In The Wee Hours

In the wee hours I often pause to think

How much my own actions and decisions stink.

The hurt and discontent I have caused come to bear

In such a way that I can feel my heart and soul tear.

In that dark, lonely and thankless place

I couldn’t stand to gaze at my own face.

The overwhelming thoughts of self-loathing would rule

And I would eat and eat and eat like some gluttonous fool.

No amount of food was enough to soothe me

Somehow I became less than I was meant to be.

A precious few helped me change along the way

Whether others can now stand me is for them to say.

The hurt and discontent I have caused still come to bear

But these days I let myself feel everything foul or fair.

Today I can manage to at least look askance at my face

Even though it is not yet full of anything resembling grace.

RP