Wondering if I can really do this??
Hi Linda - MOM OF 3!
I've asked myself the same question sweetheart and the day before I got the phone call that I was approved for surgery I asked my mom to go to lunch with me as I was having some huge anxiety about going through with this.
It's was a "light bulb" lunch for to say the least. My anxiety was stemming from the fact that "how can I be successful at this when I've never been successful before?" - It scared me to no end to think that I might fail at such a drastic measure. My mom asked me a lot of questions about how I was feeling and why and we got down to the route of the problem. My route is in all of my "failed" attempts I was very scared to "fail" again. To go through the shame, guilt and embarrassment of dissapointing my family and all who love me but mostly myself.
I like most people on here have tried pretty much everything to lose weight. The past few years though I really haven't put any effort into it to spare myself the embarrassment. At lunch when the light bulb moment hit me - it was a shear moment of clarity. I've failed at every other attempt simply because when I've fallen off the wagon/program I've failed to get back on. Thinking that when I fell it was 1000 feet to the bottom and it was just too hard to climb back up and get back on the wagon. When in reality the fall is just a couple a feet and to get back on is just one step!
When I realized this, I had a new found determination to make this work for me and to go in with the mind set that if and when I fall, I will get back on. This is a program and there are times when I and most people will faulter with the "rules". My goal is to not beat myself up and just take a step up the next day or meal and get back on the program. I/we are our own worst enemy, we call ourselves names that we would never ever allow someone else to call us or someone we love. We need to stop this terrible cycle and realize we are human and we will make mistakes but the true victory in all of this is not beating ourselves up and loving ourselves enough to get back on the wagon!
It will be okay Linda and I strongly suggest a therapist of some sort to help you to see the root of the issues you face. I was against a therapist a few years ago thinking it showed a sign of weakness for me boy was I wrong!
Keep coming here Linda and find a local support group to see you through this - I have found this site ever so helpful!
I've asked myself the same question sweetheart and the day before I got the phone call that I was approved for surgery I asked my mom to go to lunch with me as I was having some huge anxiety about going through with this.
It's was a "light bulb" lunch for to say the least. My anxiety was stemming from the fact that "how can I be successful at this when I've never been successful before?" - It scared me to no end to think that I might fail at such a drastic measure. My mom asked me a lot of questions about how I was feeling and why and we got down to the route of the problem. My route is in all of my "failed" attempts I was very scared to "fail" again. To go through the shame, guilt and embarrassment of dissapointing my family and all who love me but mostly myself.
I like most people on here have tried pretty much everything to lose weight. The past few years though I really haven't put any effort into it to spare myself the embarrassment. At lunch when the light bulb moment hit me - it was a shear moment of clarity. I've failed at every other attempt simply because when I've fallen off the wagon/program I've failed to get back on. Thinking that when I fell it was 1000 feet to the bottom and it was just too hard to climb back up and get back on the wagon. When in reality the fall is just a couple a feet and to get back on is just one step!
When I realized this, I had a new found determination to make this work for me and to go in with the mind set that if and when I fall, I will get back on. This is a program and there are times when I and most people will faulter with the "rules". My goal is to not beat myself up and just take a step up the next day or meal and get back on the program. I/we are our own worst enemy, we call ourselves names that we would never ever allow someone else to call us or someone we love. We need to stop this terrible cycle and realize we are human and we will make mistakes but the true victory in all of this is not beating ourselves up and loving ourselves enough to get back on the wagon!
It will be okay Linda and I strongly suggest a therapist of some sort to help you to see the root of the issues you face. I was against a therapist a few years ago thinking it showed a sign of weakness for me boy was I wrong!
Keep coming here Linda and find a local support group to see you through this - I have found this site ever so helpful!
You are sooooooo right! About the failure, I know that failure at this too is why I haven't told too many people about my surgery, I just told my step mom ( closest person to a mom I have) on Sunday and I still wasn't sure I wanted to tell her, but figured I should ( I let her tell my dad) I am soooooo scared of failure AGAIN!!!! I want this to work, I need this to work, but that's what I said the other times too!! But this time I am going to have all of you guys here to support me and I am gonna try to find some support group close to me, that will be the difference from all the other failed attempts. Thanks so much for sharing all this with me!! It really has made a diference!!!!!
I totally hear what both of you are saying! I haven't told many people at all, I even lied to my boss today. I said I was having a "private/female surgery." I know he won't ask more now!! I am so afraid of failing AGAIN. I realized recently with my therapist that I have so much shame wrapped up into my weight loss failures that I am afraid of failing again and being the one person this surgery doesn't work for! I have turned a corner, thanks to all of the fabulous people at The Depot this past Sat. I am now excited and looking forward to my surgery and changing my life. When I got there, all I could think about was the what if's. Thank you to all of you! Good luck to you!
Isn't it something - how we feel, look and talk to ourselves! You don't have to believe in a certain higher power to know that the gift of life is a miracle. We, all of us on this board are miracles and we are not made by mistake. We have traveled down this bumpy road of obesity for a reason and we have been led to this site, this group, this surgery also for a reason. We may never know what exactly that reason is but there is a purpose to our lives, to our struggles and to our triumph!
We will get through it one way or another and come out on the other side with a clearer vision of what our life means.
So I know that was extremely deep - I'm in that mood this AM I guess but some times I write what I need to tell myself over and over again.
We will get through it one way or another and come out on the other side with a clearer vision of what our life means.
So I know that was extremely deep - I'm in that mood this AM I guess but some times I write what I need to tell myself over and over again.
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