I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

Ok so as most of you know my mom is against my surgry! Well tonight on my facebook status I put how excited I am that I am only 14 days away from surgry. (my mom has facebook and she is my friend so she saw it)  My mom came walkin through the living room sayin you know that there was just a lady who died 2 months after havin surgry. And my responce is that someone just died from havin their tonsials taken out she said that dieing from tonsials gettin taken out is not as common as dieing from weight loss diet surgry. Then she proceeded to ask me how I was goin to pay for it cuz when she broke her nose and had to have surgry on it she had to pay 10% a month and was like can you afford to pay $350 a month right now (which if thats what it comes down to then I can't afford that) but what I was told is that all the money that I have been payin for my co pays and what not have counted towards my out of pocket and she claims that they don't blah blah. And then to make it twice as bad she said well I hope that you don't plan on your dad or I helping you cuz we are not goin to pay for it. I said thanks but I was never goin to ask nor did I ever expect that they would. And I said I never expected your support anyway and she said no I can't support somthing that I don't believe in to many people have gained back their weight its not a fix and there are to many complications and risks. I'm beyond frustrated I know that there are but she won't even take the time to listen to the sucess stories. I have done EVERYTHING that people have sugested that I do I've invited her to doctors meetings I have invited her to my theripist apointments. I have given her the OH website so she can look around and she will have nothing to do with any of it I CAN'T take my mothers non suport anymore I am not goin to back out becasue of her but I just wish that she would just keep her mouth shut then if she can't support me I can't handle it anymore!!!!
~Valerie~

Valerie:

As much as we want and need people we care about to support our decisions, sometimes they do not.  Sometimes they eventually come around, sometimes they don't.  The thing is that you have made a courageous decision for yourself.  That alone gives you power and strength that you may not have realized you possessed.  I had some unsupportive people in my life, too.  I decided to set up an informal support system here on OH and arranged to see a baratric psychologist for the first year of my journey to deal with bumps in the emotional road along the way.  It seems to me that you have done enough with your folks to bring them on board your support system and they are not up to the challenge.  As hard as it might be, my advice is to set up a support network that does not depend on them.  You know, I hope they do come around, but no matter what, you need support, with them or without them.  The other thing I did as a matter of self-protection is to gently push away from the negative people in my life, both in my personal and profesional lives.  That is really hard to do with peole to whom you are related or with people yo have considered to be your friends.  You will have enough to handle with the physical and emotional challenges ahead of you to be distracted by negative people......you don't have to be nasty, but it is important to stay focused on your own needs in the months after surgery.  I wish I could make things better or easier for you.

Take care,

RP

Thanks for the kind words!! I too have decided that I am goin to count on my support from my OH family I would be lost with out you all!! I am goin to a pschologist weekly and she specializes in eatin disorders (she helped me get my emotional eating and nee for food control (which also stems from my mother) under control have been free from both emotional and control eatin now for 3 years!!) Again thanks for your kind words!!
~Valerie~

Big ole hugs to you Valerie ~

Sorry your mom is not on board with you, but in the end its YOU that matters.  Write down all the good things that will come of this and put it in a letter to her explaining that you would appreciate all positive support she can give and that if she cant give positive support then dont give any at all...?  Also mentioning that you appreciate her concern but you have done your research and this is the route you are taking to better you..

This is what I would tell my mom..

TAKE CARE OF YOU...

ps.  co-pays do get counted against your out-of-pocket with my insurance (BCBS).  EXAMPLE:  I had many appts and 2 surgeries (female) this year and paid many co-pays.. Got a check back from the U of M for one of them cause I had gone over my Out Of Pocket..

Thanks for the letter idea I did try the letter thing and it was no use. And I thought that about the co-pays too I haven't had the time to call the insurance company but it is my first thing on the list! Thanks for the hug!!
~Valerie~

Valerie,

I know all too well about Non supportive parents.........It hurts.......Just remember your doing this for you.....To be healthy.....Maybe in time when they see you have your health and that you've lost your weight they will except it......

Sometimes taking a break from family helps........You need to feel good going into surgery not depressed......Have you came to a coffee get together yet? If you haven't try to make it to one BEFORE surgery......We can answer any questions and give you ALL the support you need......K?

Where are you having your surgery? Do you have an angel yet?

Hugs to you, Kelly

I would LOVE to come to a coffe but I am in winona thats 2 and a half hours away :(
I am Havin my surgry at Gundersen Luthern in LaCrosse Wisconsin and its on Feb 4th!!
And Darla has agreed to be my Angel! Thanks for all the support I have said it before and will say it as long as I can speak I am SO thankful for my "OH" family I would be lost without all of you thanks!!!
~Valerie~

I really think that you need to think about YOU and what is best for YOU. My mother was against it the first time I was going to do this. One of the reasons (there were others) I did not go through with it the first time around was because of her thoughts about this surgery. Most people only hear about the bad stuff and seldom the good stuff about this surgery. So its understandable why they would worry. Afterall we are their kids and they love us and don't want anything bad to happen to us. But, with all that said I regret not doing this sooner. Its my life and I need to take control of my future. Mom's eventually come around mine did. Not to say that she never freaks out if I get sick but, she see's how different my life is now and is so happy for me.

At the end of the day its your life so you need to do what is best for YOU!!!

Best wishes and so sorry you have to deal with this so close to your sugery. I agree with others get to a coffee you will feel love and support.

I can SO relate with not goin through with it the first time cuz of the mother thats my story if I would have been like I am now and went through with it I would be 4 years out right now (makes me kind of mad at myself that I let her control me like that but owell) Thanks for all the support!!
~Valerie~

Hia!! Hang in there. I say God doesn't give us more than we can handle!! He gave you the approval to get this tool to help yourself get healthy!! I think once your parents see you getting healthier you will see them ease up. You may even see that as soon as you are out of the hospital and they realize things are going to be ok. You are their daughter and I am sure they don't wanna lose you!! Are you staying at home for your recovery?? or do you have a friend you can stay with??