HOW DARE WE NOT BE THE SAME

What follows here is fundamentally unfair, I know that, but at the same time I need to get these thoughts out of me.  I will have to apologize later.......

The changes in our bodies are generally heralded by those closest to us as being a very positive outcome of our weight loss experience.  Yes, there are significant saggy skin issues and perhaps a certain look of gauntness for awhile, but our spouses or significant others are normally pretty enthusiastic about our surface changes.  The changes within us, those things that re-define who we are or become, are, however, not always welcome companions to our weight loss.  Even if we wanted to remain the same on the inside, we cannot, because we must treat ourselves differently than we have in the past if we want to remain healthy, both physically and emotionally.  I cannot speak for my fellow travelers on this journey, but I know and have finally accepted that it is OK for me to want more for myself and to expect more from others in my life.  This different attitude does not sit well at home and I know for a fact that several of my OH friends are currently experiencing similar reactions where they live.

So many of us are the pleasers in our everyday lives that is not surprising that those closest to us want things to remain the same.  The obvious conflict arises when we expect more from them, whether it be support, trust, or even permission to explore who we were meant to become.  It is as though our spouses/signicant others are shouting at us "HOW DARE YOU NOT BE THE SAME!!".  I am not the same.....I no longer want to be the person that I was........I am emerging as someone else......let me explore the possibilities within reason.......don't stand in my way......I can't let you if I want to survive.

RP

 

AMEN RP!!!
I am experiencing this currently as you read I stood up to my ex best friend which I've NEVER EVER done and lost a best friend of over 10 years. I am NOT going to be the same person that I was I REFUSE to let people walk all over me like I did before surgery. I think that the change in me is great at the same time I'm EXTREAMLY EXTREAMLY scared cuz now I do'nt know who I am!!
~Valerie~

Valerie:

It is really scary to feel yourself becoming someone altogether different than the person you used to be.  On the other hand, it is also truly exciting.  I have re-discovered my love for writing. Others I know have discovered that they love to dance, are capable of being cover models for fitness publications, can cook great food, and the list goes on.  This emergence as a different person is a wonderful, awful thing.

RP

RP,

I hear you.....

Kelly

Dude, sign my name to your post.

                                                      

I completely, wholeheartedly agree with you. 

But I can't help questioning - are we changing and becoming different people?  Or is it that we are becoming the people we were always MEANT to be?  That because of our formerly unacceptable appearance, we've been forced to suffocate our true selves - in favor of the giving, never-taking people we needed to be in order to find acceptance?

Perhaps we're saying the same thing from different perspectives.

Things that make you go - hmmmm...... 

I 150% agree with you Darla. We are becoming the REAL us. The old us was suffocated. AMEN.

Wow, RP... Thanks for putting into words, what obviously, a lot of us are thinking.
I have found that its not about "finding" myself, but about "creating" myself.
(no, I am not so eloquent, someone else made the observation about me, and allowed me to us it.)
The surface changes have been so simple, compared to the ones under the surface.
I thank God that I have friends (Y'all) that "get" it, and me.

I haven't experienced this yet, and quite honestly - I'm a bit scared based on the recent conversation topics I've seen & heard. And truthfully, I hope I don't experience it in a way. I think I've always been true to who I was made to be and I don't think I let my weight affect that, other than to be sidelined physically. At least I hope I'm right about my perceptions.

Perhaps I am lucky to have the support of my spouse, children, and family. I always suspect everyone has that and I fail to remember that some do not. I find that unfortunate because if they truly love and respect you, I would think they would want only great things for you. But, this was a big topic of discussion in our home for months before I had my surgery. Because I didn't want things to change other than my physical appearance and activity level. The only request my DH had was "if you find you want to go do things that aren't typical of how you are now, will you ask me to go with?" That spoke volumes! And to this day, when I go on an OH outing or coffee, I still ask. It was our agreement and I won't take that away from him.

Good luck finding you RP and who you truly are. God grant you the strength to make decisions that may not always be easy, but rather necessary for your survival.