Why Do I Still See The Fat Guy In The Mirror?

After having lost 150 lbs, people say nice things to me about how I look and I mutter "thanks" and scurry away.  I know I am thinner and I buy pants that are a lot smaller, but I still feel like that fat guy I used to be.  Psychologists call the tension between two opposing thoughts about yourself cognitive disonnance.  Mostly people rationalize that difference (like smokers who know it is bad for their health, but claim to love the taste) or change their behavior to reduce the internal tension.  I am not sure what do about this difference between what people say, which is both flattering and closer to reality than how I see myself.  I told a friend recently that I still feel that I look like Shrek's albino brother and she threatened to hit me (in a nice way) and I am having trouble accepting that  some people actually like to look at me.  I am pretty good at observing people and when I notice women checking me out, I check my face for leftover food and errant boogers.  Seriously.  I have witnesses.....my oldest daughter thinks my reactions are funny as hell.  Any ideas on what to do?  I obviously don't want to go back to actually being the fat guy and I do want to be a gracious recipient of compliments about how I look, but I am struggling to move from my former self-image to a new one.

RP

RP, had you posted this same thing on the MEN's Board, you would have been lit up and told to get over yourself.  I would tell you the same thing, but I have the same struggle so it wouldn't help either of us.  I don't see myself as others see me.  In fact my first thought upon seeing a recent picture of myself from the lodge (thanks to Elena) was to believe she manipulated the aspect ratio to make me appear thinner.

I think the best answer is time.  It's not an easy thing.  Men have a different thought process but I know we are not alone in the struggle.

We are friends in a group that is not only encouraging, but also honest.  It's tough to accept.

Perhaps for awhile you could just walk around with some errant boogers....just maybe that's the ticket.

Paul:

You are such a good guy.  Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

RP

What's not to like??? 

Sorry, RP... I know it's probably politically incorrect of me to post this pic, but dang.  Maybe if you hear it enough, you'll start to believe.  I hereby volunteer my services to pound it into your head.  YOU ARE FINE.  If I had met you under any other cir****tances, I'd have never known you were ever overweight.  Isn't that the best?  IT'S TRUE.

I realize that doesn't help with the mental discord, but I think that only time and repetition will bring the two images together. 

In the meantime, much as I love me some Paul, I'd 86 his advice on maintaining the errant booger as a fallback.  Probably NOT a good look for you.  Or anyone.  Really.

Darla:

Well, you can look at it and maybe even admire it I guess, but don't get too close because it might explode.

RP

P.S.  thanks for making me laugh out loud

      That's a chance I'm willing to take. 

I think Paul had the magic answer.  At least one of them.  Time WILL help.  Soon you will be used to the new you in the mirror and folks around you will be used to that person too.  You will still hear compliments now and then....but your new image will soon be the "normal" image and it won't be such a big deal.

I honestly after 6 years am having trouble remembering the old me in the mirror.  I remember how it "felt" to be fat but, the old pictures of me are of someone I hardly remember anymore.  My husband says the same thing. 

Hang in there and let time do it's tricks.  Enjoy the attention and soon it will feel normal and comfortable.  Our heads stay fatter longer than they should.  But they will thin out eventually.

 

Elmer,

I agree with everyone......And SEE.....Nice butt......Get used to the HONEST, SINCERE comments by us.......Your one of us now.....And stuck with us and our photographs of your cute butt.....:)

I'm going through the same thing as you know.....But it's easier to tell you to embrace and believe that your one good looking man, that never looked fat a day in his life......

Kelly

Hi Rick! You know what I think it is? I think it's this thing called humility. I like to believe I am a humble human being, and I think you are the same - at least that's how I view you. Having said that, I have received the start of the compliments and I've asked how to handle this, too, because you know what - it is ODD!!! I was so "invisible" to others when I was SMO, it kind of hurts to receive the compliments now in a way. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful of others to notice and mention it, but I felt I looked okay before - but I never got compliments on my appearance, take off 60 pounds and things change - it is sort of maddening. And yes, I love losing the weight and going down in sizes, but I still don't "SEE IT" like others do. I live with me every day and rarely see myself in a mirror, so when I see someone I haven't seen for a few weeks or a month, they notice the changes. I've said "Thank you...I just don't see the changes" and they think I'm being a snot about it. But, I don't mean to be at all. I just honestly don't - it's just such an odd thing to get used to, isn't it? I guess Paul & Lori are correct...time will help! Until then, I'll refer to a book I've read many times...talk positively to your self and admit you look good. Because, I do think that is not being arrogant, it is re-training your brain to accept what you've worked hard to achieve! Your personaltiy would never give way to arrogance, and I've only met you once, but I just know it's not in you to be arrogant, Rick.

Sabrinna has the right approach - or at least ONE right approach.  It's NOT easy, it takes a deliberate effort, but it IS good in those cases where someone actually makes a verbal compliment -

Smile, and say "Thank you!"  No explanations, no arguements or negativity, just "Thank you!"

As for the lewd but appreciative sideways glances you start to receive from strangers?  Just grin, and maybe give 'em a better view!  LET it put a little extra hitch in your giddyup!  It's not WHY we've gone through WLS, but we might as well enjoy it!