More Deep Thoughts...

I'm usually a lurker, but reading these reminded me of this . . .

I was overweight even as a child.  In fourth grade gym class one day we played a game of tag and the rule was that when you caught someone you had to lift them up.  Are you kidding me?!  I feigned a stomach ache and went to the nurses office. 

Here's the other thing I was thinking about today - there is not one moment of any day that I forget I'm fat - not one moment.  I don't know what that means but I wonder if anyone has noticed that . . .

I too had a child voice the obvious when I was on vacation with my family-
" Dad she has a big butt."  I was so embarrassed I kept walking, hoping my family had not heard that but I am sure they did  

And another time I was trying to water ski- I couldn't get up- but  worse was I was so exhasuted I couldn't pull my own weight up to get in the boat- But Even Worse neither could my husband pull me up- so I had to hang on to the side of the boat until we got back to the dock  it was mortifying.

I've broken several toilet seats at my house, and one at my parents. While they are family and totally understanding, and blew it off completely, it was very embarassing.  Now I'm afraid to sit on toilet seats at other peoples' houses for fear of being mortified if it should break. I usually limit the amount of liquid I drink to reduce the chance of having to go pee, or at least reduce the number of times I go.  I can't wait not to be afraid of that any more.  

Along the same vein, I'm terrified of sitting in any lawn chair / deck chair unless it's made very solidly. The plastic woven ones scare me the most. I feel like I'll sink right through.  I jpredict this summer I won't be quite so leary. YEAH!!!

I agree I love you makin me think and I enjoy hearin everyone elses stories I think that it makes us closer cuz we can identify with outhers.
I to am scared to sit in any seat unless I know it is stable I hate chairs with arms cuz I know I won't fit into them or if I can slide into them my fat will be spillin out the sides of it. I have had many many remarks from kids about my weight and thats what hurts me the most. My "nephew" acutally said somthing really cute the other day we were explainin to him about my surgry (he is 7) and he said but Valerie I like huggin you like this and I said I have to do it to be healthy and then he was like well I want you to be healthy. Then my rings don't fit anymore since I've los****er weight and what not so we were shoppin and I asked my mom to hold my rings since I didn't have pockets Justen goes Valerie does that mean your gettin smaller and I looked at him and I was like well ya I supose his responce was thats good cuz I don't want you to be big anymore cuz to many people say mean stuff about you and that makes me sad. I wanted to sit and cry. I think that just peoples heartless commments is what motifys me the most I had a kid in 2nd grade tell me it looks like my face got hit with a garbage truck but it didn't want to run over me cuz he would have to much fat all over his truck. Oh I would love to show him how good I look in a year!!

Valerie,

I think YOU are ready now!!!!!!!!!!!! You are seeing the future as it WILL be because you are making it be the way YOU want it to be!! You are officially (in my opinion) well on the launching pad for the ride of your life!!! Buckle your seatbelt and FLY. You have sprouted your wings. The tone of your words is hopeful and energetic.

Karen

Good thought Darla I have a mortifying story that happened about 5/6 years ago. Its incredibly embarrassing.. This happened when I was at my all time highest weight.

I was in the controller of my companys office (at the time) with my boss and the controller (he was my bosses boss). The controller had these guest chairs that were made only for the world of thin people. Each time I sat in these chair I was terrified that I would break them. I always focused on me and the chair and less of what we were talking about. Well, this day it was a long meeting and I could begin to feel my legs to start falling asleep due to the lack of circulation as this chair was cutting off my legs. Okay so now I'm trying to extend this meeting in hopes that soon both of my legs would wake up. That did not work they were done and I could not stall anymore. I stood up and both of my legs just gave out because they are still sleeping. I feel backwards on my bum into his file cabinet. I could not get up for a while because my legs were still sleeping. I was so embrassed and they were both completely stunned. Obviously they were both worried about me. They were great about I was horrified.

This motivated me to lose weight. I then did LA Weight Loss and lost 100lbs. It made a world of difference in those chairs. Now I'm even smaller and he does not have those chairs anymore so I can't try those now.

UGH that was a horrbile moment in my life.

I had a woman come to the table I was at having a rummage sale and she was an older petite woman and she looked through the clothing and said to me is this all there is all fat clothes.
I wanted to tell her there was a keebler table down the block, tisk, tisk. I think she had what I call little woman syndrome (fat-a-phobic) would hate to see if she had any children with weight issues. i've met people through life that are so afraid of weight gain and getting larger which is ok if you don't have the negative vibes behind those thoughts.

I have two that stand out in my mind:

1) A few months before my mom died, I was home to visit from Chicago. I noticed she hadn't hugged me all weekend. I asked her why. She told me I was too "squishy." I cried immediately. We finally worked it out. (My mom had been anorexic her entire life, even if it was just the mindset and not complete food deprivation.) I feel bad telling this story because I don't want anyone to judge my mom. She was my best friend and very loving and supportive. I miss her so much. She just had major weight issues in her head.

2) I went in for an interview as a law clerk at a Chicago firm. This firm hired lots of law students to work for them. When I went in the firm, all of the law clerks (like 8) were girls, none of which topped 130 pounds. Even though I did my best in the interview, I knew there was now way I was getting the job. Even though they were really excited about me when they talked to me on the phone, they really didn't seem like they wanted to continue the interview.

Mine also took place at Timber Lodge a waitress who asked if we wanted a booth or table and we said booth (I'd been there many times and knew I just barely fit) and the waitress looked at me and in a snotty way said are you sure you don't want a table and my husband oblibvious to what she was getting at said no we want a booth.  Again she asked if we were sure and the waitress wasn't being polite the way she was asking this so I  I confronted her about what she was getting at and she just looked me up and down and turned to her co-worker she was training and mumbled loud enough for me to hear "fat people can't fit in the booths".  At that point I was not only embarassed but outraged this waitress was acting like this so I stormed out of the resturant my husband was still clueless about what happened until I explained it in the car.  I never went back to that resturant location but I have been to other locations and I do think their booths are smaller than most but proud to say I fit with lots of room to spare now.