Almost 3 months
I'm sorry that it has taken me SO long to post. I've gone through a couple months of hell but I have to honestly say that I do NOT regreat my surgery. I am down 70 punds and feeling good. I have had to stop gettin on the scale cuz, I've been stuck at 300 now for a few weeks and I'm getting frustrated. I need to go bak to the basics and eat like I am just out of surgery. I've noticed that I can eat just a lil bit of surgar and thats not a good thing. I have gotten back my since of fullness and hunger wich is a good thing. I have found out that I dump on pork and pasta and to much surgar. I am at the stage that I am loosing my hair and its BAD its comin out by the handful. I took a shower this morning and I thought that I was comin out of that shower bald. I sat on my bed and just bawled. I hope that this phase passes and fast. I know that I need to get back on my protein shake cuz I'm not getting enough. The other thing that has gone and I have shed many tears over is my chest :(. I used to fit into my bras and shirts SO well but now I don't I don't have enough to fill out my shirts and that makes me sad. I hope that the rest of my body catches up with my chest and fast. I have lost my best friend in the last month but the split I think was mutual. It hasn't been a haelthy relationship, and its time to split she was very very very rude and out of line, with my 8 year old (not biologically mine) but she screamed in his face to shut the f**k up. He still crys today if you mention it so I know that it was time to split. It hurts and I am sad but I know that being best friends with her would have ment that I wasn't able to grow and become who I am. I would have continued to be who she wanted me to be. I have also been going through a tough time being single. All my friends seem to be going off and getting married or engaged or having kids of their own. I don't even have a man so its frustrating so many people tell me to wait till I'm changed and I'm happy with me. I am getting happy with me I have noticed that I wear ****s that I would have NEVER wore before surgery (cuz they don't cover up my stomach all the way). I don't mind walkin in front of a group I'm still not 110% comfortable with myself, but I know that it is coming. I need to get my butt back at the gym and I know that would help me but its just SO much easier to go walking and not lifting. AHHH I feel like I'm doing well and failing miserably all at the same time, and its not a good feeling. I am sorry that I have not been on latley its just easier to not come to your support group when things are crappy as weird as it seems. Thats when its the easiest to not come to your frineds and for that I'm sorry. I will try to be more on top of things and to get back into OH Hope all is well with everyone!!
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. It sounds like you are on your own version of this wild WLS ride. Our bodies change, our expectations of others change, our relationships change and, ever so slowly, we become who we were meant to be. It sounds like you are doing all of those things, which is fantastic. Please continue to keep us posted on your progress.
RP
As for your "best friend." Wow..is all I can say. If any of my friends DARED to tell one of my kids (even at the non-sensitive ages of 13, 16, and 19) to shut the f*** up, I'd probably be in jail for punching their lights out (not that two wrongs could make a right).
Your weightloss is fantastic! You should be really proud of yourself! Unfortunately for us losers....we end up with the melting snowman effect (I've been told this by people in my support group.) We lose weight, starting from the top down. Sad but true...the last place to lose weight will be our butts and thighs...which is where I need it most!
You're a very courageous person, my dear. I hope you realize that about yourself! All the adversity you had entering into this decision, and here you are...healthier! I was happy today to get on the scale and see 226. I haven't weighed this little since...2004? Ha..and I say I weigh "little". Oh well, it's less than when I went in to surgery! And, it can only get better from here! I was re-reading your story yesterday..and I was so sad...You are a person with a lot to offer the world.
Let me give you a little hint about not having a man. You have to learn to love yourself first before you can allow someone else to love you. I learned that. I started taking prozac in 2003. One morning, about 3 months after starting my meds, I woke up. Took my shower, and while putting on my makeup, I said...Wow, You're really an ok person. I like you! 5 months later, I met the love of my life who accepted me, my three boys, and all of my life. So, dear, Love yourself first. Take care of YOU. YOU are the most important person in your life!
