years, grew up in the USSR

So, having these backgrounds, how in the world can any of us rationalize judging each other on our weight loss journeys? I talked to my mom about this and frankly... I stumped her!

So my question to you is... where did you come from? What has been your health experience? I think that if we can see all of our different backgrounds, it will be obvious why our judgements of each other are often without merit, sometimes taken personally and why our journeys are so different.

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My background:

--Overweight since I was about 10 - several years after moving to USA
--Played hockey, gymnastics, softball, karate
--Did WW, weight loss programs, classes, etc.
--Was diagnosed with PCOS in 2007 - have been struggling to maintain it ever since
--Have sprained my ankle 6 times, have a herniated disc and chronic nerve pain in my back
--Grew up in a culture that has a hard time tolerating obesity
--Dealt with a lot of emotional abuse from family due to my obesity
--Top weight: 304lbs   Height: 5'4
--Decided on surgery after many attempts at losing weight and realizing that NOW is the time and that I need HELP


How about you??

My parents are both very ambitious, accomplished demanding people that left me wondering as a child why I what i did and who I am wasn't ever enough for them.  Food became my solace some time in those early years.  However, my first memory of feeling like a fat kid was when I was 7.  By the time I was 10, I weighed 155 lbs.  Chubby through junior high, I grew taller and slimmed down during highschool when I was 6 ft tall and weighed 200 lbs.  I gained about 10 lbs through college and gradually moved up the scale after I got a mostly desk job.  I was 270 lbs in my late 20s and dieted and exercised my way down to 230 lbs by the time I was 30.  I had my first experience with depression at about that time and my weight climbed to 330 lbs by the time I was 40, despite my personal and professional accomplishments during that decade.  I gained and lost the same 60 lbs on Atkins, Body for Life, a health club weight loss challenge, a wellness plan at work, etc over the succeeding 5 years.  I had another serious experience with depression then and my weight proceeded to balloon up to an all time high of 379 lbs a year ago when my doctor put me on another blood pressure medication.  I am now 150 lbs lighter, but worried about regain and another visit from my old nemisis, depression.

RP

I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, and found comfort in food. I have been over weight since about 2 or 3rd grade. My mom was never really "slim", but my weight was always an issue. Even as I got older and both my sisters were over weight, it was never about them, it was always about me. I spent many years worring that she wouldn't love me if I didn't loose weight.

I finally decided on surgery for me! Not for her. I did think about it years ago as a way to make her finally love me, but I think I knew in my heart that I wasn't doing it for the right reasons.

This Thanksgiving and Christmas were the first in a long time when I didn't weigh the most out of my siblings! My sisters both thought it was great, but wondered by my mom didn't say anything to my brother about his weight. (my hope is that she learned that harping on me really didn't work)!

I'm glad that I decided on this journey for me! I'm also very thankful that I found a place like this where others are going through something similar, and we can support each other.

Elena, thank you for posting this topic. It helps to reflect on where we were, and where we are headed!

I came from a family where my dad was always active and always careful of his weight. My mom never had to work but all he asked was for a gourmet dinner every night. Some type of meat, potato and veggie. My favorite part was the starch!! My mom never ate with us but it never occured to my why?? My sister was anorexic. I was always called fat by my maternal grandma and grandpa. I was overweight but was able to keep it under control as I was in dance, gymnastics and diving in HS. As soon as I left to college i gained the freshman 15....or was that 50??? I have yoyo dieted ever since. Been on WW, Jenny Craig, and other doc supervised programs. I also did the starvation and 3 hrs a day working out. Things got even harder when I got thyroid issues.... then diabetes, high BP and high cholesterol. My endometriosis took the life right out of me and then the hysterectomy tacked on more weight. I have always found my way to involve food. I think to disguise myself. Now I am ready for people to see me!!

Top weight 262 Starting weight on this journey 215 Height 5'2

I was the scrawny older sister, my little sister was the cute little chubby tomboy.  My mother is a perfectionist and cares deeply about what other people think.  I was never fat as a child, but as a pre-adolescent I had a little belly.

My dieting started in 6 grade!  Mom enrolled us in "the diet center" which meant icky food and lots of pills.  In high school I cared too much about what a stupid boy thought and lived on plain rice cakes and diet pepsi during my freshman year (he dumped me anyway - turd!).  Then I was borderline anorexic, my mom still not happy .... I was 5'4" and 110lbs soaking wet!  My dad and his family show love with food and just kept asking me to eat.

I finally did as a sr in high school and graduated at what I thought then  a huge 160lbs.  (dork - I can't wait to weigh that now!)  Then I got pregnant the summer after graduation and ate to escape....family stopped bugging me about "finding a man and getting married" once I got really heavy.

Spent 6 yrs alone and fat.  Then another 8 in an emotionally abusive relationship and ate some more.  Topped out at nearly 300 lbs.  Initially considered surgery to eleviate the abuse and safe a relationship not worth saving and ended up saving myself!

Currenly I weigh about 187 and am in a loving relationship with not only my best friend, but with myself! 

Thinking way back in my childhood, I had some cousins/aunts that were on the hefty side. I wouldn't call them large/fat. These were woman who worked the farm in many ways. Food products were different and a lot of starches were ate.

My Mom was thin as a rail until she hit about 42. Then like over night she became a bigger woman, grandmas was always sewing her new clothes.  Nothing had really changed in the house except for the fact she was most likely in menopause.

As I grew older. I had my 4th child and came home from the hospital 110 pounds dripping wet in a size 7 jeans. I put my weight on about age 30. I woke up one morning to get ready for work and had nothing to wear. I called in sick and had to go buy my first pair of sweat pants and tennis shoes.

Within 2 weeks I had put on 20 pounds. The scales kept climbing. I had not increased my eating, I was not depressed,life was good, kids were good etc.... The doctor did testing and said I was in "Pre" Menopause.

Yes, history was repeating itself. Over the yrs ahead I continued to put on weight. I would join programs,have some success, fall off, gain etc.. You know the drill.

Four years ago, my Mother had ovarian cancer ( it is a cancer that runs in the females of our family) and under went chemo. She lost her hair,won the battle and lost all her additional weight. She looks wonderful and still cancer free. She is 79 yrs old and works full time to this day!

2000 I was injured at work and it required back surgery. That put a damper on life for a long time. No exercise etc... This cleared up and I was able to get out and move again. I would walk miles 3 to 4 times a week, life was looking up!

2007 Back went out! Walking with a cane. Quality of life down the drain again. My SO said he thought I would benefit from RNY and suggested I look into it. I am glad I did. He has stood/Sat/Held me through this whole process.

That is where I came from.  The direction I am heading is to the best life I can have in a skinny body!
Kelly/tink

I grew up active and played sports most of my life; (volleyball, basketball, etc)  I never had to worry about what I ate becuase I wore it off.   I went to college to play ball on a scholarship and had a great freshman year.  Got pregnant that summer with my high school sweetheart and quit college.  I gained 72 lbs with the pregnancy and I have never made it back to my weight prior to baby. (145lbs).  I was 18 years old.
Well my baby is 23 years old this month and I still haven't lost the "baby weight". 

I love my life and seriously the only thing I would want to change is my weight, but I wasn't doing anything about it.

Symptoms/Weight problems
- High cholesterol
- High Blood pressure this past year
-arthirtis behind Knee caps.
-plantar fascitits

Anything can be mine in 2009
Thanks for the post Elena - great idea!!

I've been pondering this post for the better part of the day, and I'm honestly not sure I know where I came from.  I mean, my medical/family history is a crap shoot, as I was adopted as an infant.  So I have no clue what's in my genes.

My parents (the only ones I know) were the BEST anyone could ever hope for!  We lived in a nice neighborhood, took some nice vacations, I have been happy as long as I remember, EXCEPT for being fat - and the teasing that went along with it.  Hell, mom had me enrolled in Weigh****chers in 2nd grade, if you can believe that!!!  A 7 year old, going to Weigh****chers.  Needless to say, it didn't work.  Did for my mom, not for me.  I just got bigger and bigger as I got older and older.  I honestly think I just enjoyed food WAYYYY too much, and had a stomach stretched out to accommodate ginormous servings of whatever the hell I wanted.  But always, I've enjoyed life - canoe trips, music, friends - although of course, no boyfriends.  Not until college.  Great jobs, had my own apartment for a while, then a great roommate, then a different great roommate, met Rich and got married at 28 - weighing 260 (I'm 5'11"). 

Had Bailey at 30, Travis at 34, and had somehow managed to gain more than 100 pounds in there somewhere.  At one point, I was frighteningly close to 400, although I'm pretty sure I never quite got there.  Still, life was good - except for being fat, never having any decent clothes to wear (unless you LIKE floral muu-muu type tops!).  Then when my dad's health started going downhill, so did mine.  Diabetes, elevated bp, cholesterol, thyroid, and the chronic pain I have from being broad-sided in 1996 got worse, and worse - lower back, left leg/knee. 

When I realized that I had accepted an early death as my fate, I had a wake-up moment.  WTF???  I was only in my early 40's!  I had 2 precious kids that would be needing me for a good, long time!  Was it acceptable to die prematurely because I was FAT???   

So here I am.  Happier in many ways, off all meds except synthroid and my WLS supplements.  Whole new set of friends who understand where I've been, who I plan to hang onto for dear life!