WLS surgery reactions from friends/co-workers
So I'm pretty private about my weight. Or at least I have been in the past. It's one of those things that I got teased about since I was young, and what can I say....those defense walls go up. WAY UP!
I am happy, excited and 100% comfortable with my decision to get the lap band. I have tried and failed everything else, and I need a tool to really help me. I think this is going to do it.
Anyways, I have been talking about the upcoming surgery with my family and a few of my close friends. Most of them are very very supportive and excited for me to the point they get tears in their eyes they are so happy.
That being said, I have experienced some comments that came as a surprise. One of my close friends who honestly probably has 100-150 lbs to lose said "I don't know how you could do that to yourself go under the knife....and then having to throw up all the time'
and I had a co-worker say, "Wow you decided to take the easy way out, huh? You just need to jog more"
I have never taken the easy way out. I wanted to tell my co-worker to strap on an extra 150 pounds on their back and go for a jog.
It makes me not want to talk about it anymore with many people. But honestly when I start losing weight I'm sure it will be noticed.
How did/do you handle it, or did you experience these kinds of comments?
I am happy, excited and 100% comfortable with my decision to get the lap band. I have tried and failed everything else, and I need a tool to really help me. I think this is going to do it.
Anyways, I have been talking about the upcoming surgery with my family and a few of my close friends. Most of them are very very supportive and excited for me to the point they get tears in their eyes they are so happy.
That being said, I have experienced some comments that came as a surprise. One of my close friends who honestly probably has 100-150 lbs to lose said "I don't know how you could do that to yourself go under the knife....and then having to throw up all the time'
and I had a co-worker say, "Wow you decided to take the easy way out, huh? You just need to jog more"
I have never taken the easy way out. I wanted to tell my co-worker to strap on an extra 150 pounds on their back and go for a jog.
It makes me not want to talk about it anymore with many people. But honestly when I start losing weight I'm sure it will be noticed.
How did/do you handle it, or did you experience these kinds of comments?
I am only a few days out from surgery so I can not address your question of "how do you handle it" but I think "going under the knife" and trying to make yourself healthier and happier is an awesome thing to do and hardly "the easy way out". I have only told a portion of my family as I am private too. I guess I wanted to respond to your post because I think what your doing takes courage and dedication and if some people are less than supportive, it says more about them than you. Good luck with your upcoming surgery and I am your cheerleader for sure.
I had RNY but here are my thoughts on this subject (which you will see I'm very passionate about!)
I remember the first person who made a comment that didn't exactly state that I was taking the easy way out, but did suggest it, was the first person to apologize for ever thinking it was the easy way out.
Please... someone tell me how easy it is to stop drinking soda and carbonated beverages, FOREVER, to stop drinking coffee, FOREVER, to give up most sugars and carbs, to obsess with getting enough protein, taking 20-30 minutes to chew your 1 1/2 cup of food, to not drink 30 minutes before, during, or 30 minutes after a meal, and to make sure you are eating every 4-5 hours*. That's not even counting reaching the pre-op weight and having the actual surgery. Easy?! YEAH RIGHT!
Every time I felt like someone was giving me the "I feel sorry for you because you couldn't do it on your own and had to take the easy way out" look or speech, I reminded myself how hard I have worked- before the surgery and after- to get to where I am. I remind myself how hard I struggled to lose the pre-op weight and the binges, tears and self-loathing along the way. I remind myself of my life before surgery and how much more I am living life now each and every day. When I think of all these things, I instantly forget the judgmental attitudes of other people and I just smile. Then I will either sweetly answer their questions or politely change the subject.
No one will ever make me regret my decision. I did this for me. As you lose the weight, people will see that you are truly happier and healthier and will back off- at least that's what happened for me. Don't even worry about those people. Focus on yourself and all the possibilities that lie ahead of you!
Hope this helps... sorry I got up on my soapbox
*This rules are from my hospital (Fairview Southdale) and are by no means the general rules for life after surgery. Follow what your nutritionist says and figure out what works for you.
I remember the first person who made a comment that didn't exactly state that I was taking the easy way out, but did suggest it, was the first person to apologize for ever thinking it was the easy way out.
Please... someone tell me how easy it is to stop drinking soda and carbonated beverages, FOREVER, to stop drinking coffee, FOREVER, to give up most sugars and carbs, to obsess with getting enough protein, taking 20-30 minutes to chew your 1 1/2 cup of food, to not drink 30 minutes before, during, or 30 minutes after a meal, and to make sure you are eating every 4-5 hours*. That's not even counting reaching the pre-op weight and having the actual surgery. Easy?! YEAH RIGHT!
Every time I felt like someone was giving me the "I feel sorry for you because you couldn't do it on your own and had to take the easy way out" look or speech, I reminded myself how hard I have worked- before the surgery and after- to get to where I am. I remind myself how hard I struggled to lose the pre-op weight and the binges, tears and self-loathing along the way. I remind myself of my life before surgery and how much more I am living life now each and every day. When I think of all these things, I instantly forget the judgmental attitudes of other people and I just smile. Then I will either sweetly answer their questions or politely change the subject.
No one will ever make me regret my decision. I did this for me. As you lose the weight, people will see that you are truly happier and healthier and will back off- at least that's what happened for me. Don't even worry about those people. Focus on yourself and all the possibilities that lie ahead of you!
Hope this helps... sorry I got up on my soapbox
*This rules are from my hospital (Fairview Southdale) and are by no means the general rules for life after surgery. Follow what your nutritionist says and figure out what works for you.
You will find there are people who you are better off just not "going there" with. People have their pre-conceived notions about what this WLS is all about, but the truth of the matter is they just don't get it. (Having to throw up all the time? Obviously, she hasn't a clue...)
I had a minor melt-down not quite a year ago about how this is NOT the easy way out - feel free to read it. Might give you a few more thoughts to chew on.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/MN/3633332/I-MUST-be-PMSin g-long/
I had a minor melt-down not quite a year ago about how this is NOT the easy way out - feel free to read it. Might give you a few more thoughts to chew on.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/MN/3633332/I-MUST-be-PMSin g-long/
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Therese W. has deleted this message.
Darla,
I read the post you linked to. BRAVO!! It dawned on me as I was reading it that the people who think surgery is the 'easy way out' are probably the same people that thing we're overweight because we're lazy and have no self control! People like that don't deserve the time it takes to get upset about their comments.
I have met so many wonderful, supportive people here it makes the journey easier, for sure, but not easy, by any means! I feel very lucky in that most people I've told about this are very supportive, with one notable exception (that's for another time). I truly feel like I can do this now, even though I had doubts at first.
THANK YOU to everyone here, those that post and those that lurk, you are what makes this journey easier on all of us!
I read the post you linked to. BRAVO!! It dawned on me as I was reading it that the people who think surgery is the 'easy way out' are probably the same people that thing we're overweight because we're lazy and have no self control! People like that don't deserve the time it takes to get upset about their comments.
I have met so many wonderful, supportive people here it makes the journey easier, for sure, but not easy, by any means! I feel very lucky in that most people I've told about this are very supportive, with one notable exception (that's for another time). I truly feel like I can do this now, even though I had doubts at first.
THANK YOU to everyone here, those that post and those that lurk, you are what makes this journey easier on all of us!
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this - AND SO CAN YOU!!
Therese
I know how you feel. I am not really one to share my weight either, but going through this journey and blogging it so that others will be able to read it, I share it just so they have an understanding of where I'm starting and where I'm heading. Having WLS is a big step in my life, and I'm very happy I made it. It's a tool that will definitely help us.
I also got the "easy way out" comment. It was from someone who I thought was a friend and obviously is not. I tried to explain to her that this in NO way is the easy way out -- I will have to change my life, my eating habits, everything. Her comment to that was, "Can't you just try harder and stick to other things longer?" I think if she wasn't that good of a friend, I probably would have punched her. We grew up together and she knew what it was like for me and all the things that I've gone through, then for her to be such a ***** like this? 'scuse the French, but ignorant people who make assumptions like this about WLS BEFORE knowing the facts and everything that is involved really makes me mad. There are a few others that I've told who also told me that having WLS was a drastic measure and that I should continue trying other things. Well, other things haven't worked for me so that's why I'm where I am now. Duh! LOL And you are right, the ones *****act in this way are usually the ones who have never had a weight problem and have no idea what it's like to carry all the excess weight. Just for one day, hell, one HOUR I'd love them to have to walk in my shoes and then tell me that this is not a good decision for me. I'm one to open my big mouth and tell them what I really think, so when I get these kind of comments, I tend to tell them like it is and tell them that if they don't agree with my decision or what I'm doing to improve my life, then there is no reason for them to be a part of it. I know it's kind of harsh, but if they are going to be negative when you first tell them what's happening, chances are they will be negative the whole time. But that's not always the case either -- they may finally understand what is going on and that this is a difficult thing for someone to do, and apologize and want to help.
Then on the other hand, I do have family and friends that I have told that have checked in on me to see how things are going and have been really supportive. The one good thing about this is, well, no matter what, your family may not understand it but they will be there for you and through this whole process, I have really found out who my true friends are and even later on down the road I will find out as well. I have friends who don't talk to me now because they don't feel this was a good decision for me to make, well it's my decision, I made it, it's what I wanted. I'm just thankful for the ones who are sticking with me and being supportive and helping me through this.
I really love this website and the people here. When I, and possibly others, feel like there is no one around us who understands what we are going through, we have a place to turn to. We have people to talk to who are going through the same things we are, who are very friendly and encouraging. You'll find a lot of awesome people on here.
Good luck to you with the Lapband! :) My novel is done....
I also got the "easy way out" comment. It was from someone who I thought was a friend and obviously is not. I tried to explain to her that this in NO way is the easy way out -- I will have to change my life, my eating habits, everything. Her comment to that was, "Can't you just try harder and stick to other things longer?" I think if she wasn't that good of a friend, I probably would have punched her. We grew up together and she knew what it was like for me and all the things that I've gone through, then for her to be such a ***** like this? 'scuse the French, but ignorant people who make assumptions like this about WLS BEFORE knowing the facts and everything that is involved really makes me mad. There are a few others that I've told who also told me that having WLS was a drastic measure and that I should continue trying other things. Well, other things haven't worked for me so that's why I'm where I am now. Duh! LOL And you are right, the ones *****act in this way are usually the ones who have never had a weight problem and have no idea what it's like to carry all the excess weight. Just for one day, hell, one HOUR I'd love them to have to walk in my shoes and then tell me that this is not a good decision for me. I'm one to open my big mouth and tell them what I really think, so when I get these kind of comments, I tend to tell them like it is and tell them that if they don't agree with my decision or what I'm doing to improve my life, then there is no reason for them to be a part of it. I know it's kind of harsh, but if they are going to be negative when you first tell them what's happening, chances are they will be negative the whole time. But that's not always the case either -- they may finally understand what is going on and that this is a difficult thing for someone to do, and apologize and want to help.
Then on the other hand, I do have family and friends that I have told that have checked in on me to see how things are going and have been really supportive. The one good thing about this is, well, no matter what, your family may not understand it but they will be there for you and through this whole process, I have really found out who my true friends are and even later on down the road I will find out as well. I have friends who don't talk to me now because they don't feel this was a good decision for me to make, well it's my decision, I made it, it's what I wanted. I'm just thankful for the ones who are sticking with me and being supportive and helping me through this.
I really love this website and the people here. When I, and possibly others, feel like there is no one around us who understands what we are going through, we have a place to turn to. We have people to talk to who are going through the same things we are, who are very friendly and encouraging. You'll find a lot of awesome people on here.
Good luck to you with the Lapband! :) My novel is done....
I am really open about my surgery at work. That being said, most people aren't rude enough to say stuff like, "You're taking the easy way out" especially after I explain to them how I eat and exercise now.
That being said, I would take it on a case by case basis. Most of the time, it's pretty obvious who will be an ass about it and who will be supportive.
I think you don't need to go around saying that you had surgery perhaps until you have lost some weight and people are asking questions. Then you can be proud about the surgery. What I tell people is that I got an implant... because it's true. If I say I had WLS, they say "Oh my friend had the bypass!" Then I try to explain to them that the band is a lot different than the RNY...but that doesn't go anywhere, lol. So I just say that I got something called a LapBand implanted around my stomach. It helps control hunger and restricts how much I can eat.
That being said, I would take it on a case by case basis. Most of the time, it's pretty obvious who will be an ass about it and who will be supportive.
I think you don't need to go around saying that you had surgery perhaps until you have lost some weight and people are asking questions. Then you can be proud about the surgery. What I tell people is that I got an implant... because it's true. If I say I had WLS, they say "Oh my friend had the bypass!" Then I try to explain to them that the band is a lot different than the RNY...but that doesn't go anywhere, lol. So I just say that I got something called a LapBand implanted around my stomach. It helps control hunger and restricts how much I can eat.
I agree with what others have said. In NO way is this the easy way out. I purposely didn't tell anyone except my sister (who was at the hospital with me) and two close friends, who were very supportive and didn't tell anyone.
I'm four years out this month and my parents still don't know. They've commented that I lost weight and asked how I did it. I just say "I don't eat much and I exercise," which is true. They then usually just change the subject. In my family, they're not generally interested in anyone but my older sister. Oh, we all get along for the most part, but in no way are they as close to the rest of us as they are to my older sister. In fact, when she moved two hours away several years ago, they followed her about a year later. When we talk, my mom especially will ask how I am, but then the conversation always moves to my sister and her kids and grandkids. She can't have a conversation without interjecting something about them. I just want them to finally notice ME for ME! It's been this way my whole life, though, so I know they won't change.
I also didn't want anyone telling me horror stories or trying to change my mind. As I started losing weight, that's when I told people. I used to work with someone who said the knew a friend who'd had it and died (don't know if it was the surgery or not). She weighed quite a bit more than me and could have used it more. In fact, she had surgery a couple years ago and now looks wonderful!
So just tell who you want to and who will support you and let the others figure it out on their own as you start losing!
I'm four years out this month and my parents still don't know. They've commented that I lost weight and asked how I did it. I just say "I don't eat much and I exercise," which is true. They then usually just change the subject. In my family, they're not generally interested in anyone but my older sister. Oh, we all get along for the most part, but in no way are they as close to the rest of us as they are to my older sister. In fact, when she moved two hours away several years ago, they followed her about a year later. When we talk, my mom especially will ask how I am, but then the conversation always moves to my sister and her kids and grandkids. She can't have a conversation without interjecting something about them. I just want them to finally notice ME for ME! It's been this way my whole life, though, so I know they won't change.
I also didn't want anyone telling me horror stories or trying to change my mind. As I started losing weight, that's when I told people. I used to work with someone who said the knew a friend who'd had it and died (don't know if it was the surgery or not). She weighed quite a bit more than me and could have used it more. In fact, she had surgery a couple years ago and now looks wonderful!
So just tell who you want to and who will support you and let the others figure it out on their own as you start losing!
Nancy 
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