Detached from reality (long)

I am so horribly detached from reality. I have been scared to share this because most of the time the response is, 'You're young, get over it!'

I am finally being treated like a 'normal' person (getting attention, not feeling invisible, etc) and it's freaking me out! I can't handle it!

Realistically, I know I am thinner, I see it in the mirror. But in my head, I am still big, I'm still 'that' person. So when someone starts talking or flirting with me, all I think is, "Are they talking to me? Why? Do they want money?" It's a frickin' conspiracy! I had one person flirt with me and kept wondering, "Does he not see what I look like??" How messed up is that?!

I am so emotional about this sometimes. I think I need therapy and if I can find a way to afford it, I might go. I'm young and would like to be married someday (something my mother nags me about a lot, lol), but at this rate, I'll scare everyone away with my reaction!

Of course, like most people here, before WLS I was excited about actually getting attention some day. Now... in my mind I still WANT it badly to help me judge whether or not I am 'normal' or 'attractive'... but when I get it, I don't know what to do or say. I just want to run.

I love you all and I know how wonderful you've all been in my journey... so I decided to take a leap and post this here. I needed to because I noticed that I've been isolating myself and being stuck in my head with my nasty thoughts. Overall I am a happy person, but this one issue has really hit me harder than I ever thought it would. Thanks for listening.

You just need a little more time for your mind to catch up with your body.      

Getting attention freaks me out.  I want to run too!

 I've always been uncomfortable with how some men look at women, and I'd occasionally get that before.  But I find I practically have an anxiety attack when a guy looks at me in a favorable way, and sometimes I even go out of my way to avoid the possibility. 

Yesterday at the grocery store, a man with a young daughter was walking toward me. (Ok, he was cute) I freaked out, and turned down the next isle for no reason other than to avoid him looking at me or me at him.  It's so ridiculous!  My heart races, I feel sick. It's just dumb.  I knew going into this, that would be my reaction to positive looks/feedback from men, but good grief!  Now it doesn't happen all the time. The store was quiet, it was more of a 1 on 1 situation, and he was attractive.  Still, I don't like my reaction.  I need to go back to the therapist I saw pre op for this one.  This post reminded me of that.  Thank you for sharing.

Elena-

Good for you for posting this topic.  I know exactly what you are saying (although I still won't even put myself out there to postentially be flirted with or looked at).  It takes a long time to get new tapes to play in our heads about how we look to other people- one of the most difficult things for me about meeting new people is that they didn't necessarily know me before surgery- and don't see why I am so proud of being the size I am right now.

Finding someone to talk with about these feelings is always a good idea.  Ask the people at PNC who they recommend because not all therapists are tuned in to people who have had WLS.

I see a very bright future for you- with mariage and little Elena's running around at your feet )or chasing your dog).  Your brain will eventually catch up!!

Call or PM if you want to talk some more.

Reenie

Do you have medical insurance? Most medical insurance plans cover mental health visits..

I am already nervous about that phase. I have lost a few pounds and a few of my male friends have notice and it scared me when they "showed" more interest. And then how they commented about how they just might have to date me after my surgery.. I was like WHAT? You can't date me now because I'm fat ya F*n loser??? ugh..

I feel you girl.. My sister is almost 3 yrs out and says she has days where she looks in teh mirror and all she sees is a fat girl.. and she's a size 8.

*HUGZZZ*

Stacy

Elena:

You know......it is really hard to let anyone see behind the curtain, especially someone that you don't know.   You are still discovering this new Elena, so my advice is to go slowly, enjoy yourself and only show a little of the inner Elena at a time.  After awhile you will know better who you are and have the confidence to show that to the men you meet.  Some will be worthy of you, most probably will not.   Be picky, perhaps even a bit princess-like, and good things will happen.

RP 

BTW...

LOOKING GOOD, RICK!!!  SMASHING new avatar!!!

Well maybe this is because I'm an old married lady, but I love the attention - it fluffs my feathers!  Maybe because I lived 45 years without much of that, and it's novel and fun.  I don't worry about what someone's intentions are, because it doesn't matter.  I'm going home to my family - so I just enjoy it!

I can barely remember what it was like to be single... so I'm sure there's not much I can share that will help you.  Just enjoy it as much as you can, without compromising yourself.  Be aware of the attention, be aware of the "vibe" you might be putting out.  And realize that men see who you ARE, not who you WERE.

I think it's something that will come with time and as you learn to love yourself you will see that others love you too.
I'm sorry I can't relate...probably shouldn't even respond to your post...no one ever has or does flirt with me.  I have no clue why but not as obese or now at a normal weight.  I kinda would appreciate a little attention, but then again I might not even know what it is.  I'm always reading or hearing how people are getting hit on or flirted with but it's kinda like a desert in my world.  Sorry for the pity party.

I think there is a vibe we give off - like we talked about before. It's hard to realize it maybe. I've also been told that we can go from being ignored because we are fat to being ignored because we are too intimidating and attractive. What the hell????