Hubby not sure he wants me to have surgery

Need some advice. My hubby doesn't want me to have surgery. I have my surgeon consult on March 3rd. I have gone to 5 dietician appointments. He says he thinks I should just try harder. Or maybe I am taking the easy way out. My pancreas is down to 20%. I don't want my pancreas to get worse. I am sure my hubby is worried about complications. But the complications are pretty major from diabetes also. So--any advice? What if he decides he doesn't want me to have it. He has said you know you have 5 kids to raise.
Sharin 

This is a tough one... but I think I'd hit him with the facts.. show him the facts about morbidity races, complication rates, etc. Then find facts about diabetes and how that can ruin a person's life.

I think more relatives get a little scared... especially when the time creeps up closer to surgery.

Another suggestion is to take him to a bariatric support group where he can see 'real living' people who have been successful with WLS.

Hi there,
  I am single and really dont have a significant other to have the concern about.  I was concerned about it myself until I met with the surgeon.  He totally calmed my nerves about the whole thing.  Also, this support site has done wonders.  Maybe have him read some of the diary logs of others journeys, I read them everynight and it sure helps me.   Maybe he could come with to a consult with  the doc?     Hope all goes well. 

Sharin-

I'd really encourage him to look at the Spouse board on OH and get some of his fears out.  Sit down and have an honest discussion about why he doesn't want you to have surgery.  This is NOT the easy way out.  It is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever make.  Take your hubby to the consultation with you- let him hear first hand what your surgeon has to say.

When I had surgery 7 months ago I was a brittle diabetic with a A1C of 11.4 (and nothing I did could bring it down), taking 220 units of insulin, 60 units of an insulin sensitizer and 2 oral anti-diabetics per day.  I now have an A1C of 6.4 (at 3 months post-op, will have another test done in a few weeks) and take 10 units of Lantus Insulin.  I can't undo the damage that diabetes did to my body pre-op, but I know I won't make my complications worse. 

This journey is the best thing I have done for my long time health.  Hopefully when your hubby sees that there is life beyond this surgery and how much better you will feel and how proud your kids will be of you for taking your life back.

Good Luck-  feel free to PM me about my post surgery diabetes management.

Reenie

Hi Sharin.....I can understand your husband's fears. Please give him all the information you can. Have him attend support groups with you.
This surgery saves many more lives then it ever takes!! You can die sooner just because of obesity and all the health issues that it can cause.

I wish you the very best!

Hugs...connie d

I thought about WLS for years, and DH always said I could do it on my own. Well, I knew I couldn't, but after years of not doing it I decided it's time. He came with me to the info session which I think helped.  If he didn't attend the info session with you, how about attending another with him, just so he can hear all the benefits first hand?  Or if there isn't one before your consult, have him go with you. 

Don't make the mistake I did, waiting years to have the surgery. I wish I would have a long time ago.  And the fact that you've got 5 kids, even more a reason to have the surgery if it will help your current health issues.  I think some spouses use the "complication" possibility as an excuse for you not to have the surgery, when in reality that's not really their honest concern.  If he has the facts and hears them from a medical professional especially, I would hope he would have a better understanding of why this is the right choice for your health & your family.

You have to remember that you need to do what is best for you!! My husband was on board until he starting watching those shows on TV and actually saw the surgery he was scare for me. He was scare of complications. But, I was very clear with him that I needed to do this for me and my future whether he liked it our not. The best thing to do is to continue to educate him and bring him to appointments. My husband would agree now that he is very happy I did this! I did have complications in the beginning but even still this was the best thing for me, my son, and my husband!!!

Best wishes to you!

Sharin:

It's really about trading one set of risks for another.  The long-term health risks associated with morbid obesity and diabetes are well known and pretty damned scary.  Major surgery risks are also scary, but I decided that I was willing to take the short-term surgical risk for just the hope that I could significantly improve my health long-term.  Never having had surgery before (and being a man), I was scared spitless, so I worked very hard at my pre-surgery weight loss program of diet and exercise and I made sure that I went to a bariatric center of excellence for my surgery.  I lost 60 lbs in the 4 months prior to surgery and 90 lbs in the 8 months since surgery.  I have thus far had no complications.  I feel better than I have in 20 years and my blood pressure problems went away completely.  The surgery gamble paid off for me and it is a risk I would take again.

While you need to consider your husband's point of view, in the end it is your health that you need to think about most.  I had to decide if surgery was the right option for me, just like you need to decide if it is the right thing for you....don't let anyone else, even your husband, make that decision for you.  In the event that you decide to have surgery and he isn't supportive of your decision, then you will have to deal with relationship issues on top of surgery, which is not uncommon, particularly for women in your position.

To help bring him along with your way of thinking, drag him to pre-surgery informational meetings and support group meetings for people who have already had surgery (we don't bite....usually, and then only when asked).  Also, work your pre-surgery weight loss plan as hard as you can and practice post-surgery behaviors (1/2 hour/day of exercise, protein first, 1/2 gallon of water per day, supplements, not drinking with meals, chewing your food really well, etc) to make things easier down the road.

Good luck,

RP

Hi Sharin -

I would start by telling your DH that those 5 kids are the number ONE reason to HAVE the surgery!  To do whatever you can to assure that you are around for them for a good, long time! 

Yes, there are risks.  They are tiddly-winks compared to the risks of morbid obesity!  And in addition to the health weight loss can bring you, HAPPINESS is a big plus, too!  It's not all peachy-keen, we still have head issues - hunger, shar-pei skin, yada yada yada...  but it's been proven many times over that un-assisted weight loss is more likely to result in weight GAIN in the long run.

If you are ready to commit yourself to WLS and making it work, then beg him to come with you on March 3rd.  To bring his questions, to try to educate himself, so that he can be the supportive spouse you NEED to be successful! 

And if you can get to a coffee with him, you'll have ALL KINDS of living proof of what it can do for you, complete with before & after pictures - real people that will be right there before you!